godismyhonor
New member
@infinitystar Thank you kind internet stranger 
that was a lovely comment.
Take care and Iām sorry for your loss.
that was a lovely comment.
Take care and Iām sorry for your loss.
Invalidated by having an only child
- Thread starter godismyhonor
- Start date
carolynd2012
New member
@godismyhonor No cause I don't care enough. I know how hard I work and how intense parenting is. I don't care what e eryone says. We actually have it worse because we have to entertain our kids, not like these multiples that play with each other or when they get older, they take care of each other... NICE TRY SUSAN!
@godismyhonor This is why I think it important to maintain friendships with other one and done parents and also childfree friends as I feel as though these friends have more space and understanding particularly when things are difficult.
The older my child gets the more I feel as though I identify more with my childfree friends than parents of multiples, although I am fortunate and have quite a few one and done by choice parent friends.
I do heavily lean into overt smugness of being one and done though - it's like it's my personality!
The older my child gets the more I feel as though I identify more with my childfree friends than parents of multiples, although I am fortunate and have quite a few one and done by choice parent friends.
I do heavily lean into overt smugness of being one and done though - it's like it's my personality!
@godismyhonor I think when you come across people like this, itās best to realize that their behavior is really small. And then try to associate with at least some people who donāt act like that.
godismyhonor
New member
jemfleming
New member
@godismyhonor You need better friends. We only have onlys in my main friend group, but we do have one single friend and a child free couple too.
Sometimes I'm consumed with motherhood and working so I'm not as present as I would like; but I have NEVER dismissed her tiredness or stress or problems.
I don't see how having multiples instead of one should be different. They are probably more stressed and tired so if it's harder to arrange childcare or make time you should cut them some slack, but minimizing your problems? Not making an effort to be there even if simply a text or a quick call?? That's just shitty friendship
Sometimes I'm consumed with motherhood and working so I'm not as present as I would like; but I have NEVER dismissed her tiredness or stress or problems.
I don't see how having multiples instead of one should be different. They are probably more stressed and tired so if it's harder to arrange childcare or make time you should cut them some slack, but minimizing your problems? Not making an effort to be there even if simply a text or a quick call?? That's just shitty friendship
tropicalben
New member
@jemfleming This is the way, I donāt have any friends that dismiss my worries or complaints, I would toss them to the curb if they did that. Sometimes they tell me kindly I am a worrier (this is true) and they know I will ultimately overcome whatever is going on but they donāt dismiss my emotions.
@godismyhonor Same.
Husband and I ran into his friend who just had his second child. At one point he asked my husband and I āso are you guys going to have more kids?ā And I said no. Heās like āwhy?ā And my husband and I have said the reasons. Even after that he would invalidate and say things like āwell, it will be hard for a little bit but thatās itā when husband and I said that one of our reasons was because we really donāt want to go back to diapers and not just that, but expenses are getting crazy. Imagine having to double the expenses.. okay buddy, have fun having it āhard for a little bitā. Try having a child who has a speech delay. Try having a child who is picky eater. Try having a child who canāt sit still for more than 2 minutes (unless heās sleeping). His first child looks like the āperfect dream childā who eats everything and is āchillā. He even said he doesnāt move around as much and likes to just sit (and his child is 2). While my son is sonic the hedgehog. Maybe this next kid will humble him. Maybe if he experienced ppd and the internal and external struggles that I went through as my son was a newborn and infant, maybe heād understand. Or not.
Now I realized that ānoā is a complete sentence. Never again will I ever have to be obligated to ājustifyā my decision of being oad.
Husband and I ran into his friend who just had his second child. At one point he asked my husband and I āso are you guys going to have more kids?ā And I said no. Heās like āwhy?ā And my husband and I have said the reasons. Even after that he would invalidate and say things like āwell, it will be hard for a little bit but thatās itā when husband and I said that one of our reasons was because we really donāt want to go back to diapers and not just that, but expenses are getting crazy. Imagine having to double the expenses.. okay buddy, have fun having it āhard for a little bitā. Try having a child who has a speech delay. Try having a child who is picky eater. Try having a child who canāt sit still for more than 2 minutes (unless heās sleeping). His first child looks like the āperfect dream childā who eats everything and is āchillā. He even said he doesnāt move around as much and likes to just sit (and his child is 2). While my son is sonic the hedgehog. Maybe this next kid will humble him. Maybe if he experienced ppd and the internal and external struggles that I went through as my son was a newborn and infant, maybe heād understand. Or not.
Now I realized that ānoā is a complete sentence. Never again will I ever have to be obligated to ājustifyā my decision of being oad.
@godismyhonor I think in general people like to one up their problems, but I don't want to see having a child as a problem and that's part of why we're OAD.
I had a coworker with 3 kids and he was always shutting down anything I said with pointing out that I didn't have 3 kids. I want to scream. He knew about some of the unfair dealings that life handed me that impacted the number of kids we had. He also had a significant village. Grrrr...
I had a coworker with 3 kids and he was always shutting down anything I said with pointing out that I didn't have 3 kids. I want to scream. He knew about some of the unfair dealings that life handed me that impacted the number of kids we had. He also had a significant village. Grrrr...
@godismyhonor In my experience it is often hands-off, stick em in front of screen parents that say these comments. More involved parents understand that it is hard no matter the number.
@godismyhonor Nope! I believe many parents of multiples didnāt know what they were getting into and regret it, even if they donāt admit it to the OAD crowd. And I feel sad for the mothers of 4-6+ children who are doing most of the work ALONE (even 1 child alone is too much). Often seems like the male partner encouraged more kids and the mom listenedā¦my grandmothers included. 8-10 kids in a 3-4 bedroom house (with the tiniest rooms!). The adult sibling donāt even associate with one another for the most part today. I have siblings and we barely speak. Nothing in common other than most family members, but now we have households of our own (one still lives at home w/ mom).
However, I do know a family of 4 adult siblings who are super close and travel together. They said itās not because of their parents, but because of their own hard work to be close. Iām OAD but I love seeing them together!
As long as the kids and parents are happy, thatās all that matters. But I donāt feel invalidated for making a much less stressful and more affordable decision.
However, I do know a family of 4 adult siblings who are super close and travel together. They said itās not because of their parents, but because of their own hard work to be close. Iām OAD but I love seeing them together!
As long as the kids and parents are happy, thatās all that matters. But I donāt feel invalidated for making a much less stressful and more affordable decision.
paulcanpat
New member
@godismyhonor I was at a party with some families from church. One family (4 kids) were giving us grief about having only one but it was the woman who had six kids who shut her down. it goes both ways
timberduck
New member
@godismyhonor Nope. I tell people I spend all day with your kids, also my our husbands are about to deploy soon you have 4 kids to keep together I have 1 kid to keep together. So at 830 when my kid is asleep I can run my bath, pop some wine, or coffee, watch tv, or clean my house where as you'll be arguing with your older 2 kids and struggling with the younger 2 about bed time. Then they complain to their husbands about me, then my husband comes home and he says I heard you were mouthy to another wife at work today. I say yep she started it I finshed it, and my husband says as long as I'm not brought into it he's happy.