This is probably going to be a long post because the situation is honestly all-around crazy. I'm from a South Asian household and my parents had an arranged marriage. I'm 19, have a younger brother who is 14, and my parents have been married for 22+ years.
My dad was always my role model growing up and we had a very strong father-daughter bond. The marriage he has with my mom always seemed stable (not like they were in love tho bc again it wasn't a love marriage) but they made it work and both were super loyal. they have different love languages so open communication between them both was tough.
super super long story short:
basically, last august on the drive up to my college, my dad told me he was having an affair with a woman overseas since last march (and her situation is so complicated that she can't even get a divorce to even be with my dad). he's never met her. he told my brother earlier in April and was forced to keep it a secret for longer than i was which is p horrible. i didn't want to directly get involved bc its such a burden but i would hint this to my mom and call my dad on weekends to tell him to tell my mom (but he would just shut me down).
eventually my mom found out in December and my dad went back and forth between deciding to cut off the woman and then telling us he would still be going to visit her soon and he didn't want to stay with my mom. played with our emotions a lot. (I'm leaving out so many key details lol)
current situation:
I'm still in college. my dad called me like 2 weeks ago to blame me for cheating (b/c i was silent initially so i am equally complicit in the action apparently...even though as the kid i was simply processing), acts like him cheating wasn't even a big deal, tries to brainwash my brother into thinking I'm the bad guy since I'm telling him to no longer trust my dad, he's still tryna play with my mom's emotions (she knows tho and is gonna divorce him in a few years)...best part is is that he still tells me and my bro that we should trust him even if he decides to cheat again! and he still thinks he's a good guy.
anyways, he's been super financially supporting me through college and i still feel tied and indebted to him. at the end of the day, it isn't just easy to cut off my dad, but I'm not quite sure how to proceed with my relationship with him...i can never forgive him because he clearly hasn't learnt his lesson and hurt my entire family so much...but also..he's my dad
how bad would i be for cutting him off? anyone in a similar boat/had a similar experience? what did you do? any advice appreciated and if more details are needed i will provide them in the comments...
thanks
My dad was always my role model growing up and we had a very strong father-daughter bond. The marriage he has with my mom always seemed stable (not like they were in love tho bc again it wasn't a love marriage) but they made it work and both were super loyal. they have different love languages so open communication between them both was tough.
super super long story short:
basically, last august on the drive up to my college, my dad told me he was having an affair with a woman overseas since last march (and her situation is so complicated that she can't even get a divorce to even be with my dad). he's never met her. he told my brother earlier in April and was forced to keep it a secret for longer than i was which is p horrible. i didn't want to directly get involved bc its such a burden but i would hint this to my mom and call my dad on weekends to tell him to tell my mom (but he would just shut me down).
eventually my mom found out in December and my dad went back and forth between deciding to cut off the woman and then telling us he would still be going to visit her soon and he didn't want to stay with my mom. played with our emotions a lot. (I'm leaving out so many key details lol)
current situation:
I'm still in college. my dad called me like 2 weeks ago to blame me for cheating (b/c i was silent initially so i am equally complicit in the action apparently...even though as the kid i was simply processing), acts like him cheating wasn't even a big deal, tries to brainwash my brother into thinking I'm the bad guy since I'm telling him to no longer trust my dad, he's still tryna play with my mom's emotions (she knows tho and is gonna divorce him in a few years)...best part is is that he still tells me and my bro that we should trust him even if he decides to cheat again! and he still thinks he's a good guy.
anyways, he's been super financially supporting me through college and i still feel tied and indebted to him. at the end of the day, it isn't just easy to cut off my dad, but I'm not quite sure how to proceed with my relationship with him...i can never forgive him because he clearly hasn't learnt his lesson and hurt my entire family so much...but also..he's my dad
how bad would i be for cutting him off? anyone in a similar boat/had a similar experience? what did you do? any advice appreciated and if more details are needed i will provide them in the comments...
thanks