My daughter is almost 3 and I’m still sleeping with her. We were in a 1 bedroom apartment for the first 2.5 years of her life, and we’ve recently moved into a 2 bedroom, but she refuses to sleep alone.
I put her to bed and then come to me and my husbands room, but she’ll wake up and start crying and screaming so I go and sleep with her, in her single bed!
She’s been napping in our room, and the past 2 days has insisted on sleeping here too. I’ll tell her a couple stories, but she’ll want to be stroked on her back until she falls asleep. It took me almost two hours tonight. Don’t think I can do this much longer, I’m losing my mind.
I’ve read about the chair technique, but it seems impossible that it would work. I’m feeling helpless and would really appreciate some advice
@kworld12 I wasn’t in your exact situation, but at one point after a big change in our family, my husband or I had to lay down on the ground next to my 2 year old’s bed until he fell asleep, and then we would leave the room. You may try doing that for a little while and see if it helps!
Moving to her own room requires her to get used to
1. Sleeping in a new room/house
2. Sleeping in a new bed
3. Sleeping without mom and dad
So if you can still sleep with her in the new room, it would help ease the transition. Then once she seems comfortable with the new space, work on her falling asleep in the room without you
@kworld12 It’s going to be hard but so is what you’re doing now. So you just have to choose which hard thing you want to do (sleep train or continue to contact sleep) and commit to that. I would recommend reading the sleep lady shuffle book. It’s basically the chair method. She has guidance specifically for transitioning out of bed sharing and sleep training a preschooler. It’s called The Sleep Lady’s Good Night Sleep Tight. I recommend it to people looking for a gradual approach and people transitioning away from bed sharing a lot. I would read the whole book. Don’t try to sleep train with the cliffs notes version of whatever method you choose. The right schedule, consistent bedtime, and bedtime routine are also really important. You can get your child sleeping independently. But it will take some knowledge, hard work, and commitment.
@kworld12 It’s all about boundaries. Read 1-2-3 Magic (there’s even a free pdf version floating online) and follow it to a T. Use the sticker chart and hatch light as some people suggested and, most importantly, no emotion and no engaging. Bedtime is for sleep, not negotiating. Be a dull, boring robot. You want to provide zero motivation for your daughter to want to hang out with you at night. It’ll be hard but you can do it!
@kworld12 How long have you been in this new apartment? Honestly it seems a little intense to expect her to feel ok being in her own room so suddenly when not only is she alone, but it’s a brand new place. Maybe give her a floor bed in your room and let that be her bed for a few weeks/months while she adjusts to the new house. Have her own bedroom setup as well and spend your time getting ready for bed in there and tell her about how she will sleep in there someday when she’s older. It sounds like she is just really anxious and needs some time to adjust to the change of moving before suddenly being in a room all by herself.
@dimas It’s been about 3 months now. I’ve been sleeping in her room the entire time. We’re settled into the new apartment, but need to settle her into sleeping on her own in a gentle way. She seems very afraid though, even to be in any room by herself, as soon as she realizes I’m not there she’ll quickly run after me shouting mom mom…
@kworld12 I sleep trained with Ferber at 4 months so I don't know if this is helpful.....but it worked like a charm. There were tears, and the pop ins seemed to reassure me more than him. But now at 8 months he loveeessss his own bed and is coooing and happy first thing in the a.m. If he wakes up in the night I know it's because he's sick or is popping a new tooth. Good luck!
@scttlttl It took 3 days! We night weaned at the same time. We didn't do naps at the same time because he basically started putting himself to sleep right away. Now that he's sleep trained if he's extra fussy before bedtime or a nap I'll still rock him till he's drowsy but that's only about 10% of the time.
@auddieme Amazing!! Thank you! I’m hoping to night wean as well.. I always get so scared to start and my anxiety is off the roof! I’m worried the check ins will make him cry even more but I’m not ready for CIO. Hopefully it will go smoothly!! Was your little one very dependent on rocking etc before going to sleep before you started ST?
My son is currently in the snoo, and has to be fully bounced on a yoga ball until fully asleep before he will go into the snoo. I’m hoping to go cold Turkey and transfer him out of snoo into crib and do ferber all at once. Hoping it goes well!!
@auddieme We were the same, it worked so quickly. We waited until 6m, which we kicked ourselves for.. we wished we started sooner, we thought it was going to be this big thing and we had travel coming up so we waited. It took 3 days
@scttlttl so classical "every kid is different". Our first kid it took about a week. Also with him, the reassurance didn't help it just started the process over so we stopped and just let him cry. First day it was 15 minutes, then 5 then he was fine. 4 days in and he was falling asleep and staying asleep. he was also the easier one.
@kworld12 We didn’t do it at this age so I can only imagine it will be much harder with soooo much more routine engrained in her to break, but we did it at 11 months and it only took 3 nights to have our son sleep in his crib, alone, all night, with no meltdown ahead of time. Best thing we ever did. The first night he threw a fit for almost an hour before exhausting himself, falling asleep and sleeping through the night. 2nd night he cried for 30 min then slept through the night, 3rd night was 5 min and down. He’s a little over 2 now and has never slept in our bed or room since. He wakes up in the night occasionally, if he has a dream or something we redo the bed time routine and back to sleep. We only waited until 11 months because my wife felt so guilty letting him cry, ask her about it now and she’ll say she wished she did it at 6 months and can’t believe she waited so long. It was way better for our son and SOOO MUCH BETTER for us. Don’t let the guilt get to you, and you won’t regret it afterwards!
