I'm fairly certain the ISR (swim) instructor for my kids exhibited racism and classism

disciplinedidea

New member
Update- Nov 8- I spoke with an officer about the child abuse. After taking down details they asked me to go to the POC (police operations center) to meet with a detective from special crimes. I did that tonight though there must have been a miscommunication since the detective was not there when I arrived. I am rescheduled to meet later this week.

A family member (I'll refer to them as T) sent an email to the scholarship org this afternoon and showed them this post. T has a lawyer, and told the org they (T) would supply me with lawyer support and blast this on local news outlets. The scholarship org responded to me a little about 2.5 hrs after that.

They (the org) said they have been working with Z, several times, over the past 3 years and never heard a single complaint. They said they wished I had contacted them about this earlier while it was going on so they could have tried to step in and help.

Then they said if I uploaded my ISR registration forms and stated my end date for lessons, they'll send me a check for my $420. I have uploaded those forms to them and put in the end dates. I'm waiting. Will update if I get the money or if things progress with the detective. Unless they tell me not to, then I'll state that. If I'm allowed to state that.

Original post on Nov 7- This is going to be long despite my best efforts to shorten things.

I'm a mom of 4. Kids are 14, 7, 5, and 3.

When I was little I was pushed in the water by a peer. Not knowing how to swim, I flailed and blacked out. I was revived. But it left me with this fear of water.

I didn't want that for my children so I looked into swim lessons for them. I found that ISR lessons kept coming up as the best type of swim lessons. So I looked into the ones around us and I found that they were very out of our budget. Approx. 4k. I found a scholarship that reduced the total cost to me.

The terms of the scholarship stated that I pay $420 (105 per child) to the ISR org which I paid by taking a loan. This would be reimbursed to me fully at the end by the scholarship org. I was to pay a (deeply discounted) $20 weekly fee to the instructor (I will refer to her as Z) as well. Lessons were to be done during the weekdays, 40 min a day (10 min per child), 5 days a week, for 6 weeks.

The first week was good. Z seemed competent, kind, and invested in the kids' success.

It's a 30 min drive for me. Since I have three little kids I always left home 60-80 minutes earlier. The lessons took place at a center similar to a YMCA.We would enter the center where the lessons took place about 10 minutes early. Then after signing in at the front, we would be buzzed in, and we would head to a locker room (just next to the pools) and wait there until lesson time.

Z seemed to be good friends with one of the lifeguards at the center. I'll refer to the lifeguard as S.

Our 2nd week there as we were seated on benches in the locker room waiting. Z arrived and held the door (to the pools) open, and told us to come in. As I gathered the kids and my things, Z walked on. I opened the door to the pools, and as I stepped in I saw Z and S were chatting, and S turned and shouted at me "you need to leave, you can't be in here".

It was time for our lessons, S had been there the previous week, and so I thought she knew this. Furthermore Z had just called us in, yet at that moment stood an arm's length from S just staring at me not saying anything. Confused, I waited by the door (thinking I had to leave), and asked Z "Didn't you tell us to come in?" To this she laughed and said "well yeah" and then turned to S and started chatting again.

Then I walked up to the pools and started to set my things down. I was upset at being shouted at, when I had done nothing wrong. So I gathered my thoughts and waited for them to finish talking. Then I told S, "Hey just so you know, we always arrive early, but I make sure to wait out there. I'm not ever trying to come in here early." She said "Ok, but I don't want your kids there (she pointed to the pool.)" I replied, "I've always made sure my kids are never there, and I keep them by me in this area (I pointed to the area we were told to wait at during lessons), until Z calls them for lessons." And that was what I had always done, since the rules stated that if any child ever touched the water when they weren't in lesson, we would be sent home immediately, and it might be cause to have all our lessons completely done with. I had made sure my children stayed by me, sitting in a line, and I was very watchful every lesson.

