Husband is furious with me

[ragnar98]

I’m on my period.

I’m in severe pain.

I stayed up all night breastfeeding my 15 month old who has a fever and is teething. He was in complete distress and wouldn’t sleep, whilst my husband was fast asleep the whole night, didn’t flinch at all.

So today, my husband slept in until 9.30am, with my son, whilst I did laundry, made breakfast, vacuumed, mopped the floors, took our dog for a walk etc.

My husband comes downstairs and suggests we take our son to the clinic.

So I suggested, why doesn’t he take our son to the clinic, whilst I make lunch and catch a break for half an hour...

My husband flew off the handle.

“it’s my time off from work”
“i never get a break”
“i’m working my ass off everyday, what do you do?!”

BITCH.

I just stayed cool as a cucumber, directed him to where all of our sons medical things are (because even though our son is over one year old and has been to the clinic numerous times, my husband has NEVER had to take him by himself and has NO idea what is what and where to find x y z).

I passed him the bag and said adios.

Gonna do fuck all until they come back home.

 

[slmill1987]

@ragnar98 Good for you! So if taking child to the doctor on his day off is too much work, he must obviously realize that means all you do it work. Right?!

 

[ragnar98]

@slmill1987 Nope! Like, usually I literally do everything. I’m the one that has to remember we ran out of milk, so have to go grocery shopping. I have to decide what we eat for breakfast lunch and dinner everyday. I have to decide what diapers are best for my son, what wipes are cheapest, what clothes my son wears, what clinic to take our son to.

I do both the manual labour and the emotional / mental labour day in and day out all day everyday.

He goes to work at 9am, comes home at 5pm, but also commuted 1 hour each way, plus he gets a one hour break...must be nice

 

[marie1960]

@ragnar98 This is my favorite comment here: I started texting my husband every time I completed a task. His phone got blown up. He stopped fussing.

 

[melissatranter89]

@marie1960 This is smart. Very smart.

 

[marie1960]

@melissatranter89 Right? I can’t take credit. Somebody said it below. She’s apparently a mad genius among us. lol

 

[lionofthesun]

@marie1960 That’s a spectacular idea! My husband and I both work full time, but he always has a day off during the week. He always feels like he needs to announce that he vacuumed or folded a basket of laundry. Drives me nuts. I should start giving him a breakdown of all the things I do even on the days I work.

 

[johnjarrell]

@lionofthesun Is his love language words of affirmation? Mine is, as well as my husband's, and we both do this. We don't do it to keep score. We connect by discussing that part of our day, verbally express that we've done something to make the other's life better, and create the opportunity to receive love by being thanked. I can see how this would grate on someone with a different love language.

 

[ireneh]

@ragnar98 Yep. The emotional/mental labour thing really fucking sucks and NO ONE seems to get it except the people on here. I've explained it several times to my fella. And he understands it but nothing changes. We both work. And my job is fairly demanding (I can get calls in the middle of the night, have to work super early some days and super late other days). I also do more hours than him in general because I work 9-6 and he does 9-5. So he spends an hour playing games or doing whatever between 5 and 6. Whereas I get to go straight from work to Mom/housewife mode. I have to think of everything. It's somehow become my job to be the house manager and I didn't fucking ask for it to be. This means all groceries and household sundries, all bills except the broadband (that's the one bill that comes out of his account directly), buying all our kids clothes, sorting all the kids presents for birthdays and Christmas, knowing every appointment for our autistic daughter AND going to all of them. I'm also the one who has to take off work every time our kid is sick. He transfers money into my account each month and I have to handle all our bills with it. He thinks all this is fair. I'd love to be able to hand over a set amount of money and then keep the rest for myself! He vacuums more than me. He makes dinners for us, we share that chore fairly equally. That's it. That's all he has on me.

 

[missionaryadvocate]

@ireneh Bank emailed with a couple questions regarding our refi. I answered as best I could and added hubs to the reply since the questions were regarding him and he would have more accurate information.

He called me to tell me that he emailed me the information and that he had a busy day and could I deal with it.

I asked him why he didn't just email them the answers directly, especially since he had time to send them to me (but only me) and then call me to inform me that he had sent them to me.

I could feel the lightbulb going off for him. He acknowledged that I was right and has since taken the time to email them directly.

 

[erogrers01]

@ragnar98 Hahaha I love when they say “what do YOU do all day!?”

Fuck around and find out.

 

[billysurya91]

@erogrers01 I started texting my husband every time I completed a task. His phone got blown up. He stopped fussing.

 

[nyokabi]

@billysurya91 I like that! That’s a great idea. Maybe we should all give our husbands a little taste of this.

 

[nt333]

@billysurya91 I love this haha. I just completely stopped doing everything except caring for the baby. No cleaning, no laundry, no cooking. Just cared for the baby and watched movies while she napped/was in bed. It got my point across haha

 

[marie1960]

@nt333 I did that. Ended up moving out of an absolute shithole. Started my new life as a single mom in chaos. 0/10 recommend.

 

[billysurya91]

@nt333 I threatened that so many times but it caused me GREAT anxiety the second any mess was made. You are a stronger woman than I.

 

[nt333]

@billysurya91 Oh trust me, my stress was soooo bad. But it was worth it to go through that for a couple of days. My point was made, now my husband helps more with cleaning up after himself.

 

[codygm]

@billysurya91 Right, I want to do this so bad but my PPA is like "you will lose it, you know you will lose it."

 

[christbearer77]

@nt333 I did this when the pandemic hit. All I could do was care for the baby and my 5 yo and work full time from home. I was tapped out. Dear hubby locked himself in the home office and refused to help claiming he "had meetings and work." I have meetings and work too! So I stopped cooking for him, no cleaning, no laundry, no trash, no groceries and he quickly made up the difference. But he still doesn't take any of the mental load, like he relies on me to make the grocery list, pay bills, do taxes, make sure the 5 yo does his online schooling, make kids' appointments, etc. But I'll take what I can get which is a vast improvement from nothing.

 

[vijayaraju]

@billysurya91 I've done that before too! He looked around the house like nothing had been done so the next day I messaged every little thing i was doing. Maybe i exaggerated a little but it got the message across! I've also taken the stop doing anything approach but it's harder to get everything back in order once the message is done being sent lol.