My daughter is 16 months and I love being a mom but the tantrums really just are a lot. I can’t imagine going through the whole newborn stage… again. She was colic and it was horrid. She’s the best baby now, sleeps 11-12 hours a night with no issues unless teething, and is just happy. I feel like if I have another it’ll be opposite and I cannot ever fathom sleepless nights 24/7. Also the thought of having to wake up every few hours for a newborn on top of having a toddler sounds very unappealing. I have a sister and not that we’re grown we always hang out, get food together, she’s the person I call when I’m crying/upset and I just know like “at least I have my sister” I just want my daughter to be able to have that life long friend but I just don’t know.
I also get really really overstimulated when my daughter cries and whines, I can’t imagine having two that eventually are just fighting with each other. I like being able to have my peace and quiet when I can get it, and focus on one kid, and I feel like having a baby def took a toll on my relationship but I feel so guilty for saying this.
If I’m also being honest, when I hear other moms are pregnant, I get like…jealous? Or I envy them and I wish I could be pregnant but then I think about the newborn days and they’re so incredibly exhausting like I just don’t think I can do it.
@psotelo Same!! Loved being preggo. Love having one kid. But also want my kid to be offered the same sibling bonds that are core to who I am as a person. Such a conundrum. But Ive made my peace with it mostly. We are content with our family the way things are. We have a happy healthy lifestyle and our daughter will be blessed with a stable loving family. Who knows what kind of things would change or break in our family with more children. Not their fault of course but it changes everything from mental health, time, money, space, etc.
@daman777 It sounds like you want no part in raising two children, yet you want to reap a hypothetical future reward of a bonded pair. I understand your feelings completely, but I must say for the love of god please do not have another child based on the bond you have with your sister. I have two siblings, neither of them are my friends or confidants. Imagine how it would feel being the second child who was born with the main intention to be the older child’s plaything, one they might not even get along with. Only have another child because YOU WANT to have the child.
@houstonreborn I love my brother. We're close but his work schedule is far too busy to actually talk or get a lot of time with him. I definitely confide in my friends and spouse a lot more. He's probably number 10 or greater down my list. We also didn't get along in our teen years and that was hard for everyone.
As someone who eventually got closer to my brother, I still don't get the sibling bonding argument. My mom and her 2 sisters aren't getting along at all right now and neither are my 3 SILs. It's exhausting and we're happy we don't live close enough to their drama.
@houstonreborn I have 3 siblings, 2 sisters. We get along fine but none of us are best friends and we don’t speak often. They’re okay, I guess, but we just are very different people. I’m happy for people whose siblings become built in best friends but honestly think that’s the exception, not the rule
@daman777 You wrote exactly what I’ve been wanting to post about. My baby girl is 15 months. The mental back and forth is tormenting. I wish i had a crystal ball!
@daman777 Mine’s just a month older than yours and I change my mind every day for a lot of the same sleep deprived reasons. Sometimes I try to picture a future family where the kids are older like 8 and 11 or young adults…would the newborn stage be worth getting through?
I honestly don’t know. We’re going to more seriously talk about it when LO is 2 years old so I’m sure I’ll have a different child by then because he changes so fast. I would rather regret NOT having a second than having a second and regretting it, so many days I lean towards no because I do like my family the way it is right now!
@tbvsthienloc2020 So far, my brother has two and he says he regrets having a second. While he loves his second kid, he's been unhappy with the situation ever since the youngest was born, especially since the older kid is still not coping super well with having a little sibling (they're 2.5 and 5 years old). He is oftentimes talking about how easy it would be if it was just the older kid...I'm hopeful he'll end up being happy about it eventually, like when they're closer to teenage/young adult years but seeing him so miserable for over two years now is upsetting tbh.
@dianne46 Honestly I appreciate you commenting with this honesty. I think people sometimes downplay regret they might have about adding another, especially when there’s so much stigma around having an only.
@daman777 I’m on the fence too. Sitting here with you.
My son is 27 months. He didn’t sleep through the night til 24 months, and I bedshared for most of those to get some semblance of sleep.
My son is the only child on both sides of the family. No cousins currently and none soon on the horizon. I stay home with him but we socialize a lot. I sometimes think since he won’t have cousins, I should have a sibling. But I think back to the past two years of sleep deprivation versus how I feel now as a rested human, with micro moments of me coming back and my marriage feeling steady again and I immediately think one is great. One is enough.
It’s hard to know. Im hoping I get a strong inclination either way. Being in the middle makes it hard to feel sure or present, at least for me.
