I can’t do this

K

kattty222i

New member
My baby is almost 5 weeks old, it’s my first. My husband went back to work M-F and I can’t do this. He won’t sleep in a bassinet or crib or a swing or anything for more than a handful of minutes. I’m even doing bed sharing now, which I absolutely hate. It doesn’t matter. He won’t sleep unless you walk him around in a carrier or hold him and pat his back until he’s dead asleep. And you can’t transfer him anywhere at that point either because he just wakes up. We’ve bought so many kinds of swaddles. I’ve filled his belly as much as I can. I’ve put my clothes and a heating pad in his bed before putting him in it. We’ve done baths before bed. Now him and I are in a bed together. I even ordered a snoo. It doesn’t matter. The only thing that works is being held or walked but it’s only me now. Before my husband went back to work, the only thing we could do is take shifts. But I can’t stay up all night and then be home with him all day and only take 2 two hour naps in the evening in between feeds when my husband is home. I kept falling asleep holding or feeding him in unsafe places. We don’t have family nearby, but even when my mom is here she can’t be up with him during the night, and she can only be here for a couple days at a time. He won’t even keep the boob in his mouth laying with me in bed so everytime it falls out he wakes up and screams. My nipples are sore from him latching and unlatching all night trying to sleep. Everyone says this will end but that doesn’t help. I’m on antidepressants and I see my therapist every week but I can’t do this if I can’t sleep. How am I even supposed to go back to work at 3 months?
 
@kattty222i You are doing everything right. From your description above it sounds like you are exhausted, in pain and frustrated. All are normal feelings. I am not a mom, but a dad who took care of our little one during this time while my wife healed/went back to work.
  • Have you considered switching to formula? I know this is a touchy subject, and sometimes taken as an insult. It can alleviate some of the stress/pain of feeding. Also you can gauge how much they are eating.
  • 5 week mark could be the start of a growth spurt. 3 week, 6 weeks, 3 months, 6 months they sprout and get very fussy, and hungry. It lasts a few days, but cluster feeding is real.
  • For sleeping try to put him in the bassinet and hold his hand.
  • Take him to the doctor to see if there is anything medical going on (acid reflux, breast milk intolerance, etc).
Kudos to you for going to therapy, very important.

At the end of the day you are doing an amazing job. Keep it up, try new things to see what works, what doesn’t work. Also, you are half way through the newborn phase. Around three-four months they start sleeping more (5-6 hours at a time) and feeding becomes less.
 
@tokage Seconding the formula if you're open to it. My hubby also went back to work around 5-6 weeks postpartum and I genuinely don't think I could have handled it without formula. There are ways to make a bigger batch ahead of time (we use Dr Brown's pitcher, keep it in the fridge for max 24h and warm up a bottle as needed in an electric bottle warmer, literally takes 2 min). Formula is said to metabolize more slowly, keeping them full longer. Also usually they eat a bigger amount from a bottle (though avoid Philips Avent if you're aiming for that) which again keeps them full longer. At 5-6 weeks my bub was sleeping 4 hours minimum at one time, allowing me to at least function. Anecdotally all my friends who breastfeed got max 2 hours. Now at 11 weeks he sleeps about 6 hours at once at night. It's still hard but manageable.
 
@yytg12 Him sleeping isn’t a problem though, it’s that he will only sleep when held. I can get 2-4 hours of sleep when my husband stays up to hold him but now that he’s back at work there’s no one to hold him for me so I can sleep for those 2-4 hours. He’s even gone for up to 6 hours twice.
 
@kattty222i So you're handling the entire night just because your husband went back to work? That doesn't sound sustainable for you. Why can't he take part of the night still?
 
@kattty222i I understand. My intuition says that if he's really knocked out nutritionally he'll sleep more deeply and won't need to be held so much. That's the case for my bub. If he eats a bit and I hold him, he'll fall asleep in my arms but wake up the moment I put him in his crib. But if he's had a good meal of 140ml (at 11 weeks) then he'll nap a good 1-2 hours in his crib 🤷‍♀️
 
@kattty222i How long is your husband sleeping at night? I have an 11 week old and my husband went back to work after 1 week off. He still wakes up to take a shift at night (though we fortunately are past the contact nap only during the night). We just make sure to sleep in shifts. He goes to bed right after our toddler goes to bed, then I wake him a few hours later to take over. I make sure he gets another few hours before he goes to work.
 
