How to stop a 10YO kid from reading my messages?

[acts1038]

I (16f) have a cousin (soon 10 but f) and I love her like she is my sister, and we are pretty close.
She always took my phone without asking to play, watch on Tiktok, etc. And I never cared about it.
Some time ago, she started reading my messages. Nothing much. Conversations with mom, dad and so on.
But soon after, she started checking WhatsApp and similar apps where, although I don’t talk with a lot of people I talk with my close friends and sometimes I tell them stuff that a 10 years old kid shouldn’t know, at least. For example self esteem stuff, when I’m angry at an irrelevant thing, well you get it.
This is going on for at least a year but lately I started having which I feel like are worse mental problems I’d like to vent about (I’m not so close with my parents), and, overall I’m tired of having to hide conversations, etc.
I tried telling her to stop, she does it, but the next time we meet we go back to square 0.
Any advice?

 

[aurtwd]

@acts1038 Can you put a password on your phone?

You are allowed to set boundaries for your privacy and remove privileges from your cousin if she refuses to respect them.

You could try the Signal app which I think let's you have an additional password.

 

[acts1038]

@aurtwd Not a bad idea honestly, thanks!

 

[lalynx]

@acts1038 I was thinking the same, but don't let her watch you type it. If not just be careful that you don't change your password too many times and not be able to remember (speaking from experience lol). ❤

 

[waterwerx]

@lalynx Or do fingerprint so it's easier

 

[lalynx]

@waterwerx as long as OP doesn't have eczema, fingerprint should work great.

 

[acts1038]

@lalynx My uncle and aunt had fingerprints, but only worked with my uncle the fact of unlocking the phone while he was asleep because my aunt is a light sleeper and him not, me neither, so yeah, gotta go with the password. Or simply putting my phone under my pillow when we share beds LOL. If you touch it there's a 99% chance of me waking up.

 

[acts1038]

@waterwerx My uncle had it and she used to unlock the phone when he was asleep by taking his finger to unlock

 

[acts1038]

@lalynx This is the bad part, I always forget them, which makes me not have one and this is kind of a bad thing.

Virtual hugs from here

 

[lalynx]

@acts1038 aww virtual hug!! pick something easy you won't forget like a birthday or birth time, address, etc

 

[lamb7]

@aurtwd

Can you put a password on your phone

Should be doing that regardless.

 

[acts1038]

@lamb7 I always forget them, my fault for putting complicated ones because the easy ones for me are too easy for people that know me, but should note them in a place no one knows or something idk.

 

[lamb7]

@acts1038 Fingerprint is the best way unless you work with a lot of paint or cardboard.

 

[acts1038]

@lamb7 My uncle had one and she unlocked it with his finger while he was sleeping

 

[lamb7]

@acts1038 Ah.

 

[nwc]

@acts1038 Make it something like your birthday backward

 

[marshmelly]

@acts1038 Simple: If she's reading your messages, she can't use your phone. Set a password/pin. You should also be able to activate some kind of child control so she can only play on one app.

TBH, I as a parent would not be thrilled to have my 10 yo with unsupervised access to TikTok anyways. There is plenty of stuff that is not for young kids. From overly sexual stuff to violence, so to just let her have your phone is not optimal either way.

 

[acts1038]

@marshmelly Tbh I'm not the most found of it, either. Add to that I love to watch things about criminals etc, and they keep appearing. Luckily she doesn't watch them, she scrolls fastly when she notices about what it is lol. At least in my presence.But I never thought of it, honestly. My 5 years old brother plays on my phone too, so not a bad idea but he hates tik tok at least

 

[casterberry]

@acts1038 Put a (or change the) password on your phone then have a discussion about boundaries and trust, and how she has broken your trust and crossed your boundaries by snooping through your private messages. Don't let her feeling sad/upset about losing access to your phone sway you into "giving her a second chance" immediately or she will just do it again. She must regain your trust first.

If you have an Android phone (don't know about iphone) you may also be able to "pin" an app so that if you let her use your phone for TikTok or something she can't switch to another app without you unlocking it first.

 

[acts1038]

@casterberry We have it on IOS too (yeah I have IOS). It could be that she told me that she always wanted an Iphone (she has a Samsung) and that's why she uses mine mostly when we meet? But no idea, honestly.