@rtellard For us to not have a relationship with them. It should be, but he's a kind-to-a-fault kind of guy... I think he'll continue feeling that way until it gets closer to our wedding day and the pressure is put on- when he realizes what I've been dealing with, that we're going to have to hide the fact that we're trying from them. :/ not like I'm hoping for confrontation, but I don't think he sees it in quite the same light I do. I was the lucky 1 of 5 attempted babies of my mother's, and she was the age I will be when we get married when she was TTC, so I'm a little more than freaked out. :/
I 22f & fiancé 21m, hoping to try in 2017, BUT..
- Thread starter paleouss
- Start date
-
- Tags
- waiting for baby
@paleouss If he's not willing to cut off toxic relationships then you two need to talk about that and about priorities.
To me it seems like either it really is something silly and you should try when you're ready and nobody will actually care, or it's something serious and they are very toxic so it shouldn't matter if they care.
Getting pregnant before someone else shouldn't be something offensive or hurtful.
To me it seems like either it really is something silly and you should try when you're ready and nobody will actually care, or it's something serious and they are very toxic so it shouldn't matter if they care.
Getting pregnant before someone else shouldn't be something offensive or hurtful.
digitalphiltv
New member
@paleouss Look, you guys are adults. Do what is right for your family (meaning you, your fiancé, and any future children). You will NEVER make everyone happy, no matter what, so do what you want for yourselves.
I will say I am in the midst of sibling pregnancy drama, and it sucks big time. My older brother and SIL have been trying for 2.5 years to get pregnant with no luck, I got pregnant pretty much right away in the fall. Things between us have been awful. So there may be some unpleasantness, but you've just got to deal with it as it comes.
I will say I am in the midst of sibling pregnancy drama, and it sucks big time. My older brother and SIL have been trying for 2.5 years to get pregnant with no luck, I got pregnant pretty much right away in the fall. Things between us have been awful. So there may be some unpleasantness, but you've just got to deal with it as it comes.
@paleouss No way would I wait for someone else to get their lives in order. Your marriage and life is not dependent on someone else's life plans. Plain and simple. Yes, it sucks if your little brother has kids before you because your husband won't come around, but that's your own cross to carry.
Now, I totally get people being rude about you getting married younger regardless of xyz facts (you've actually been together longer, etc etc etc). It's the same way here (my family was horrible about it). We haven't been open with one of my brother's sisters because she's very judgmental, thinks there's only one right way to live your life and everyone else is doing it wrong if they don't do it like her, her shit don't stink and we are always making the wrong decisions, etc etc etc.
She said at Christmas that when my SIL had her first at 25 she was "really really young" but she considers it "normal" to have kids at 30 now. She made it clear that she was emphasizing the really really part of young. Even though we are both older than you, my husband is nearing 30 himself actually, I'm sure there will be lots of judgment. I sympathize.
Now, I totally get people being rude about you getting married younger regardless of xyz facts (you've actually been together longer, etc etc etc). It's the same way here (my family was horrible about it). We haven't been open with one of my brother's sisters because she's very judgmental, thinks there's only one right way to live your life and everyone else is doing it wrong if they don't do it like her, her shit don't stink and we are always making the wrong decisions, etc etc etc.
She said at Christmas that when my SIL had her first at 25 she was "really really young" but she considers it "normal" to have kids at 30 now. She made it clear that she was emphasizing the really really part of young. Even though we are both older than you, my husband is nearing 30 himself actually, I'm sure there will be lots of judgment. I sympathize.
@xic Ugh, right? If I'm too young to be getting married in their eyes, then I'm sure I'm DEFINITELY too young to have children... Any time children have been mentioned in conversation and we say literally anything, we get the side-eye like we shouldn't even be talking about it until they've had them.. So frustrating!
Good luck with your own issues :/ that sister sounds like a pain, since when is 25 too young??? I always have to question the people that say you need to go and travel and explore the world or you'll regret it and resent your kids. I don't have the money to go travel even if I had a huge desire to, I'd rather be saving up for a baby.
Good luck with your own issues :/ that sister sounds like a pain, since when is 25 too young??? I always have to question the people that say you need to go and travel and explore the world or you'll regret it and resent your kids. I don't have the money to go travel even if I had a huge desire to, I'd rather be saving up for a baby.
@paleouss I got down voted on reddit the other day for telling someone I'm not missing out on anything by having kids young because all the things they listed were things I didn't enjoy (late nights bar hopping, staying at a restaurant with friends til closing, etc). Whatever. I'm happy with my life choices, I've always been an old soul and the partying and clubbing mentality has never suited me.
Yeah, his sister is...challenging. I'm really not excited for her to find out we are trying, which I'm sure will happen since my husband told his other sister we will be trying soon. It'll be interesting because last time his sisters were pregnant together, and now Judgmental Sister will be trying to get pregnant again. It was a lot of drama and hormotional women the 9 months. I'm sure it'll be even better with the added in judgment from them! Last time she was stoked to be pregnant with her sister and it was still a lot of drama.
Of course they judged us for moving back home (not a good career move!! And we didn't move near to them!) too, so it seems they're just judgmental in general.
Yeah, his sister is...challenging. I'm really not excited for her to find out we are trying, which I'm sure will happen since my husband told his other sister we will be trying soon. It'll be interesting because last time his sisters were pregnant together, and now Judgmental Sister will be trying to get pregnant again. It was a lot of drama and hormotional women the 9 months. I'm sure it'll be even better with the added in judgment from them! Last time she was stoked to be pregnant with her sister and it was still a lot of drama.
Of course they judged us for moving back home (not a good career move!! And we didn't move near to them!) too, so it seems they're just judgmental in general.