I got Taylor Swift tickets for me and my 14 y.o. daughter and she doesn’t want me to go

[caterpillar5]

My (40f) daughter (14) has been dying to get Taylor Swift tickets for the last few months. A week before the concert my coworker got a special code that she could get 4 tickets, she bought 2 for herself and let me use her code to get two tickets. We are not sitting with my coworker. I was so excited at work to come home and tell my daughter about the tickets, I knew she would be on cloud nine. I wrote a note on an envelope about how I planned a special date night for her and I, and then she opened the envelope and the tickets are inside. She started crying she was so excited. I am Taylor Swift fan too - I went to her 1989 tour concert with my sister years ago. So my daughter is planning her outfit, making bracelets, I get an outfit too. The problem is her best friend doesn’t have a ticket. Her best friend is now texting me begging me for my ticket and my daughter is asking me to give her friend my ticket. It has really hurt my feelings that my daughter doesn’t want to go with me. But also I feel like the girls are being so rude. When is it ever appropriate when someone invites you to go somewhere to say actually can I just have those tickets and go without you. I have been kind of ignoring the conversation because it’s been mostly through text and I don’t know what to say. I don’t want to be that lecture mom or martyr mom, but I do feel like she needs to realize what she is doing is rude. I was looking forward to this fun night with my daughter and now I honestly feel like I would rather take my sister. Please help, tell me what to say to my daughter.

 

[chunhe889]

@caterpillar5 "I bought the tickets for you and me to go for some mother-daughter time. You and Jane spend lots of time together and that's great, but I bought this for us."

If she continues to argue:

"It hurts my feelings that you don't want to go with me. I like Taylor Swift too. If you'd rather not go with me, I can find someone else to come with me, but I'd much rather go with you and have fun together."

It's ok to tell your kid that she's hurt your feelings. They need to realize that family time is important too.

 

[noelotus2]

@chunhe889 It’s even more than ok, it’s necessary to help the kid learn what’s ok and what’s not. I would sit them down and tell them exactly that and then use a trick I learned when my kids were toddlers: “asked and answered”. That’s your reply when they keep begging. Don’t repeat yourself, don’t let it get into yet another discussion, just say, “I already told you the answer and I’m not going to discuss it anymore”

And feel free to tell her best friend the same thing, that’s ok too.

 

[jerrygg38]

@noelotus2 3 kids between 2 and 9 and asked and answered is a big phrase in our home.

 

[kianicole]

@noelotus2 Adopting asked and answered

 

[przemek]

@chunhe889 This is perfect. She’s probably just trying to be empathetic to her best friend and getting pressure from her friend.

Teens don’t always see their parents as people.

I bet she has a great time with you.

 

[daisiesmom]

@chunhe889 This is the right answer

 

[jermcoles]

@caterpillar5 How is it okay for a child to text her friend’s mother asking to take something expensive and rare from said mother? I am struggling with how that is acceptable behavior.

Your daughter is in the wrong but maybe doesn’t understand you’re genuinely a fan, too? I’m being generous with that, but it could be worth approaching her from that angle - you’re her mom, and you’re also a TS fan. You bought tickets and invited your daughter. You did not offer your daughter two tickets and suggest she take you.

They’re your tickets. Both your daughter and her friend could learn something about entitlement and respect in this situation.

 

[anita5050]

@jermcoles I would also add to this - it’s ok to let the daughter know that SHE is the invited guest of you, and thst the tickets aren’t hers.

 

[feargodnotthem]

@jermcoles It is absolutely not and if I had the parents number, I would be having a chat with them.

 

[vlovesgod]

@jermcoles Thank you for highlighting this aspect- both of my kids (12 f and 10f) have a couple friends who somehow got my number and will text me to ask for sleepovers etc. I'm so not into it I don't even reply to their texts- I always think "these little girls would not text my husband these questions so it's inappropriate" like who is raising these kids to approach adults this way... my younger friend who text me and complain like "if I don't get to sleepover at your house today I have to go to my dads house for the whole weekend and I don't want to go there it's boring" and I just wish she would stop but I also don't tell her to stop beside I feel mean but anyway yeah a rant about that

 

[peabody4242]

@vlovesgod Same! My daughter is 13. They text me and I ignore and tell my daughter what's up. They also find me in social media and share and make fun of pics. That's what this age does now. They scope out the parents pages for pics of the friend when they were younger or embarrassing pics

 

[objectivist]

@peabody4242 That’s exactly what they do! My son has asked me to make my socials private so his friends can’t see my “embarrassing” photos of our family.

 

[jwilliams26]

@vlovesgod I suggest blocking their numbers. If you want, you can text them first to say that as an adult you have the boundary that you do not text children and that if they feel they MUST contact you, that they can as their parents first and then speak to you through their parent.

 

[pastorben]

@jermcoles I think this situation can quite easily be handled without making anyone feel bad about asking…

 

[jermcoles]

@pastorben “Texting me begging” didn’t sound like politely asking to me. If it does to you, okay.

 

[posseng]

@caterpillar5 They are being very RUDE.. I’d tell your daughter stop the pestering about the tickets we can go together and have a wonderful time or I can go with my sister.. this isn’t up for negotiation.. period.. you can even go a step further and have your sister call n text her asking for her ticket.. *sometimes teenagers just don’t get it until it’s them.

 

[caterpillar5]

@posseng I like the thought of mentioning my sister texting her for her ticket. Thanks for the laugh

 

[posseng]

@caterpillar5 Of course!!! That’s what we are here for! Hope y’all get to go and have a fabulous time!

 

[tozirereers1974]

@caterpillar5 I wouldn’t let my fourteen year old go to a concert unless I was chaperoning her the whole time. She can go with me or she can stay home.