During the next weeks, a dad and his son would enter the pool area by us while we were having lessons. The dad would be on his phone while his son ran around touching, splashing and playing in the pool water. The next time the same child came with his mom. She sat down and looked at her phone while he continued to play in the pool water. I looked over at Z and S (she was there both these times), I saw them look at the child but nothing was said and that family was not sent home. That family is all white as is S. Z is either white or white passing. I'm a woman of color. This made me think the only distinction between that family being allowed to do that and me being shouted at for not even doing what that boy was allowed to do, might have been the color of my skin. It was not okay in any regard but if I was being targeted due to the color of my skin, that's even more not okay at all.

From that 2nd week onwards, perhaps because I advocated for myself that day, there was a lot of bad treatment and hostility towards me from Z.

She was late to lessons on at least 10 different occasions during the course of the 6 weeks. Once it was over 20 minutes late. But our swim lessons would end promptly regardless of when they started, even when it was a delayed start due to her tardiness. There were many days we would either be locked out of the swimming area during lesson time while Z chatted with lifeguards inside, or the area would be open and we would enter, but Z would not be there. On one occasion lifeguards were completely absent and not even in the pool room. Per regulations a lifeguard was to be present at all times. I gathered video evidence of all of this. I live in a 1 party consent state. She changed the time of our lessons, the day of, two times. One of these times I was 20 minutes late due to traffic despite leaving an hr early.

Out of the 6 weeks, Z only taught my kids for 20 days. Early on she told me to write her the 6 weekly checks ahead of time and even snickered and said it was such a small, non consequential amount being paid to her. So I did. At that time I will admit, I was okay with doing this as it eliminated the burden of late fees off me. Today she cashed in all 6 checks.

I furthermore received an email from the scholarship org today that I will not be reimbursed the $425 due to Z reaching out to them and accusing me of various things.

----It gave me an error so I'm posting the rest as a comment---
 
@disciplinedidea Your brain is expending too much energy on these assholes. Pull your kids, write them an email that you're done and want a refund for whatever remains. If they start to fuck around, tell them your lawyer will look into it. This is 10000000% bullshit and I wouldn't put up with it, and wouldn't let me kids put up with it.
 
@disciplinedidea Girly, you need to go crazy on the swim instructor. File that police report. Include your evidence. At the very least, if you can’t afford a lawyer, send them an email with some evidence and demand all of your money back. Leave a google review. And blast this on a local mom’s group. Or as many mom groups you can locally. Usually, I’ve found these mom groups do have some good advice or recs for local people who can help you.
 
@liz471 I have emailed the scholarship org (holding my $420 )with picture and screenshot evidence. Videos were too large. So I said I could shrink them and email separately if they want. I have not heard back yet.

I started the process on the police report. I was asked to come speak with a detective in special crimes. About to go do that in 40 minutes.

This instructor is in my local mom's group and with a brief search of her name I found 6 different moms recommending her and saying she's great. All 6 are incidentally white moms. One is a another ISR instructor. I'm not sure about posting in this group for that reason.
 
@disciplinedidea Call them. Call and escalate until somebody with importance in the organization listens to you, because that woman is dangerous.

Swimming is a VITAL skill, and she is going to get somebody’s child VERY hurt if she’s allowed to continue.

The scholarship organization needs to be called so they can “harass the ISR place, too
 
@disciplinedidea I don't think you're overreacting... I feel you're underreacting. If you have evidence of everything, I'd suggest you talk to a lawyer who may take your case probono and file a police report. You should also take this to the head of the community center and ISR places because she shouldn't be an instructor, and you're owed your time and money. Don't settle... talk with your husband about everything, show the evidence to some friends and family, and see if they see what you've witnessed. Good luck.
 
@michaelthemeerkat Thank you so much for the validation and well wishes.

My husband is a passive, non confrontational person. So I have learned I need to be the advocate for all 6 of us. He agrees this was wrong and he's sorry it happened. He says he doesn't know what to do. So it's up to me to figure out what to do and then find a way to get my justice. So I appreciate your suggestions. I'll see if I can find a probono lawyer. I definitely think I have the enough evidence to prove most of this.
 
@disciplinedidea Light. Z. Up. On the internet. Google , Yelp, Facebook, Insta, Twitter- — ANYWHERE that this organization that employs Z has a page deserves to be held accountable. Put racism in the title, and keep the body of the review as factual as possible (which you’ve done a very good job of in the post). Lay it all out, and let future, would-be customers decide if they want to take their business elsewhere. I’m sorry you were mistreated so horribly.
 
