I need help with being consistent with chores

[nicholas29]

Hey "RENTS" as my daughter refers to me and her step dad. I would love insight on what has worked in your home as far as some sort of chore plan that's stuck over the years. Man I've done it ALL individual list, weekly charts even set up a chore list with their greenlight debit card. But in all fairness, I have not been consistent either. For 1, we are a blended family the youngest who is 13 spends half the week at Mom's. So it's been a challenge figuring out what is fair to him and the other kids. 2, With summer almost here and my oldest wanting to get a job, I want something implemented before she starts that job and has a great excuse for why she hasn't done chores. We live in a small apartment there isn't a lot to do around here.
3, I realize how important it is to get them doing more for themselves.
My kids are 16- F, 14 & 13-m.
So what has and hasn't worked for you? I would love to hear from ya'll! Thanks folks!

 

[teachme76]

@nicholas29 The main thing is self sufficiency - are they doing their laundry or are you? Can they cook one night a week? Keep their spaces clean? Focus on the skills they'll need when they leave home and just make sure they've had exposure and instruction on each task, and I feel like you're all good. It doesn't have to be a super structured thing if that doesn't work for your family.

 

[lonely]

@nicholas29 Have you read Atomic Habits? That’s the approach I take with my teen. If you’re not familiar with it the idea is to stack activities so they become automatic after an activity that already is automatic.

So with my son he always does the dishes immediately after dinner. On trash days he collects and takes out the trash after the dishes. He also “resets” his bathroom after he showers. Anytime he has friends over he has to clean his bathroom, his bedroom and the game room. We’re working on adding vacuuming the upstairs hall when he vacuums his room. Each thing was added into his routine over time and there’s other small ones like cleaning out his lunchbox when he gets home etc..

He is also responsible for doing his own laundry and that usually happens when he cleans his room or runs out of clothes. I don’t hassle him about it. He is also expected to do one-off stuff as the need comes up and it’s rarely a simple, “yes mom” and getting to it. Im not as worried about that because when it’s actually critical he will and when it’a not he can hang onto his sense of freedom and do it on his own timeline.

Edit to add: when they’re little chore charts are great but in their teens everything you do feels like an act of control and they hate it. The Atomic Habits approach helps make it feel like it was their idea.

 

[kennyleye]

@lonely We’ve had a very similar approach with our 16m and it’s worked pretty well. He is supposed to get himself ready for the week on Sundays by doing his laundry, showering and making sure all devices are charged (including his Ebike that he rides to school). I feel like this is a good habit for him in the long term after he leaves us and starts adulting.

We also do chores throughout the week on a pad for when he comes home from school but it is more on his own timeline to finish them before 10pm.

 

[lonely]

@kennyleye I love your Sunday routine! As I’m typing this I’m doing my own Sunday routine to anticipate our needs for the week and prep for them. I don’t think my son even knows I do it because it’s usually done before he’s even up. I think having to think through that and prepping accordingly is such an important skill to have!

 

[joshuaaa]

@lonely

Atomic Habits

That is an awesome book.

 

[soberarthur]

@nicholas29 Give them some flexibility to fail and try to stay as consistent as possible just in insisting they do things