Is having a second kid really worth all the trouble? It looks exponentially harder to go from 1 to 2 kids than zero to 1.

[christopherpriestley]

My friend just had a second and seems miserable. It’s pulled her and her husband apart, added financial strain, eliminated all of her personal time, created jealousy with the first kid, etc. I never see her anymore, she’s always tired or stressed.

It just doesn’t look worth it. What am I missing?

 

[pulickalbrothers]

@christopherpriestley Honestly, we’ve found 1-2 to be significantly easier than 0-1 in terms of how hard it’s been to adjust. Babies are no longer an unknown. We’re already held hostage by a toddler, what’s one more?

All of the things you’ve listed (minus relationship struggles, though I’d argue that some degree of adjustment is inevitable with each kid/family change) are quite temporary. We’ve each had to prioritize one hobby versus the multiple we were able to juggle with just one kid, but that’s very short term. For us, looking long term at our family, two kids has a lot of pros. For someone who doesn’t particularly care about sibling relationships or a bigger family in 5, 10, 20 years, then nope, definitely wouldn’t be worth the trouble!

 

[wedemars]

@pulickalbrothers I agree that, to me, the long term family by far outweighs the short term stress. Kids are difficult and that’s a reason some people choose not to have them but they also are amazing little humans that will eventually grow into amazing adults that you share the rest of your life with.

 

[megas01]

@pulickalbrothers "Babies are no longer an unknown. We’re already held hostage by a toddler, what’s one more?"

This is how I felt going from 1 to 2. It was like, meh, I know babies and the house is on fire anyways!

 

[humphries2007]

@megas01 The "this is fine" fire gif is very much relevant with a toddler.

 

[aussie7]

@humphries2007 I feel like 2-3 was even easier for me than 0-1 or 1-2.

Although I do feel like having three young children (6, 3 and 1) is just dealing with one crisis after another.

But the bond between them is beautiful and I love seeing them play and laugh together.

 

[giblinomix]

@aussie7 It’s the bond between them I’m so excited about. We have 1 but want to go from 1-2. I’m so excited for my LO to have a sibling. I’m 37 and have two siblings. They’re my best friends.

 

[arolo]

@megas01 Exactly. The house is already a disaster what's one more to add to the toys on the floor.

 

[andrewl33]

@christopherpriestley If you don't want to, then definitely do not get a second kid it's really fine to be one and done!

We have a bit of a bigger age gap (oldest will be 4 years old when youngest is born) and we as family (husband, me, oldest) are so much looking forward to welcome this new little baby.

But if you would have asked me when our oldest was 2 I would have said 'who the f wants a second kid it sounds crazy and happy it's not me'

So you're not missing anything, your feelings are valid! Maybe they will change, maybe they won't, all fine!

 

[tidblessi]

@andrewl33 I think age gap plays a big role in that crunch factor. Kids under three can’t be “reasonable,” and having an infant during that time can be really hard because they can’t comprehend that you can’t have them following you into the nursery and playing loudly while you put baby down or that you’re feeding baby now and they need to wait for something else they want. But some opinions are that siblings have a closer relationship if they’re closer in age- I don’t have personal experience with that.

 

[noah0135]

@tidblessi I’ve had the opposite experience tbh

2 under 3 is the sweet spot for me. I just want to get all the being pregnant stuff OVER with and DONE. I can’t imagine having years to get my life and body back…and then doing it all over again.

For me it’s easier to just have one big long baby and diaper and phase. Plus it’s great for my toddler because he gets bored at home without his daycare friends so having a sibling right about his age has been a huge relief. I find myself turning on the tv less when I must get something done like dinner because they play each with other more.

 

[neilgram]

@noah0135 This was my mindset for a smaller age gap as well. I didn't want to put all of the tiny baby and toddler stages behind us and then start over. I wanted all the baby/toddler stuff together so we could rip it off like a bandaid

 

[wrexsti]

@noah0135 I understand your perspective - my pregnancy was awful and I honestly hate the baby stage to the point where my chaotic toddler is a gd relief. I needed a 2-3 year gap to mentally prep to do it one more time and after that I'm closing up shop. 'Getting it out of the way' would mean that I wouldn't get to revisit any of my hobbies, or enjoy some of the pregnancy-unsafe foods I like, for years. I would be physically ill for years. I would feel like an elephant seal for years. My sister carried pregnancy and the newborn phase completely differently and she had a much smaller age gap between her kids. I can totally see arguments for both approaches.

 

[msvibe]

@tidblessi My personal experience is that the closer siblings are in age, the more they will fight and compete with one another.

 

[dannor729]

@tidblessi I have a brother who is 1.5 years younger than me and a sister who is 7 years younger than me- I am closer with my sister. My brother and I always argued growing up but I was so protective of my sister I would have done anything to see her smile and any time I upset her I hated myself for it. My brother still irritates me but I can spend days with my sister and we just connect on a higher level.

 

[sarag]

@dannor729 I agree with you so much! My brother is 3 years older than me and we fought a lot growing up. My sister is 7 years younger and we never fought and have always been close.

 

[stephcastro10]

@andrewl33 I felt guilty for not wanting to start trying again when my LO was 2. We are TTC this year and looking at a 3.5/4 year age gap. It makes me happy to know others wait too

 

[derekjm]

@stephcastro10 In my eyes this is still a small gap! My brothers are 20 years older than me lol! We are still very close

 

[baptizo]

@derekjm Wow! 20 years is huge! My sister is 4 years younger and my brother is 7 years younger, I always thought it was a big age gap. We are all in our 30s now, it doesn’t seem so big

 

[dwhite081705]

@stephcastro10 I have two 3 year age gaps and I would absolutely recommend a minimum of 3 years if not 4! If the older child is more independent, able to somewhat dress themselves, potty trained, it’s so much easier. And they are usually at a point where they are interested in babies and like to help.