How do you have time to do anything?

[babszie]

Okay I feel like I’m doing something wrong here…I work full time in an office and I have a 16 month old. I get off at 5:00 and by the time I pick him up from my in-laws’ house (they are our child care) and get back home, it’s 5:45. That leaves time to do dinner (I usually don’t even cook or if I do, it’s something simple that doesn’t take a lot of time), and then spend a little time with him before bedtime. He usually goes to bed between 7-8. After that, I try to clean up from dinner and take care of any chores but I get so tired super quickly (I work a pretty intense demanding job) so I honestly just end up watching tv until I fall asleep.

I really want to get back into exercising but the only way I can think that I would fit this into the schedule is to join a gym and go at night after he is in bed (husband would stay home with him in case he wakes up). He wakes up usually around 6:00 so l feel like there’s not a lot of time in the morning for me to exercise before work (I have to leave for work by 8:15).

Am I making this too complicated? Is it normal to feel so exhausted and overwhelmed at all times and like I never have the time or energy to do things? Or am I just mismanaging my time/schedule?

 

[deacondrew]

@babszie I don’t see much mention of your spouse in the description of dinner + chores.

ETA - I like doing dinner at the park or beach this time of year. I’ll pack a picnic and we go straight there after work. Then just come home for bedtime.

It’s great to be out with nature and really breaks up the monotony of up/ work / home / dinner / bed.

Also the less time spent in the house, the fewer chores for the most part.

 

[reborn777]

@deacondrew I love the picnic idea! Gonna try this thanks

 

[stevealton]

@reborn777 I used to pack us up to the pool after work, picnic in the car on the way, shower and pj’s there-and then bed! Miss those days!

 

[marakorpa]

@deacondrew It's so obvious right, but sometimes it takes someone saying it or you reading it in order for the light bulb to go off! Thank you!!! I'm going to take my daughters for a walk this evening. Hopefully there will be less toys to cleanup tonight.

 

[casper3496]

@deacondrew Love this idea, however I’ll have to wait. It’s currently 106 degrees where I live and my kiddo runs hot!

 

[bob]

@babszie Can you try to build in a nightly stroller walk to start? I try to do that with my almost 2 year old nightly before bedtime for a half hour—we call it the “look for doggies” walk and it helps her sleep better too. I have my 4 and 7 year old bike/scooter if they want to come or they stay home with my husband. I’ve found if I’m going to get consistent movement at this point, it has to involve the kids because I just don’t have time and I think it’s good for kids to see that I’m active and moving my body daily!

 

[bnnewsome013]

@bob I second this. Evening family walk has become a beloved tradition but originally started as "get out of the house, get exercise". My kids are 10 and 14 and we still do it. I have great conversations with them and my husband during those 20 minutes.

 

[mark0086]

@bnnewsome013 Aw I'm in the "get some exercise" phase with young kids. Never thought about what it could turn into over time. That's lovely.

 

[socraticmethod]

@bob I want to do this but it is too damn hot. 101 degrees today.

 

[mark0086]

@bob Have very recently started doing this. It makes me feel better we are all getting some exercise really.

 

[randintellectual]

@babszie The only way to make my day work is to live a very regimented schedule between 5am and 9pm. I wake up at 5am and start working, and my daughter (3) wakes up at 6am. I finish my workday at 230 (4x a week) or 9am. Cooking dinner time is between 4 and 5pm with dinner at 5. 2x a week I can workout between end of my work day and cooking dinner while her dad watches her, and the other 2 days I get from 6pm-715 for me, with 1 day being a family day (he gets the opposite schedule so we each solo parent parts of the evening 4x a week). By 745 bed routine is done and we are both free until bed at 9. We do dinner, showers, and choring between 5 and 6.

I recommend sitting down with your partner and coming up with the blocks you need in your day (work, eat, etc), and then the blocks you want, and sort out your week to see where blocks can fit in and find efficiencies. On busy weeks I meal prep on the weekend

 

[dawney]

@randintellectual Yeah, I work 6:30-3 M-F because I was finding the ability to manage everything almost impossible. Makes life so much easier.

 

[katrina2017]

@babszie Where is your husband while you're doing this evening-routine? He can clean up, while you're doing the bedtime ritual, or the other way around.

