I have a 5 year old, 4 year old and a 1 year old. They all have the same father and my oldest is the only one that actually knows who he is or wants to see him. He was gone for a year and briefly came back for maybe a month during court to get custody and out of child support and after they gave me full custody and finalized the divorce he disappeared and he hasn't seen them for about 6 months.
But that month. That month of being in her life she thinks so highly of him. She used to talk about abuse and sexual allegations and after the 3 visits in that month that she had with him it turned 180 and she said he didn't touch her sexual and he never hurt her and he loves her. Things that were absurd because he never showed them love or affection. He never took them to the park, doesn't know the name of their doctor or their allergies or birthdays. I just can't imagine a 5 year old in denial. I don't blatantly say he doesn't love her or doesn't want to see her. But today I did because she told me to die because she wanted him not me and what bothers me is that she loves him more then me. And I'm not jealous, I'm hurt. I took care of them by myself for 5 years now. I did it all. I worked 2 jobs, I was a full time mother I went to college and I saved up every dime of my money to buy a house and move away from their father and I did. I worked so hard for them to have their own rooms and have toys and he sat there in bed all day on his phone. He slept through every night they cried. He never came with me to play with them or be in their life. Never got them a gift for any holiday. And then he sees them 3 times and it all changes. How? Why? Why is she so adamant that he loves her?
What im getting at is I don't want her to believe that loving someone is being there a few times and leaving. Loving them is treating them the way he does. I don't want her to think it's okay to love someone and then never see them. I don't want her to keep hoping he's coming back and him not showing up. It breaks my heart. But I am also trying to help her draw her own conclusions. But today I blew up when she told me to die. She told me he was better then me. My mom isn't afraid to tell her the truth but I don't feel right speaking ill of their father I feel like it's wrong and I don't do that. But after today, it just hurts my feelings to hear these things from her. How should I go about this. I don't want to do this again. I don't want to speak badly of him but I also don't want them to think that he's the greatest thing on earth because he picked them up a few times and then left them again. I don't like that. I don't want her constantly hoping he will come back for her. It just hurts. What's the right thing to do? He is a narcissist and they aren't at an age where it fulfills him to see them and I do know that one day when they r older I'm sure he will show up so he can manipulate and hurt them and turn them agaisnt me and I would like to prepare them for that as well. Any advice for that?
But that month. That month of being in her life she thinks so highly of him. She used to talk about abuse and sexual allegations and after the 3 visits in that month that she had with him it turned 180 and she said he didn't touch her sexual and he never hurt her and he loves her. Things that were absurd because he never showed them love or affection. He never took them to the park, doesn't know the name of their doctor or their allergies or birthdays. I just can't imagine a 5 year old in denial. I don't blatantly say he doesn't love her or doesn't want to see her. But today I did because she told me to die because she wanted him not me and what bothers me is that she loves him more then me. And I'm not jealous, I'm hurt. I took care of them by myself for 5 years now. I did it all. I worked 2 jobs, I was a full time mother I went to college and I saved up every dime of my money to buy a house and move away from their father and I did. I worked so hard for them to have their own rooms and have toys and he sat there in bed all day on his phone. He slept through every night they cried. He never came with me to play with them or be in their life. Never got them a gift for any holiday. And then he sees them 3 times and it all changes. How? Why? Why is she so adamant that he loves her?
What im getting at is I don't want her to believe that loving someone is being there a few times and leaving. Loving them is treating them the way he does. I don't want her to think it's okay to love someone and then never see them. I don't want her to keep hoping he's coming back and him not showing up. It breaks my heart. But I am also trying to help her draw her own conclusions. But today I blew up when she told me to die. She told me he was better then me. My mom isn't afraid to tell her the truth but I don't feel right speaking ill of their father I feel like it's wrong and I don't do that. But after today, it just hurts my feelings to hear these things from her. How should I go about this. I don't want to do this again. I don't want to speak badly of him but I also don't want them to think that he's the greatest thing on earth because he picked them up a few times and then left them again. I don't like that. I don't want her constantly hoping he will come back for her. It just hurts. What's the right thing to do? He is a narcissist and they aren't at an age where it fulfills him to see them and I do know that one day when they r older I'm sure he will show up so he can manipulate and hurt them and turn them agaisnt me and I would like to prepare them for that as well. Any advice for that?