@poppa51 I totally see both sides here. You did what you thought was right and approached this lady in a nice way to let her know about a safety issue (I think the way you phrased it was lovely and doesn’t seem judgey or arrogant or anything). But, I absolutely hate talking to strangers and being called out on something I’m doing with my baby by a stranger in public would probably have my hackles raised too. I doubt I would be rude (but I’m v non confrontational) but I can totally see why she felt defensive and reacted like she did. I don’t think you did anything wrong but I’d also give that mom a lot of grace, you don’t know what she was dealing with or the day she’d had or anything.
@plimer_billo I will NEVER get the defensiveness and pride because of a simple comment or advice, just ignore it if its not useful for you ir look it up to see if its right. No need to get mad.
@marksmith82 You never know what kind of day that mom has been having, if she’s got a critical mother in law or an unhelpful husband and even though OP is very right to say something if she’s criticized or judged for her parenting on all sides she might be reactionary to a comment from a random stranger at Costco
@poppa51 You did nothing wrong and we also should 100% give this mum grace. Let’s face it she was probably tired, stressed etc and then having a stranger point something out I bet she knows is dangerous probably made her feel like shit. She lashed out, I bet she feels badly about it too. Don’t stress it too much x
@poppa51 I read a news article a while back about a mother who was running errands while her newborn was in a carrier on the way to the doctors, and by the time she got there her baby had suffocated.
Scarred me silly to the point where I couldn't really use carriers after that, so I absolutely don't think you did anything wrong. She may have gotten defensive, but I bet she adjusted baby when you were out of eyeshot; I think most people would even if they were indignant 'just in case'. Don't feel bad. You did what you thought was right.
@neobondjames This is literally what I was going to comment (though I read it on Reddit).
I once had a woman give me unsolicited advice when my LO was a newborn and bawling in his covered bassinet-stroller. She told me in a loud voice that my baby was suffocating in heat (he wasn't). I loudly responded that he wasn't. But she just kept repeating this to me. I think that was an asshole move on her part, to insist this and to basically yell at me. He was literally just tired and hungry.
I've also been told by a merchant at a farmer's market after 5 minutes of me shopping at her booth that it's cold and I should put a blanket on him. I didn't know what I was doing, so I appreciated that.
You thought the baby was unsafe and you spoke up. You approached her nicely and with recent experience with baby wearing. There has been countless other instances of unsolicited advice I've received, and I think the way you did it was gentle and informative. We need more people to speak up and to do so well. Thank you for looking out for others.
@poppa51 It was a lovely thing to step in and offer advice to someone about the safety of the baby.
It was also totally understandable that she felt overwhelmed by a stranger going out of their way to tell her she did something wrong as a mom. God knows we passively and directly deal with that all the time. (I bet a dad wouldn’t have stopped to correct another dad on the street).
It’s just one of those no wrong answers/parties here situations.
@poppa51 As a person who HATES unsolicited advice, I still don't think you did anything wrong. And even though I hate it with every fiber of my being, I still respond graciously, even if I'm rejecting the advice. So I'm sorry she responded to you that way.
@marksmith82 The reason I hate it is because most of the time I've spent a lot of time and research making sure I'm doing things the right way and in a way that's right for me. I'm a problem solver and a voracious researcher. If someone is trying to give me advice, I've already thought about it and ruled it out, tried it and it didn't work for me, or am already doing it. It's very rare for someone to give me good and relevant advice because they just don't know my life and they don't know me. However, when someone actually tells me something that is helpful, I do appreciate it and I'm usually quite eager to find out what else they may know that's useful to me. But usually in conversation it feels like people are digging for problems that I'm not trying to share so they can offer solutions I didn't ask for. I do give off a vibe I think that I need to be fixed, so I just expect it now and it doesn't bother me as much as it used to.
But I also want you to notice that I said I'm very gracious with people who are giving me advice that I didn't ask for. That means that I do physically listen to them speak, so your concern about "What if they're right" is irrelevant because that question implies that I'm missing out by not listening in the first place. As I said, I'm not rude to them at all, so it seems like you're just judging me for a mere feeling that I have or for the simple fact that my brain works differently than yours (and a lot of people actually do dislike unsolicited advice as much as I do). I rather think people should be judged by their actions instead.
@pottie84 No, I didn't say it's impossible for me to be wrong, and I also didn't say that I felt offended. The problem with both unsolicited advice and with your unsolicited opinion is assumptions. Don't you think it's just as arrogant to assume someone's motives or character, or to dump your advice on someone assuming that they know less than you and need your help, as it would be to assume you know everything? Which ironically is what you're accusing me of but it seems like you're the one who thinks they know everything. Fine. Nowhere in my life's purpose does it say to make sure some unknown bully on the internet approves of me. I came here to validate OP from a different perspective for giving unsolicited advice and make them feel better about it. That proves the exact opposite of what you're accusing me of. What's your purpose for being here? Maybe get off your high horse and choose kindness.
@poppa51 Just because it's not her first doesn't mean she's an expert on everything and does everything perfectly. Lots of people do everything wrong with ALL of their kids, lol.
@poppa51 While we are here can someone give advice on how to wear these/what not to do etc? I’m a FTM and baby is still in the NICU so I haven’t worn one but will in the future. I don’t have one of the wrap ones but I was gifted the graco cradle me lite.
