How would you respond to this?

[ajewelinhiscrown]

We live one block away from my 1st grader’s school. Sometimes we are late to school, as in like 30+/- minutes late.

This is due to these combined factors: my 5 y/o doesn’t go to bed early, doesn’t get up early, doesn’t move quickly in the morning to get through the routine and get out the door, we also have a 3 y/o who has a separate and slightly later drop off and an 11M old so we never sleep through the night and we’re frequently scrambling even though we strive to have everything organized. My 5 y/o doesn’t really help get herself and one of us out the door in the morning (i.e. instead of standing by the door while I throw on my coat she’s getting distracted by something else like unzipping her jacket which I’ve just zipped up). It just takes forever.

So we finally got an email from my daughter’s teachers on Monday and I don’t know how to respond. (So far this week we’ve really tried and gotten to school on time on Tuesday and just slightly late, as opposed to really late, today, Wednesday.

What would you respond to this email from the teachers?

We noticed that [name] has been late several times since the start of the school year. We were wondering if there was any support we could provide to ensure [name] gets her school days started with the rest of her classmates. Please let us know. We would be happy to help!

 

[ladel]

@ajewelinhiscrown Honestly, y’all need to do what it takes to get her to school on time. I think the school is using a really nice way of communicating that her tardiness is becoming an issue. I would honestly respond by apologizing and committing to do whatever is necessary to get her to school.

Can you start incorporating more ways for her to help get herself ready? Could you practice on weekends with lots of one-on-one encouragement so that she can practice the skills necessary to help get herself dressed? Can you set the alarm 30 minutes earlier (even if it sucks, I hate sleep deprivation) and do things without her/before she gets up to help speed the morning along? (E.g., wake up first so you can get breakfast laid out, make sure lunch is packed, whatever else might be helpful to speed up her part of the routine).

Many other parents are likely in similar situations. There are ways to make this work, you just need to keep brainstorming and trying different things until you find a routine that consistently gets you there on time.

 

[sweetspirit01]

@ladel Agreed. I have 4 kids: 1st grader, kindergartner, preschooler, and a 10 month old. It’s hard to get out the door on time, but it can be done. Pick out clothes the night before, wake up before the kids to make breakfast and lunches, line up shoes, backpacks and coats by the door. We’ve only ever been late once. I might be in a hoodie and sweatpants rocking a messy bun, but my kids are always on time.

 

[fostera]

@sweetspirit01 I know it’s not what OP wants to hear, but I have zero sympathy. Being late is really rude in my opinion. I have four kids, 11 8 2 and 5 months. My kids have never missed the bus or been late to school.

Everything is prepped at night. Morning consists of getting dressed, eating a simple breakfast, brushing teeth, and grabbing lunch and backpack. Also did I mention the bus comes at 645am?

 

[swill]

@sweetspirit01 Three kids here (2nd grader, preschooler, and under 1) and same. I prep as much as humanly possible the night before! Getting to school late is a distraction for the late student, other students and teacher.

 

[osky]

@sweetspirit01 I have three kids five, almost three and 10 months. We have a rule that there is zero playing until everyone is 100% ready to walk out the door. They aren't allowed to get out any toys until they've eaten breakfast, packed their bags, dressed (including socks), brushed teeth and washed their faces. I give my five year old time frames like "if you finish brushing your teeth and get your socks on in the next five minutes, you will have an hour to play before we go. If you lie in the ground telling me you don't want to for the next 20 minutes, you won't have as much time to play." It does help that they are early risers so there is usually enough time to get everything done, but not allowing them to play before they are ready motivates them to move faster.

 

[rickyrajesh]

@osky How do you "not let them"? Honest question. I only have one kid, but if I turn around to get the breakfast out if the cupboard, he disappears with his trains behind the sofa!

(Mine isn't allowed breakfast until he's dressed and has brushed teeth, though - it's rare that we're late, because if he won't put his shoes and coat on, he's carried outside without them.)

Edit: this post and its replies have made me realise that I need to set my alarm twenty minutes earlier - I used to assume that my kid would be up before I was, but since dawn has been coming later, I'm usually the first one awake - and past seven. It's a rush, and it doesn't have to be.)

 

[osky]

@rickyrajesh My five year old is pretty reasonable and knows the rules. With my two year old it's lots of interception and redirection. If he goes to get toys out I'll start by saying "you need to brush your teeth first" and if that doesn't work, I'll take him to brush his teeth. He's quite independent by nature and likes to do things himself, so that helps. It's not a perfect system, sometimes I turn around and there are heaps of toys out, but I just redirect them back to getting ready. It helps to take them by the hand or carry them back to the task at hand when this happens. The same rules don't apply to my 10 month old yet, obviously.

