I want a baby- how do I keep a social life?
- Thread starter daniel83
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@daniel83 Fellow DnD player here! It can be done, even with more than one child. My husband DM's usually and I DM'd a year long campaign when my middle child was a baby. We picked up playing again just recently when our youngest turned a month old. I've successfully done game nights, game weekends and even played Twilight Imperium about three times a year since our kids were born.
They key to success for us was hosting and the fact that the majority of our regular gaming group is comfortable around the babies and toddlers and are willing to be patient with some adjustments (two of them are my husband's brothers so... yeah... uncles are the best). Like we tend to play starting at 7:30 PM when the kids are asleep and I'll commonly use a nursing cover and feed the baby at the table and have other people move my pieces etc. Also comfortable playing in a house that may have laundry/toys/random things the toddlers thought was cool lying about. When we had just one and he was a baby and we wanted to go out to a friend's house for games we just took a pack and play with us and set it up somewhere quiet so we could have a spot to put the baby down. We have super amazing friends that are really thoughtful and helpful in terms of making sure we can participate in games/social events. One friend even borrowed toys to have them in his house so that our toddlers could be entertained while we hung out.
They key to success for us was hosting and the fact that the majority of our regular gaming group is comfortable around the babies and toddlers and are willing to be patient with some adjustments (two of them are my husband's brothers so... yeah... uncles are the best). Like we tend to play starting at 7:30 PM when the kids are asleep and I'll commonly use a nursing cover and feed the baby at the table and have other people move my pieces etc. Also comfortable playing in a house that may have laundry/toys/random things the toddlers thought was cool lying about. When we had just one and he was a baby and we wanted to go out to a friend's house for games we just took a pack and play with us and set it up somewhere quiet so we could have a spot to put the baby down. We have super amazing friends that are really thoughtful and helpful in terms of making sure we can participate in games/social events. One friend even borrowed toys to have them in his house so that our toddlers could be entertained while we hung out.
@daniel83 You just accept that your social life and social circle will change. There are two things you can do.
One is to get a feel for what you can take your child along to. You can still do day things with your friends, evening things will be harder. However if you have family willing to help out and babysit from time to time (don't assume they will), you can still go out on evenings.
The other is to look for family friendly activities and make the effort to get to know other families though mother's groups, child care, and children's activities. I know some parents hate the switch to family stuff. I actually don't mind it. And I prefer stuff that works for all of our family because I enjoy things more when we're all there.
One is to get a feel for what you can take your child along to. You can still do day things with your friends, evening things will be harder. However if you have family willing to help out and babysit from time to time (don't assume they will), you can still go out on evenings.
The other is to look for family friendly activities and make the effort to get to know other families though mother's groups, child care, and children's activities. I know some parents hate the switch to family stuff. I actually don't mind it. And I prefer stuff that works for all of our family because I enjoy things more when we're all there.
libbysmum83
New member
@daniel83 Hello there! I see you got already comments that touch all the points but I want to add something from my experience.
Me and my husband are social people like you, also we love board games and video games. We have an appointment once a week with our neighbours to play board games with long campaigns.
During the first months of motherhood I was too tired to do anything else, but we kept our appointment and once a week we watched a TV serie with them. They like babies, so they didn't mind to be around one. We have BBQs every Sunday with an other group of friends, we have dinners and as a couple we help each other to have a bit of spare time to do what we like as individuals.
I feel like I can do my stuff and I'm willing to do them but what changed for me is this:
1) Flexibility: I need to know that at any time I could need to stop what I'm doing or that I need to reschedule something. it helped me a bit to think of all the alternatives/have a plan: what if she starts crying in the middle of something? What she likes the most to be entertained with? What shall I do if she won't stop crying? What if we start playing when we put her to bed? Having some answers helped me to not "panic" in social situations.
2) My brain is always at least 50% thinking of the baby. Doesn't matter how many times I told myself that I would have been the rational mom: whatever I do I'm thinking about how the baby is doing, if she needs something or other things. I enjoy things for the 50%, but I got used to it and I don't mind.
3) Sometimes I need to put an extra effort to be social. Sometimes I would just spend all of my free time (if I have it) in bed and sleep. Sometimes I just lack energies. Anyway since I know this is a condition that I will bring with me for a long time, I decided that sometimes I just go the extra mile to do that social thing that I love.
There are many variables: how much the baby sleep, how much easy is to handle, of much sleep deprivation, how tired you are etc. But I wanted to give you our point of view as a family without help (we live in a country different from the one of our families). We will get back on the board games this winter, starting in the evening when she will be sleeping, so I can't give a direct experience on that.. but so far we still have our social life and we try to keep it
Hope to send you some positive vibes! Wish you the best!
Me and my husband are social people like you, also we love board games and video games. We have an appointment once a week with our neighbours to play board games with long campaigns.
During the first months of motherhood I was too tired to do anything else, but we kept our appointment and once a week we watched a TV serie with them. They like babies, so they didn't mind to be around one. We have BBQs every Sunday with an other group of friends, we have dinners and as a couple we help each other to have a bit of spare time to do what we like as individuals.
I feel like I can do my stuff and I'm willing to do them but what changed for me is this:
1) Flexibility: I need to know that at any time I could need to stop what I'm doing or that I need to reschedule something. it helped me a bit to think of all the alternatives/have a plan: what if she starts crying in the middle of something? What she likes the most to be entertained with? What shall I do if she won't stop crying? What if we start playing when we put her to bed? Having some answers helped me to not "panic" in social situations.
2) My brain is always at least 50% thinking of the baby. Doesn't matter how many times I told myself that I would have been the rational mom: whatever I do I'm thinking about how the baby is doing, if she needs something or other things. I enjoy things for the 50%, but I got used to it and I don't mind.
3) Sometimes I need to put an extra effort to be social. Sometimes I would just spend all of my free time (if I have it) in bed and sleep. Sometimes I just lack energies. Anyway since I know this is a condition that I will bring with me for a long time, I decided that sometimes I just go the extra mile to do that social thing that I love.
There are many variables: how much the baby sleep, how much easy is to handle, of much sleep deprivation, how tired you are etc. But I wanted to give you our point of view as a family without help (we live in a country different from the one of our families). We will get back on the board games this winter, starting in the evening when she will be sleeping, so I can't give a direct experience on that.. but so far we still have our social life and we try to keep it
Hope to send you some positive vibes! Wish you the best!
@libbysmum83 Thank you!! This is really kind of you to say, and your vibes are felt! Thank you for telling me about this, and for giving me so much detail! I wish YOU the best as well!
I wish YOU the best as well!faithbooster
New member
@daniel83 As a 100% single parent of 2. I can tell you it takes a good social network, planning, and consistancy. Ideally you'll want to have atleast one fixed night or day a week where grandparents (or who ever has time and you can trust) babysit, so you have that timeslot available to plan something for yourselves.
fictrainingsock
New member
@daniel83 We were very, very social pre-baby. Met up with friends 1-2x per week, hosted game nights, hosted lots of dinner parties. Traveled a lot (3-4x a year out of state, plus several in state). The first 1.5 years of my son's life aligned with the onset of covid, so there wasn't much we could do there. I was also nursing, and he refused to take a bottle, so I was tied to him for the first year and couldn't do anything without him. Now he's 2.5, and we are finally starting to get back closer to the pre-baby days. We often just take him with us to dinner with friends, we are starting to travel a bit more, and we still host game nights after he goes down for the night.
Your social life will probably take a hit at first, but it doesn't mean it'll last forever!
Your social life will probably take a hit at first, but it doesn't mean it'll last forever!