I’m 19 and my mom won’t let me stay the night with my boyfriend

[bestofdays]

I still think it’s a little silly for rules like this while I’m in my second year of college. My dad actually agrees with me. What do you think? Should I stand up for myself or is she being reasonable?

 

[julia13]

@bestofdays If you think it is silly, stand up for youself by getting a job or a student loan, an apartment and live by your own rules. Boom! Problem solved.

If you don't want to put in the hard work of a job while studying...or being screwed over by student loans later in life; follow the rules of the homeowners where you live. Boom! Problem solved.

 

[bestofdays]

@julia13 Believe me I would have moved out by now if I wasn’t going to university next year

 

[julia13]

@bestofdays What does that change? Who cares why you are still at home.

There is a rule. You don't like it.

You can either chose to accept it or change your situation so that it doesn't affect you. These are the mature options.

What else are you going to do? Whine and bitch about it like a petulant child? Rage against your mom for the unjustness of it all? Guess why we all move out of our parents houses???.... its because we don't like their rules, curfews, chores, politics...and we get on with our own lives somewhere where we have to pay rent which sucks.

So what sucks less? This rule? Or paying rent?

 

[simplyforgiven]

@bestofdays Depends. If you live in your parents' home you should abide by their rules. If not, then why would you even ask.

I do understand. I lived with my parents during college and it sucked to have a curfew! But I had to suck it up since I couldn't afford a place of my own.

 

[kevin31]

@bestofdays I know how you feel. I was 20and still being “made” to come home From my boyfriends.
But you know what? I came home as much as I hated it and thought it sucked.
Because I respected my parents wishes ...and yeah it was my mom with the issue.
Then I moved into my own spot at 22. And they had no say.
That’s pretty much what you’ll have to do.

 

[petrbone197]

@bestofdays Approach your parents and offer a Lease or Roommate Agreement. If you need to pay rent to have autonomy, do so. If you need to sign a roommate agreement, negotiate something that you're willing to live with. Both are good options...

Good Luck!

 

[katrina2017]

@bestofdays If you live with your parents you do need to abide by their rules, however, I feel like what you do outside of the house (with the exception of illegal activities) is your business. My 19 year old lives with me and she has to help with cleaning and she pays me some money every now and then for her cell phone bill and what not but whatever she does when she’s not home is her choice. Your mom sounds controlling and I would try and move out ASAP. The more you pull away the worse she’ll get. You’re 19 you should be able to act like it.

 

[mich01]

@bestofdays I think using the phrase "my back hurts from sex in the backseat but at least he's not sleeping over" might be effective but I've got a tendency to be a bit of a dick online so maybe don't listen to me if you don't like arguments.

 

[angerryf]

@bestofdays You’re an adult. You can do whatever you want. I moved in with my boyfriend (now husband of 22 yrs) when I was 19, and my dad was furious. Still did it.

 

[findinggrace%E2%99%A1]

@bestofdays you are an adult and should be allowed some happiness in life. your mom is using her position to control you as if she owns you. i’m sorry. i couldn’t do that to my daughters. as long as my girls are honest i let them and we take precautions afterwards.

 

[kludge]

@bestofdays I'm a parent to an 18 year old and while I understand this kind of thing is completely normal at this age it is still very difficult to accept as a mother. In her eyes you're still her baby that she must protect at all costs and as hard as it may be and as unreasonable as it may seem it's coming from a place of love. She just wants to hold on to you as long as she can before you become completely independent and this age is so difficult because you know they're capable of making their own choices you just hope and pray that you've taught them well enough to make good ones. You need to be open and honest, communication is the key once she sees that you are being mature and considerate of her feelings I'm sure she'll come around. It's just so hard to no longer have your kid that relies on you for everything and have this young adult that you want to continue to help and advise when you ultimately know you don't really have any say in the matter anymore. I hope you resolve this, just don't be too hard on your mum she's struggling with this more that you realise I know I am!

 

[kludge]

My advice would be to suggest some quality time together, go shopping, have a coffee or a bite to eat. Things are less likely to get heated in public. And use this as an opportunity to have a proper conversation. Ask her what her concerns are and let her know you value her opinions and advice put her mind at rest that your becoming a responsible adult and make this a regular thing. It's how me and my mum changed from a parent child relationship to having a relationship built on mutual respect. I know I can talk to her about anything and am working very hard to have the same kind of relationship with my son. Good luck x

 

[dafenstein]

@bestofdays Her only gripe was that her mom won’t let her stay overnight with her boyfriend. Not enough info to say her mom is controlling. Maybe it’s her way of making sure Saltyasss doesn’t get too comfortable and stay living at home til she’s 30. If you live with someone and depend on them for most things, respect their conditions or provide your own place to live and do what you want.

 

[bestofdays]

@dafenstein I’m actually about to move in with him in a couple months and I think she’s very slowly allowing it to happen now