 

[talisra]

@ladel Totally agree. This is definitely on the parents and needs to be fixed . If both parents are home in the morning too there’s even less excuse. Each parent can get a big kid ready . Baby is basically along for the ride at that point and is easy.

 

[jsreeder]

@ajewelinhiscrown Hi! Former teacher, now SAHP here. I've sent many emails like this myself. If I were this teacher sending this email, I would want to hear the explanation you provided in this post. Perhaps the teacher could support you by helping your 5yo practice skills at school that could make your morning go more smoothly. If you never let the school know, they'll never be able to help!

 

[marshallbryant]

@jsreeder Another former teacher! Since you live so close to the school, is there any type of walking or carpooling group you could try? Not only would it take a little off your plate by not having to physically take her each day, but some kids respond really well to "You need to be ready because your friends will be here soon to get you."

 

[whitney11]

@marshallbryant The only issue I find with that, is that she has to be on time to commit to carpooling. If they’re often getting to school 30+ minutes late, then they’re not gonna be ready in time for when their carpooling. So they’re not just gonna have teachers waiting for them, but will now have their pickup or ride waiting on them too.

 

[marshallbryant]

@whitney11 I get what you're saying. For transparency's sake, I've seen this work probably because of the peer pressure from both the kids and adults. The kids don't want their friends to be annoyed and the parents don't want to be "that parent". The groups I'm thinking of would also 100% leave if someone had to wait for more than a few minutes.

ETA and of course there are other reasons this can help, like having one less drop off to do if the kids are going to different schools or going in at different times

 

[rickyrajesh]

@whitney11 If 5yo is wearing a coat, they aren't going in the car. (Coats don't combine safely with carseats.) If other families walk past their house (or can easily detour past their house), opening the front door and saying, "quick, let's get shoes on and walk with so-and-so!" would probably work well!

 

[whitney11]

@rickyrajesh People wear coats in the car all the time though

 

[edwina87]

@whitney11 I think y’all may be talking past each other… one of you is thinking big puffy winter jackets and the other may be thinking rain coats.

 

[whitney11]

@edwina87 Im talking proper winter coats. Not everyone will bother taking them completely off in the car. Especially if it’s a quick drive. If it was a decent drive then I’d understand. But especially with young kids, if you’re only driving a few miles down the road, taking jackets on and off would take more time than the action drive itself

 

[larry3]

@ajewelinhiscrown First I would talk to the school and see what a tardy translates into. In my district 5 tardies translates to 1 unexcused absence, after 10 unexcused absences you can be reported for truancy to the county. So being tardy that often can have serious consequences

Also coming in late every day disrupts the other kids in class. The teacher has to stop what they are all doing to get your child settled. At 5 it probably isn’t something she is going on her own, quietly, without disruption.

So with all of that said. What I do is I get myself up an hour before my kids need to be up, some days that is on 2 hours of sleep and some days it is on 8 hours of sleep.

I also have three kids so understand the morning craziness! But getting myself up and fully ready so all I have to do is focus on my kids in the morning makes things easier. I also make sure all lunches are made during that hour, plus it gives me time to drink some coffee in peace.

Now as for the response, first apologize: say you know this is an issue and you try every day to work on it. Ask them for some tips that might have worked for other parents. But honestly you need to apologize and own this and then make sure it doesn’t happen so often again.

My son had a kid that was always late in class a couple of years ago and I was a regular volunteer at the time, and it really does disrupt and put the entire class behind when someone comes in late, especially on a regular basis.

 

[omario1976]

@ajewelinhiscrown I used to teach, 30 min late is quite late esp on a regular basis. Would usually count as an unexcused absence and those can stack up to be truant with the county

 

[jboucher]

@ajewelinhiscrown "...my 5 yo doesn't really help get herself or one of us out the door..."

I'm sorry, but kids this age, even older don't have this capacity. It's up to you to do whatever it takes to get them to school on time. I know being 5, the whole school routine is new & that takes time to work out. Getting up early leaves room in the time budget for those little instances where 5 is getting distracted & dragging their feet.

However you go about this, whether you're able to correct this problem quickly or not, will begin setting the tone for the rest of their elementary school years. It's extremely disruptive to the class to have your student be late constantly.

I was once this type of parent, with the excessive lateness. I just had to suck it up no matter how tired I was & get everybody in gear. If you can't even get going in the morning, which is the example to your 5yo, how can you possibly expect your child to do what you can't?