At 8 you're both done with all tasks and you can go to the gym, or just relax, or meet a friend, or whatever.

And on the weekend you can exercise, or do other fun stuff while your husband is at home with his child.

 

[samuelking]

@babszie First things first. I see a lot of “I” here and not a lot of “my husband.” Is the division of chores 50/50? If not, that’s the first thing you tackle.

Second, let’s make more time for you! Here are some ideas that have worked for me. My schedule is similar to yours (we drop our daughter off at daycare at 8:30am and pick her up at 5:30pm).

• Meal prep. Chop veggies over the weekend, sautée meat/fish in fridge while at work, use a slow cooker, cook bulk batches of meals and freeze, make double portions of meals and eat the leftovers the next day. If finances allow, consider a meal delivery service or order out 1-2x per week.
• Alter your sleep schedule. Go to bed early so that you can wake up before your son to work out. Or have your husband watch him while you go to the gym in the morning for an hour. Coordinate your schedules so that you both have time to get ready for work and get your son ready for the day.
• Get everything ready the night before. Lay out your gym outfit, work outfit and your son’s outfit for the day. Anything your son needs for the day goes into his backpack the night before. Make as little work as possible for yourself in the morning.
• Start small. 20 minute workouts are better than none. If you still feel a time crunch, buy some weights, a yoga mat or resistance bands to use at home. This cuts out the time needed to get to the gym and back. If finances (and space) allow, maybe invest in a Peloton or a treadmill. If time remains your biggest enemy, the investment in home exercise equipment will be very important.

I much prefer working out in the morning as it kicks off my day on a positive note. I wake up before my daughter and SO, take the dog out and go for a run. Sometimes I sacrifice an hour of sleep for it, but that’s worth it to me. That time in the morning is the only block of time I have to myself for the entire day. That’s enough to motivate me to get out of bed.

Lastly, I will say that it’s pretty normal to feel exhausted and overwhelmed most days! My worst days are the ones where I feel like I’m flying by the seat of my pants all day. My daughter is not much older than your son (20 months), so I totally get it. It’s hard, but it’s 100% possible to fit in exercise with your schedule!

 

[demorah39]

@babszie Yes, I felt like that often when my kids were that young. Being responsible for another human on that level is exhausting in every sense of the words. Physically, emotionally, financially, spiritually, etc. The house felt like it was in a constant state of chaos.

Would it be possible to ask your in-laws to drive him home one or two days a week and explain you just need a little extra time to get stuff done? Or could your husband pick him up a couple nights? My m-i-l watches the kids at her house 1 day a week and she started driving them home this year. It has been so nice and helpful! My job is also very demanding and in previous years when she watched them more and I had to pick them up, it felt very daunting. I felt like I was always rushing. I hope you find something that works for you. Best wishes.

 

[katrina2017]

@demorah39 Or can husband pick up/drop off ?

 

[infomommax]

@demorah39 I SO wish I could trust my parents to drive my kid.

My mom wants us to bring him to their house, my husband works at 6am and I work at 7am. It adds 20 ish minutes to my commute plus waking up the baby and actually physically getting him ready.

Our van doors no longer open and she said “he can stay here until you pick him up”. Very kind, but I work until 730pm IF I can get out on time. And my husband does want to see his son lol.

I think I am salty because my mom was always a SAHM and she actually has no idea how hard it is to do all this.

This is NOT a jab at SAHM, there are different difficulties with that. But in my case I still have to plan meals, bottles, ect. Well my husband and I.

 

[bulletproof3]

@babszie Is your husband able to help with drop off or pick up? My husband does drop off and takes care of the morning routine, so that’s when I exercise.

 

[amarie07]

@babszie Me and my husband alternate with the clean up after bedtime, so the other person can go to the gym.

Like you said, after cleaning up you’re too exhausted to want to workout.

My son is turning 3 soon, and he sleeps 9:30-6:30/7. So now I have to switch to waking up earlier (5am) to workout. There comes a point where you feel so crappy that you become disciplined to get that workout in, because there’s literally not enough time in the day and you simply have to prioritize it. It gets easier the more you workout because you feel better, have even more energy, and feel accomplished. It’s worth it in the end.

You can do it! Get your husband involved!