How do you make sure you don't sleep through your newborn crying?

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tinydreamerz

New member
My husband is going back to work on Tuesday and I'm (ftm) worried that I'll sleep through my baby (3wks) crying/feeding times.

Since birth, my husband has been doing "night shifts" as he's a night owl and I've been doing "day shifts" since I'm an morning person and he also wanted me to be able to have time to heal.

Now, because I'm not "seasoned" in the late nights, I'm worried I'll sleep through my baby crying, or not sleeping a wink because there's nobody actively awake to make sure she's okay when she sleeps (gotta love postpartum anxiety 🫠).

How do you make sure that you wake up at appropriate feeding times? I'm worried that because I'm already hurting in the sleep department (I usually am awake from 4am to 10pm-12am) I'll sleep through any alarms or her crying.

On the flipside, how do you comfortably go to sleep when there's nobody actively watching them? She'll be sleeping in a bassinet next to my bed in her nursery so I'll be close and we practice safe sleeping (n o t h i n g in the bassinet with her).

I feel so torn because I'm obviously anxious one way or another.
 
@tinydreamerz Do you sleep in the same room with baby? If you do, I don’t think you can sleep through that if you don’t have a condition that is causing you way too deep sleep. And it’s kinda instinct. The hard part is to not wake up to any little sound they make.
 
@tinydreamerz Do you normally sleep through alarms and loud sounds? If so, they make baby monitors/alarms for deaf people that vibrate. However, I would just do a trial night shift with your husband there this weekend where you are "in charge", but he is also paying attention too in case you sleep through crying or alarms. My husband is a heavier sleeper than me and I just shake him awake when it's his shift hah. I also set alarms as back up since I am still supposed to wake her every 5 hrs and I'm paranoid I'll miss her fussing
 
@l2e I'm honestly pretty good at waking up with alarms, but I'm worried with how tired I am now with baby, I'll sleep like a rock.

The first three nights (one in hospital, two at home), I was in bed with my husband, baby in bassinet beside me. When I would fall asleep, I'd wake up immediately to her cries, but due to anxiety of SIDS, I slept literally an hour each night (I didn't sleep at all at the hospital due to pain from an episiotomy mixed with the plank of metal of a hospital bed I was in), and that's when my husband decided to take over nights so I can heal and sleep without worry. Now, my husband says that I "fuss" in my sleep (toss, turn, eyes flutter) when she cries, but I never actually "wake up" to it. He thinks it's my subconscious telling me, "he's got it, don't worry" and that when I go to sleep knowing he's not gonna be there, I'll wake up no issues.

I'd love to suggest him "supervising" a night shift, but he's got to get his sleep schedule back in order for work so I don't want to muff that up more than it already is.
 
@tinydreamerz Just sleep where you can both hear her for a night or two as a test run (ie she's in the bassinet next to both of you, but only you get up). That way if he wakes and you don't, he can then wake you up. My husband needed an adjustment period to not sleep through our baby waking, but by about 3-4 weeks his brain was trained to wake up more reliably to the cries on the monitor. Before this, he could sleep through anything. But if you can both hear her, one of you will wake. And if you're so exhausted that you both sleep through cries (it happens), so long as the sleep setup is safe, it will be okay.

Edit to add that I am sleep deprived and just realized I said the same thing as the commenter above. I am sorry.
 
@tinydreamerz Just want to second your husband’s thoughts here. This happens to me too. If my partner is “on duty” I tend to sleep through the fussing that would otherwise wake me up if it were my turn. I think the brain knows when it can relax more deeply.
 
@tinydreamerz I can sleep through pretty much everything but the second my baby even moves his leg in his sleep, I’m wide awake. Maybe it’s maternal instincts. But I don’t think you’ll sleep through crying. Plus, the crying will get louder if you don’t respond. You’ll wake up at some point. You can also set alarms every couple of hours.

Regarding sleeping without watching your baby, the fear will go away each passing week. You just have to trust that if you put your baby down safely, that they’re safe. And that’s all you can do. There isn’t much that can happen while the baby is sleeping that you can control anyway. And it’s safer for your baby if you are well rested.
 
@tinydreamerz If baby is in the bassinet and there are absolutely no items in it besides baby and a passifier if you use one, it's probably the safest place they will be!
I also sometimes sleep going the opposite way so my head is closest to the bassinet just in case I do sleep heavily.
Also agree to the trial night comment!
 
@tinydreamerz if you're not on a sleep medication or have a disorder I wouldn't worry about sleeping through your baby crying, if you gave birth you are hardwired to wake up

I'll bet most adoptive moms flip a switch too once their body recognizes that this is now their baby
 
@tinydreamerz As someone that turns off her alarms in her sleep without even knowing, and has slept through apartment fire alarms going off…. I have yet to sleep through my baby crying :) the crying gets exponentially louder until I’m awake, but sometimes I just wake up to her little sleep noises now, so I feel very confident you’ll wake up to your LO. I am truly the worlds heaviest sleeper lol

ETA: I did not set my apartment on fire, but my neighbors sure did 😂
 
@tinydreamerz My husband worried about the same thing. He did fine when he had nights, and if he didn’t wake up quickly enough I’d poke him awake. Can your husband continue to sleep near you and the baby for the first few weeks as a failsafe for baby’s cries? Even two weeks of you being on duty makes you basically as “seasoned” as he currently is. Can you set an alarm for every #X hours as another failsafe? You should know after 1-2 nights whether your heavy sleeping is truly a problem.
 
@tinydreamerz I wish I had this problem. I wake up at the slightest hint of my baby turning. In all seriousness though, if baby is in the same room, I don't think you could sleep through that for more than a few minutes, unless you are someone who easily sleeps through loud alarms.
 
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