@caterpillar5 Remember how self centered teens are (which is developmentally appropriate!) and frame it around her:
It’s so generous and kind of you to want to include your friend but as a Swiftie I bought this ticket for me. Maybe we can help your friend find tickets so we can all share the experience.”
@caterpillar5 My kids are Swifties, although we're in Europe. I don't know if it's the same over there but the person who paid for the tickets has to be at the show here - so this would be a moot point.
She's only 14 so she doesn't understand that she's hurting your feelings. I have a 15yo - she does really hurtful things like this but I know doesn't want to hurt my feelings. She just sees her mum as this constant in her life without her internal life or feelings - at that age figuring out life outside of your family is the focus. Don't take it personally, but teaching her that her actions affect you is appropriate. I have the same struggle, but 14yo are selfish in general and it's phase that passes with age and experience (more for some than others obviously!)
I agree with the other posters - tell her you want to go too and bought the tickets as a fun date because you wanted to go with her. That it hurts your feelings because from your point of view it makes you feel like she doesn't want to go with you (This probably isn't true, she just is more interested in hanging out with peers because of her age)
Once you're both at the show together you will have a great time and she will have a fond memory of you two bonding over a shared love of Taylor.
@caterpillar5 I’m so sorry this is happening. I feel you completely. There’s no doubt one day she’ll look back on this and regret it so much that it will hurt her to think about it. For now, though, know that being selfish is part of the teenage experience. Don’t back down but also don’t take it as a commentary on how she feels about you.
@caterpillar5 I think you should sit your daughter down and say to her this was a special gift for you and me. If you don’t want to come with me let me know and I can take my sister (or someone else) instead.
@caterpillar5 It's the age. The friends probably doesn't even have the money for the cost of the ticket and then who is driving them? You? So you can sit in the parking lot the whole time. No frigging way! You need to talk with your daughter about your feelings. She is learning that's it's not all about her which is hard for them to do at this age
@caterpillar5 Ahh the joy of teenagers! I wouldn’t take it personally, (I have teenagers and sometimes they just DO NOT get it and their friends are the center of their universe) but take your sister if she can’t be grateful. And tell her friend that’s not appropriate for her to text you like that and that it makes you feel bad.
@caterpillar5 It is ok to say no and you 1000% should say no. Either she goes with her mother or her mother goes with a friend. The ticket isn’t for some random teen.
Personally, I’d take your sister. Your daughter can go when she buys her own ticket
@caterpillar5 You need to say, “If you do not want to accept this gift of time with me (your mother) and this experience together it disappoints me. If you do not want to go, that is fine and I respect that. I will take someone who will enjoy my company and the experience with me.”
Don’t bother engaging the friend or the friend’s parents as this will only serve to foster more resentment with your own daughter and likely create ill will with the friend and her parent.
If your daughter continues to pout or try to get her friend involved, I would say you have several options:
Ground her from her phone/communication tool with this friend until she can apologize saying exactly why what she did was rude (IE “I am sorry I was rude by saying/doing XYZ”
Sell the tickets outright to another fan (preferably someone you do not know). And tell your daughter that you’d rather sell the tickets than continue to be treated poorly.
Block the friend on your phone. This would then force them to say these things to your face at which point you would say what a previous poster said about the purchase was made so that you and your daughter could have this time and experience together. You can tell the friend that you are sorry she will miss this concert and that you hope they have lots of fun together when they are 18 and old enough to drive to and attend a concert on their own.
@caterpillar5 14 year old girls are absolutely brutal sometimes. She will look back on this and feel bad. Get into it and make some fun bracelets with her. It’s not your responsibility to get her bestie a ticket and that’s absurd that she’s texting YOU.
@caterpillar5 I feel like this is normal teenage behavior but this is also how you teach her it’s not appropriate so hold your ground. From my own experience, I feel like this is one of those moments that she’ll think about years from now and be embarrassed that she even asked.
@caterpillar5 Get her a babysitter, even if she's past the age of a babysitter. Then invite your own friend to go, and go with your friend. Let your daughter stew on that.
