I need stories of your kiddos moving to their own sleep space

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bloodboughtchad

New member
My LO is 2 months and we bedshare out of desperation. And contact nap. I keep hearing “so and so slept with their kids and they were in their bed until they were 10” I can tell you I do not want that (fine if you do, I don’t). I love sleeping with my LO for the convenience factor, she sleeps so much better, and I love having her close. And? It just feels right. But I am in so much pain from C curl and husband and I will need our own space again. Am I truly ruining her by doing this? Am I creating a dependent monster?? Please tell me I am not 🥲
 
@bloodboughtchad I’m in a country (Sweden) where bed sharing is normal. When it’s time some kids have problems adjusting to sleeping in their own bed and some gladly make the change. The way I see it is that I rather “sleep train” an older child that could understand the concept of sleeping alone and that I’m in the next room, rather than a small child that would feel abandoned. In a couple of months you don’t have to sleep in the c-curl so it’s a short time 😊

Edit: my son is 20 month. We bed-share and he is very independent during day time and has no problem napping or sleeping without us. His confidence and strong sense of independence is the first thing people actually notice about him. He is cuddly and affectionate but have no problem playing for hours by himself or leaving our side to explore new environments.
 
@panhead4god Also for the C curl I have noticed that where my legs are helps. So pillow is a must, but also I realized I was not curled up enough somehow and that was putting more pressure on my hip. It feels a little counterintuitive because you want to leave space for LO (especially if they are tall af like our baby boy is turning out to be) but when my knees are a little bit higher than my hips life is so much better.
 
@panhead4god When is it safe to stop sleeping in a c curl? I think the recommendations here in America are to always c curl if the baby is in bed with you, but my hips are so sore lol
 
@christian002 We really have no recommendations after 4 months when it’s considered safe to bed-share. I read the material and studies that Sweden base this official recommendation on and it’s solid. In Sweden there’s no correlation between SIDS/ infant deaths and bedsharing after 4 months. So I would assume it’s fine after 4 months to just bed share responsible (no alcohol/drugs/nicotine) on your back instead.
 
@christian002 Some people do it forever but honestly I stopped around 5 or 6 months. There was no way I was going to roll on top of him and not wake up. I was still cognizant of where the (one) blanket was and where he was in proximity to me, making sure his face was clear, etc. but I slept on my back to or side or stomach at times. The c curl is definitely the most convenient position to nurse in but it is so uncomfortable to only sleep like that. I’ve found lots of other comments from moms/parents who stopped doing the c curl exclusively once they felt their baby was old enough, so maybe just see what feels right and comfortable for you.
 
@bloodboughtchad Still in the thick of it (16 months) but when we decided to start cosleeping I'd read enough to guess we'd be doing this for the next 2yrs (saw enough stories of people transitioning around then)

It's helped to have that in my head and plan on that (we bought a new bigger bed at month 2 cause worth it given that plan...;).

LO has slowly grown in independence, One of my big lessons of FTM: I can force change at the cost of tears or I can just wait and she'll grow up in her own time. And she has, feedings, sleeping, burping, eating, walking, taking... if I just wait it happens, amazing to watch :)

So I'm not worried, she'll grow into her own bed in the next 8 months. :)

Here for the stories with you but not worried with you too:)
 
@derrickolley I love your viewpoint- I’ve noticed my LO actually wanting to be put down for short spurts which totally has not been a thing before. It’s not much but it’s so cool (and a little sad) to see her get some independence! My hope is that it will all come in time. I just feel like not forcing it will make it easier for all involved.
 
@derrickolley
Still in the thick of it (16 months) but when we decided to start cosleeping I'd read enough to guess we'd be doing this for the next 2yrs (saw enough stories of people transitioning around then)
Click to expand...

Yep, same same!

I wish I'd researched safe cosleeping before setting up the nursery during pregnancy, because now we've had this crib that we just use for storage and sometimes baby containment while I go pee.

But I'm in the US, with a prevalent "sleep training" culture, so I just assumed she'd be fine in the crib at night.

LO has slowly grown in independence, One of my big lessons of FTM: I can force change at the cost of tears or I can just wait and she'll grow up in her own time. And she has, feedings, sleeping, burping, eating, walking, taking... if I just wait it happens, amazing to watch :)
Click to expand...

Yep, all of this, too, as a first-time mom! 😍 🥰
 
@00sweetpea00 Oh I know. My mom redid a crib for me and she has a beautiful nursery. We don’t use it. It’s on the second floor and our room is on the first… so I’m barely up there. I also just assumed babies would be ok sleeping in their own space. Looking back I don’t know why….it makes no sense.
 
@bloodboughtchad All of my kids bed shared with me til about 1yo and then all of them successfully transitioned to their bedroom. My boys basically slept through the night immediately upon being kicked out of my room; my daughter would still have a wake up or 2 for about 6 months after that. They’re all (knock wood) fantastic sleepers at the moment at 6, 4, 1.5.

ETA the approach we took, hopefully in line with this sub’s rules. YMMV, mine did. By the time each of my kids got around their first birthday I was ready for my bed back and for 2/3 of them they started trying to climb out of my bed too so it seemed prudent to make the change. For all three we stuck to a very consistent bedtime routine that ended with nursing til dozey. I would turn on white noise. Then I would stand and rock until more dozey and then put them in their crib. Then when they fussed I’d pick them back up and rock again til dozey and put back down, repeating a few times and then instead of picking up I’d rub their back. For my boys I could usually get them calm enough doing that that I could leave the room. Also for my boys starting pretty quickly if they woke up fussing (not crying - they sound different) I’d set a 5 min timer and wait it out before checking on them. Any checkins we’re soothed without nursing overnight. My boys took to this all very quickly.

My daughter was a different story and there were a lot of nights of just nursing in the rocking chair until I couldn’t do it anymore and would either bring her back to my bed or let her fuss, but gradually she adapted too and now she’s my best sleeper.

Another thing that’s been a big help with my youngest is that all three kids share a room. So yeah the big kids sometimes keep him and each other up a little later than we’d all like but most nights they sing and talk to each other til they fall asleep. I think he was so easy to move because it was from one slumber party to another.
 
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