@agapeos1080 I do think, if you are truly upset by this, then yes, you are overreacting. That isn’t to say that there isn’t merit to what you are saying, I just don’t think it warrants much thought, attention, or reaction.
I think one of the hardest parts of coparenting is understanding our OWN boundaries when it comes so the other parents home and life. What I mean by that is recognizing when WE are the ones overstepping. I honestly don’t think it sounds like there are any boundaries that you really need to establish other than communication, at this point. They will likely make many choices that you don’t agree with (the bedroom situation, for example), but truthfully, it isn’t your business as long as your daughter is being taken care of when he is with her. If she isn’t being neglected or harmed, she is provided with a healthy environment, a home, and necessities, and the court order is being abided by, then what he does at his home on his time isn’t your concern - even if your daughter doesn’t always like it. That was actually some of the best advice given to me by a friend of mine who also has to coparent - be realistic over the things you actually do have control/say over, and learn to let go of the rest.
As far as her texting you, I think it is perfectly okay to not be okay with that and I think it it is reasonable to politely tell your ex that you aren’t comfortable communicating with his gf and that in the future you would prefer any communication relating to your daughter was just done exclusively between the two of you. Keep in mind, she is probably going to have opinions and influence on his side of things - and honestly, she should if that’s what they choose. He shares a life with her. Sharing the parenting duties may be what is better for their relationship and household dynamic and that is ok. Just like it is ok for you to have boundaries regarding your bf and discipline of your daughter. Both are ok, and both should be respected, honestly - it isn’t about entertaining her.
Now, as far as her sending the emergency contact list, that part made me lol a little. Only because I would imagine it was a little bit of a small, petty way of trying to establish her “place” and importance. SMH
. I would handle that by texting your ex and saying something like, “I found this list in daughters backpack. I’m wondering if gf may have wrote it. The school only allows three people to be on the EC list, and I have me, you, and my mom on there currently, but I will hold on to this list, just in case. Thank you for the information!” Something where it is sweet and respectful but also with a little subtle passive aggressiveness lol (because that’s always a little fun). Or, do nothing and just let it go. That would be appropriate here, too.
In the end, try not to get too caught up on the little details like this - they can eat you alive. You don’t need to assert your authority or your role. She knows it already and it sounds like it makes her a little insecure about where she fits into that picture, but that’s her problem and your ex’s problem.
but I'm ok with other people having a distorted view of me, I do my best. but you can't please em all so why bother. I can only live and be loved by so many