@kattty222i My trick during the day was, rocking him to sleep in my arms and wait until he’s deep asleep, then I slowly laid down on bed with him. This is the only way I could nap without him crying when being put down lol
 
@kattty222i My guy, even on formula and eating loads, was like this. For us it was a combo of gas pains (gave him lots and lots of gas drops, etc, and it helped!) And just being a newborn. Around 5 weeks he suddenly decided he was willing to sleep in his crib at night. He still refused it during the day until now at 8 weeks he's getting a little better at daytime naps. But before he decided to enjoy his crib, he would only sleep while held. We survived by taking shifts and having parents around to help. And being able to sleep through his feeds due to using formula is VERY helpful.

I wish you luck & hope your LO decides to enjoy his own bed soon.
 
@ty347 I like Avent - my baby happily switches between breast and bottle. We started bottle feeding with Avent when she was maybe 5 days old. It's slow flow though so (say that 5 times fast) not the best of you really want to fill baby up, I'm guessing.
 
@ty347 Another opinion here. I breastfed and used Avent Bottles, we’re working on weaning from bottles. They are extremely helpful if you plan on breastfeeding long term
 
@ty347 They try to make their nipples be as similar to breastfeeding as possible, leading to babies needing to work much harder to get milk out. We bought Avent for newborns and our baby couldn't get anything out, he was crying and starving. We're using Avent flow number 3, which is technically for older babies, which makes it easier for the baby to get milk out. It's totally backwards with Avent and very very difficult to predict what size nipple you will need. We're sticking with Avent 3 cause it works now, but I wasted quite some time, money and stress to try different nipples.
 
@yytg12 Yea there’s an issue with avent nipple #2. I have a love hate relationship with the avent bottle (the one without the colic thingy). I love the no drip nipple but I think it causes gas. My baby was so colicky when taking avent
 
@kattty222i You are not alone. You’re doing amazing. I hear you and felt every word as I’ve been there. It gets better I promise. In the meantime, can your husband help you overnight taking shifts? He is back at work I understand, but you are also working and you are not getting a break. Sore nipples - squeeze and rub a little bit of breastmilk on them and let them air dry when you can.
 
@kattty222i My baby is 2.5 months and we’re still not having luck getting her to sleep in her bassinet or even on our bed next to me. My husband went back to work at 2 weeks Monday-Saturday, but we still do shifts. He has a horrible split shift right now so he has to leave around 3:30am and is done for the day at 6pm (with a 2 hour gap from 10am-12pm), so we’re only each getting about 4 hours of sleep during the work week. This is not the kind of problem only one person can tackle, I would talk to your husband about going back to doing shifts. They might be leaving during the day for work, but taking care of a baby (ESPECIALLY one who will only sleep while being held) is honestly harder than any job I’ve ever done. I have to go back to work next week so we’ve been more desperately trying to lay her down to sleep, but now she has horrible mucus in her throat all night that sounds like she can’t breath and is choking every time I lay her on her back. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, and I wish I had a suggestion that would help. I really just wanted to let you know you’re not alone. I try to remember this will end eventually, but when I’m exhausted that doesn’t really help.
 
@kattty222i Could your husband start getting up for his work day earlier and taking bub for a few hours so you can have some uninterrupted rest in the morning too? My partner starts wfh at 8am so from 5am he is on baby duty and I get 2.5 hours uninterrupted sleep. I know that’s not a problem solver and isn’t enough sleep to run off, but I highly recommend getting that extra rest time if he’s able to. I think it’s really important for your partner to share this sleep load and I understand he’s working, but you’re working too by being home with the baby all the time
 
@kattty222i I’m so sorry. Sounds like you are putting your everything into this. My 2nd was similar I felt like I didn’t sleep for months, and I thought it would kill me at the time. I had bruises on my arm from holding in her binky over the bassinet wall.

You are not alone. Get help whenever you can
 
@kattty222i The title could be me except my baby is not even 5 weeks old yet, she is just 3 weeks old. I am struggling so much. My husband is at work most of the time even when he is home he has to cook, clean and work from home so i am the one looking after the baby all the time. She slept like a goddess for 10 days after her birth but these past 13 days have been tough for me. I can't even have suppers that's how time consuming she is. I love her to bits but i dont think i can do this for much longer. The sad thing is she is just 23 days old!!!
 
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