@everpraying3168 Thank you for the validation and support.

I intend to find time to gather my thoughts on what's pertinent to the ISR org and contact them in regards to Z. I'll follow your suggestion and try to just state the facts as I saw them. That sounds like a good idea.
 
-----rest of my post's info-----

One of the accusations was that we took a vacation and so could have afforded to pay for these lessons. I was told off by the org for being deceitful about our finances and they said I took advantage of the scholarship and Z. I responded with most of what I've written in this post, along with picture and screenshot evidence. I offered to send video proof as well (the videos wouldn't fit in the email). I have not heard back.

Prior to lessons starting I had asked if it was okay to miss Oct 16, 17, 18 due to family coming into town. If I had been told no, I wouldn't have done the lessons. Z told me that was totally okay. In fact, Z would have to miss 4 days herself she said and makeup dates would be made for all those dates. I also asked what would happen should my children get sick mid lessons. Z told me it happens and again the lessons would be made up.

Oct 16 is my rainbow baby's birthday. Oct 18 is my husband's birthday. We couldn't have children for 7 years till she was born. So every year we celebrate this with our family. This year our family surprised us with an all expenses paid trip to the Great Wolf Lodge (GWL) which I didn't know we were going prior to lessons starting. On Oct 14, thinking I was texting a family member, I texted Z by accident asking about the trip. So she found out and reported that as a vacation we took mid-lessons. Which I found out today, apparently a vacation isn't allowed and that was grounds for terminating my $425 reimbursement.

Once we returned to lessons after GWL, Z started accusing me of putting my children in floatation devices while at GWL. I didn't. I even took videos of my children swimming underwater with no floatation devices or life jackets on. I offered to show her and she said she wasn't interested. She said I set all my children back because of the trip we took. This was on Oct 19. On Oct 20 I fell very ill. I went to the ER and tested positive for Covid. I let Z know we couldn't do lessons for at least a week. 5 days is Covid protocol.

She responded saying she would not let us make it up. She told me to let the ISR org know, I did, they had a RN resoond and to us quarantine for 10 days. After missing 6 (week)days of lessons, we returned for our final week. She kept telling me my 5 yo was not going to finish learning to swim due our trip. She told me my 3, 7, and 14 yos did finish and they were only doing practice for that week.

The last 2 days of lessons I found (and documented) bruising on my 3 and 5 year old. I went back and watched videos of the swim lessons and I can clearly see the bruising occurred in the areas she held them forcefully in the water. This was the absolute worst and heartbreaking part for me. Due to my dark and abusive childhood, I don't ever spank my kids. And to see them harmed from someone who was to be their safe place such as a teacher/coach/instructor, guts me.

The entire time I felt I couldn't speak to the scholarship org, the ISR org, the center where the lessons took place, Z, or anyone about any of this because Z was holding a potentially life saving skill for all my children, hostage. She could furthermore impact me getting my $425 reimbursed, which now I know she did. I did not know she was bruising my children until the very last 2 days or I wouldn't have continued with the lessons. The whole time I thought I was the target, but my children would learn to swim and self-rescue. So I tolerated it, and acted in a calm and respectful way to Z so she would continue to instruct my kids. It's generally how I go through life. I stay in my lane and mind my own business. When someone is attacking me, I try to disengage and go on living with my life.

My sweet 5 yo boy was the one she treated the worst. And the only one she claims cannot swim now. Of my 4 children, three are white passing since my husband is white. My 5 yo is the only one who very clearly looks Asian. He was non verbal when he was younger and on the spectrum, as are 2 of my other kids. I communicated they were ND prior to lessons starting and she assured me accommodations would be made to get them all swimming and even self-rescuing (the whole point of ISR) should they ever fall in water.

So the reason we only had 20 days of classes was because she canceled 6 days. 4 due to her needing to join her son at Disney per her, 1 she couldn't make it, 1 due to weather. The forms I signed state all lesson days canceled by the instructor will be made up. She only made up 5 of those days. The 3 days we pre-approved to be with family were not made up. Neither were the 6 days we missed due to illness.

