I have all this knowledge of what I’d do different but I’m only having one kid

[llklein165]

I am OAD by choice. My son is almost three now and I’ve been responsible for most of the childcare. As he gets bigger and I face new challenges, I can’t help but think “If I did this over, I would do x y z to make this easier.”

For example, we are potty training. And my son REFUSES to sit on the potty for any reason. Pees standing up, refuses to poop on it. And I keep thinking- if I had introduced a potty when he was a lot younger and just let him sit on it from time to time, it would make this so much easier”. But alas, no more kids to pass this knowledge on to.

Do you ever feel like this? Or do you have advice you can pass along to me that I should implement now while he’s still this young?

 

[jjddww]

@llklein165 Just wanted to point out that every child is different, so so the wisdom you've gained from raising your son might not have worked on another child anyway

 

[jrchristian]

@jjddww This is the right answer. I have one son (19yrs) and multiple nieces & nephews (various ages). They all potty-trained different.

 

[saara]

@jjddww I agree. I often think this about sleep with my daughter but the reality is, every kid is different. We did the best we could and still she doesn’t nap independently. I asked so many friends for advice and was met with “we just did xyz with ours” and I’ve realized there is no “If we just do xyz” when it comes to her napping.

 

[inkaboutit]

@llklein165 I actually feel complete opposite than this. I'm fully aware that my daughter is all I'm gonna have and I put a lot of effort into research of every stage so that I'm 'prepared' (yea i know I'm still not but ). But then as soon as it's over I move on to the next stage and I let the last one out of my head like a damn goldfish ! I seriously have no clue what to do with a small baby anymore- if I had another I would have to do the research all over and that's not happening

 

[katrina2017]

@inkaboutit I have a friend who just had her second and I’m surprised (/not — because it’s totally natural) by how much she’s forgotten. Like, when she first had her son, she was going on and on about how easy he was. My husband and I didn’t say anything. Two weeks later, she’s telling us all the time about how fussy and impossible he is and wondering why he changed. She had forgotten that fresh babies sleep easily and that by week two or three, they become fussy. It’s just interesting how you kind of start over with every baby.

 

[airichman]

@llklein165 I had another one for a “do over” and can tell you, some of the “fixes” in your head aren’t so great. If I raised my second over, he would be raised like my first! COVID has been really tough with two kids.

Also like everyone else said, my kids are completely different so the “solutions” are impossible to know ahead of time.

 

[aaronliam]

@airichman Yeah a mum from my antenatal group was originally one and done as her first boy was very challenging.

But they got pregnant and she was pretty confident that now she 'survived the difficult child, that the second one would be easy like the rest of the groups' kids'.

She's 5 months into it now and this bub is totally different, the tricks from the first don't work at all for the second, the clothes, the milestones, the songs, etc. Totally different kid.

 

[lucashemingway1196]

@llklein165 Oh my gosh! I struggle with this too! Like what do I do with all this knowledge now?

It's harsh, but when that feeling of "what a waste" gets too loud, I tell myself that a chance at a do-over is a bad reason to bring another kid into this world, because what does that say about my first child? That doesn't sit right with me.

I also have to really watch myself for giving unsolicited advice - just because I don't want to "waste" this knowledge doesn't justify my becoming That Mom. Nobody needs That Mom. Haha.

 

[lt_ash]

@llklein165 I totally want a do-over but with the same kid please . I want to re-use all the stuff I bought too!

 

[gr3g]

@llklein165 The only thing I would change with a second is to stop following 'expert' advice on routines etc. This really caused me a lot of stress when my daughter was young as none of the 'expert' routines worked on her. I just needed to get to know my daughter and work out a custom routine that was best for her.

I know a lot of people have success with some sleep/routine programs but I kind of feel those are the easy-going kids that would have adapted to any routine maybe.

Anyway we are not having anymore kiddos but this is definitely advice that I give to new parents when asked.

 

[innerfire89]

@gr3g omg yes to this too. i have realised that every single expectation i had should’ve been thrown out of the window from day 1 and i should’ve just looked to my kid and followed his cues!

 

[justaperson1111]

@llklein165 When my girl was a newborn I remember thinking it’s like a video game - you try and figure out what works over and over until you’ve figured it out. But then they change the game halfway through and move you onto the next stage without you even realising it and they throw more stuff at you.

I’ve only just figured this game out, I don’t want to try the expansion pack

 

[jvplead2]

@llklein165 My son is almost three, we just introduced a potty for the first time two weeks ago and he has had no problems sitting on it. You did nothing wrong by waiting, all kids just react differently. And honestly you have all this knowledge for your kid, but who knows what the next one would be like? It could be similar, or you could have to throw all that knowledge out the window and start from scratch.

 

[davenavarro]

@llklein165 FTM in July, but I have two stepchildren (12M, 8F) .. I've always heard that introducing foods that don't "seem so fun" or taste as good (like vegetables & such) at a younger age, will help avoid picky eating in the future. Seems to have worked with stepson, but same practice wasn't put into play with stepdaughter.