I’m an idiot and MatLeave in this country sucks

J

jedidiahanointing

New member
Yes this is about the US. When I took my most recent (0% paid) maternity leave, I took ~9 weeks. My dumbass forgot that my 12 months of paychecks is actually 9 months of paychecks spread out over 12 months. So my dumbass forgot that while I only missed 5 paydays, that’s actually just over 8 paychecks. Which I didn’t fully prepare for. I prepared for 5 paychecks.

It’s fine. We’re fine. I’m just feeling hurt and punished (?) for having a baby by my chosen job field and country of birth.
 
@jedidiahanointing Becoming a mom in the us has been so eye opening. No wonder so many women don’t go back to work. There are literally zero resources for us to do so. No paid leave, no tax benefits, no access to affordable childcare, etc. we are literally set up to fail as working moms. (Oh and I have wonderful support at home, a good paying job, and awesome employer benefits).
 
@ray34iyf That's by design. "They" (politicians who refuse to pass policies that help working families, and the people who vote for them) don't want women to have the same professional opportunities as men.

Remember, this is a country that elected a hateful, idiotic, fascist con man for President largely because the other candidate was a woman. A country where a significant number of voters are willing to throw away democracy if that's what it takes to uphold cishet white male supremacy.
 
@abbayabba Doesn’t it make you wonder what our country and our companies would look like if woman actually run them? Not to say all of our problems would go away. But it’s a fantasy of mine to flip the script.

Side note: my in laws say their eyes are “finally open” to working mom struggles. They cannot believe we are so far behind on parental leave like the EU counties. My response “well you decided to vote red the last 30 years and this is what you get” 🙄
 
@ray34iyf I dunno, a lot of women out there are doing whatever they can to uphold sexism. Because they're racist and don't want anything that might benefit women of color, because of crab mentality (if I can't/couldn't have it, then no one can), and/or simply because they want to feel superior over other women for their lifestyle choices.
 
@abbayabba I hate that mentality “I didn’t have access to x or get a pass so neither should you”. Don’t we want things better for our children or the other women around us? So odd. And jaded.
 
@ray34iyf I had this exact argument with my grandma a few weeks ago. She was going on and on about how she and my grandfather sacrificed so much and never made a lot of money (but they bought a house in 1959 and a lake cottage in the seventies on the little money they did have), and finally I just said “well why don’t you want it to be better for me? Why don’t you want me to have things you didn’t have? Why don’t you want good things for me just because you didn’t have them?”

And you know what she said? “That’s a horrible thing to say.”

And I said, “you’re right, it is - is that how you feel?”

“Of course not!”

Oh. Okay. Of course not.
 
@ray34iyf I’m in WA and missed getting in on the new
paid leave program by 2 months with my youngest. But I’m thrilled that the moms that came after me will have it. How so many people want others to suffer through what they had to is just beyond me, but I see it all the time. Older moms talking about how they went back to work after two weeks or something so everyone else should stop complaining. I do not understand it at all.
 
@ray34iyf I wish my right leaning family would have their eyes finally open to the struggle. It was more like my mom seemed jealous and mad that I took as much time as I did while acting like a martyr for her miserable US maternity leave in the 1980s. I’m like just bc you survived doesn’t mean things should not change for the better for future parents and children. We (all of society) would benefit
 
@ray34iyf Motherhood in the U.S. is still portrayed by society as a blessing, a must for the greater good, an exhalation - a full realization of womanhood - until the woman expects support in the undertaking. Suddenly, it was her choice and nobody else should have to be burdened with her choice.

Funny how it works with in-laws and parents who have been out of the game for a long time. Many of them had support systems (my husband and I recall being shipped off to grandparents or cousins’ houses for free babysitting and overnight visits regularly). The same parents who relied upon their village heavily are now unwilling to assist. I’m sure more than one of us has heard, “I’m so glad I’m done with all that!” coming from an elder…
 
@abbayabba I mean, they also won't past policies to allow for 1 income families. I've accepted that all politicians just want us to work and only the rich get privileges like families.
 
@abbayabba White women voted for Trump over Hillary 47% to 45.

They either have some internalized misogyny or Hillary still had way too much establishment baggage to fight the rising wave of populist ideology that had taken hold.
 
@ray34iyf The good news is many states will soon start to offer paid family leave. California and Washington already have pretty good benefits. Soon, Oregon and Colorado will be starting to pay PFML benefits. Hawaii, MA, NJ offer some benefits. If you live in the south, you’re screwed, but at least it’s progress.

Edit: just checked, DC, CT, Rhode Island, and NY all have some type of paid leave benefits. CA and WA are the most robust though.
 
@briand1018 Mom who moved to the south here. The weather is great but the politics/benefits/pay SUCK! I work remotely and am an independent contractor and my husband actually has a good paying weekend shift job (good paying because it is a weekend shift which admittedly sucks). If we didn’t have the jobs we have and wanted more kids I would be hardcore pushing to move north again.
 
@pamray62 Ugh that’s rough! In Texas, a bill was filed to instate paid family medical leave partial income replacement for 12 weeks. I have very little faith that it will pass, and if it does, probably wouldn’t go into effect until like 2025, but hey, it’s a start!
 
@briand1018 What’s crazy about the CA paid leave is that state employers (like the UCs and CSUs) are exempt! UC’s didn’t offer 70% paid leave for 8 weeks until July 2021. This was bumped to full pay for 8 weeks in January 2023. Isn’t the bizzare? UCs… known for being super liberal and progressive provided 0 paid leave for employees until less than 2 years ago.
 
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