There were other instances of her being hostile to me but this has been long enough as is. What I want is my $425 back that I was told would be given back. I followed all the guidelines they had in writing. There was nothing about vacations in that. I furthermore want other moms, who are women of color in my locality, and their children, to not be treated the way I was. I live in a low income area that has predominantly BIPOC. My children and I didn't deserve this, and none of it was okay.

Maybe this is all my fault and I need to chalk the $425 as a loss and she'll treat others better. Maybe I misunderstood it all. If so, let me know. I'm trying to stay open minded. I can let this go and collect my peace over time. I am grateful that my kids can swim to the extent they can now.
 
@disciplinedidea I am SO angry for you. I hate that just because you earn or don't earn a certain amount means you should not be allowed to have a vacation. What the hell. Please report her. please, because no one else should have to go through this. I'm so sorry!
 
@oxid When the scholarship org responded to me a few hrs ago they said they allow vacations as long as it is explained beforehand and another family member is paying for it. They don't feel it is fair for families that can afford to pay for lavish vacations (verbiage they used) to ask for help with payment needed for ISR lessons.

I can see how it could look like it's intrusive and perhaps classist. Since it feels like if you're poor and you need help we'll help BUT...

I can also see that this could be one way for them to set terms, and boundaries, which they are allowed to do. And I'm allowed to take it or leave it.
 
@disciplinedidea This woman (hardly an instructor with her behavior) needs to have her certification revoked. I have done ISR with both of my kids (ages 5 and 2), and we experienced none of this terrible, petty behavior. Whether it was due to your skin color, income, or whatever other ridiculous reason does not matter. Ihighly suggest you write to the ISR organization (you should be able to find contact info on their website) and file written complaints, with any documentation you can include, about this woman. They will not be happy that someone representing them acted in this dangerous manner with your children.

Your children were harmed (as you documented) and possibly given fears over the water and people who should be there to help them. Then you have the disgusting attitude towards your family and any comments made. Plus you documented all the irresponsible behavior regarding lessons being canceled and late. All of that is definitely grounds for her certification to be revoked, and I know I certainly wouldn't want her around any children ever. I am so incredibly mad for you.

I also suggest writing to whoever is in charge of the facility you went to and complain about the lack of lifeguards at times. That is very important for them to keep their insurance, which I imagine they want to keep clean. Even if it does nothing for you personally, it can help someone else who visits the facility in the future.

I'm sure I had something else to say, but I'm angry enough and it's late enough that my brain isn't working anymore. I am so very sorry that your children had to go through that. Hopefully they can still enjoy being in the water. Oh, and life jackets don't ruin swimming skills. Things like arm floaties are not suggested because they don't help in the case of swimming trouble, plus they can be hard to maneuver with and swim properly. Life jackets are fine so long as they are fitted properly because they keep a child upright while allowing them arm movement. Those are per the words our ISR instructor. Practice any of the skills you all managed to learn from the lessons, and keep trying. I wish you and your family the best of luck!
 
@kenanga I intend to contact the center, and write to the ISR org. Thank you for highlighting things for me to point out, that is very helpful! I'll be sure to mention them.

Regarding the lifeguards, yes, it was impressed upon me the importance of a lifeguard not only being present, but near the pool the child is in during lessons.

Z told me all floatation devices put children in a vertical position that makes them tread water and so is prohibited. Z said what we want is kids to be horizontal only in water, to do the swim, back float, swim, sequence.

So I went and looked it up. You are right. I am reading that lifejackets are indeed good (in fact encouraged to put on kids 5 and under when near/in water), while floaties are not. My brain is not understanding why right this moment, when both keep a child vertical and in ISR it was impressed upon me to keep the kids horizontal in water. But that's good to know thanks!

I hope to keep helping the kids practice what they learned. I agree that seems like a good idea. I also hope to learn to swim myself so I can let go of some of the fear I feel around all this.
 
@disciplinedidea Report her ass for child abuse. There’s not reason to leave bruises on children in her position & if you have the proof it will hopefully be substantiated. I hope you get your money back & this girl never gets to work with kids again.
 
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