Is hitting normal behavior for 7 y/o?

[listeninginphoenix]

SD (7) is acting violent (hitting, kicking car) towards BM.

This repeated behavior results in BM (41F) calling my SO (40M) and she demands that he "come over" to discipline their child.

This has happened at least 3 times in the past month.

(This Saturday BM stated SD locked her in the basement.)

Each time this happens, BM threatens to call the police or CPS if SO doesn't come over. SO has usually had a beer - or at least that's his cop-out - and can't drive, so SO usually ends up "tele-parenting".

SD does not exhibit this aggressive behavior when SO has her. SD also apparently does not exhibit this behavior towards her peers.

I'm 36F, do not have children, and have no experience with them.

Is this normal behavior?

Something seems off. I'm concerned for SD and also mildly frustrated at the frequent threats to call police / BM's inability to defuse SD on her own.

 

[casew]

@listeninginphoenix A 7-year-old hitting might not be terribly unusual, but the way the parents are handling it is super unusual, abusive, and ineffective. I don't think the daughter's the one to blame.

 

[h312]

@listeninginphoenix OP, BOTH parents suck. Your SO needs to lay off the beer. He knows what the night brings. Drinking so he can't drive is ridiculous. It's weaponized incompetence.

Both of them need a mandated parenting class. You should call CPS.

 

[has56]

@listeninginphoenix Its not not normal? But at 7 they should know better.

 

[logann]

@listeninginphoenix Both people are crap parents. All I can say is don't go off birth control around this guy.

It's not normal for an emotionally healthy 7 yr old. But this poor girl is being shuffled between two homes, and both parents sound unable to meet her needs. Good parents would learn how to co-parent. The threats to call cps and his lazy "can't help cause I had a beer" lies are both across the line. Good parents might recognize her behavior as a call for help, and they'd do something like family counseling.

 

[listeninginphoenix]

@logann I've been trying to tell him that she might benefit from therapy, to which he agreed and she's on a wait list. (Or so he says.)

And he has a vehicle lock device on his car so any amount of alcohol means he can't drive. He's very responsible with his drinking and only has one or two beers per night. (Def. in legal limit.) So it's less of a cop out and more of a way for him to hold BM accountable for disciplining on her time. (I worded that poorly initially.)

I'm also probably of the unpopular opinion that a 7 year old throwing a tantrum at bedtime is a problem that doesn't require 2 parents to solve. I think the kid needs some space and affirmation, not constant discipline and chaos.

I'm seriously debating exiting the situation since I had a horrible childhood (no contact with my bio parents half my life - 18 years) and some of this (esp. BM) is triggering and worrisome for me to be on the sidelines for tbh.

I truly want to be a positive influence for SD and I do see my SO trying very hard with her - which is why he's the only man I've ever dated with children - but in the end, I know it's her bio parents that make the most difference and any effort I make would likely be lost on her.

I feel very helpless and hopeless despite taking this chance and having the best of intentions.