I live close to an hour away from where my hospital is and I have a 4 year old at home. I try to go to the hospital everyday but am only able to be there around 2-3 hours at a time. I’m usually able to feed my baby and pump and then just hold and cuddle him for around an hour and half. This past week I could only mentally handle being up there 4 days. And I’m just curious if I need to figure out a way to be up there longer I.e find different child care ( my children’s grandparents watch my 4 year old for free for me as I’m on mat leave unpaid but can only watch him for so long and only after a certain time) I’ve read a few posts recently about parents being there for way longer and I now feel inadequate and not present enough and honestly a little insecure.
kiwiatheist
New member
@ninkies I lived 7 minutes away from the hospital where my daughter was when she was born. I went there twice a day for 1-2 hours at a time (on the longer end when we could hold her, as we couldn’t for the first 6 weeks). When I wasn’t at the hospital, I was working (saved my leave for when she came home), enjoying my hobbies and hanging out with my husband and friends. Though I was hanging with my husband at the hospital too. 
She was getting the care she needed and I needed to take care of myself. I already felt guilty and awful enough about how I wasn’t able to keep her in and keep her safe, I didn’t need to martyr myself by sitting vigil at her bedside and not allow myself any fun or self care.
Spend the time you can manage. Your baby won’t remember this time. You will. And what they need more than a parent present at bedside every second is a parent who is healthy and happy and whole and ready to be fully present when they come home. And in my experience, you can’t do that if you let yourself wallow and don’t give yourself moments of fun and levity.
She was getting the care she needed and I needed to take care of myself. I already felt guilty and awful enough about how I wasn’t able to keep her in and keep her safe, I didn’t need to martyr myself by sitting vigil at her bedside and not allow myself any fun or self care.
Spend the time you can manage. Your baby won’t remember this time. You will. And what they need more than a parent present at bedside every second is a parent who is healthy and happy and whole and ready to be fully present when they come home. And in my experience, you can’t do that if you let yourself wallow and don’t give yourself moments of fun and levity.