How do you do it

L

lisa79

New member
Single parents; I have a 5 year old and her dad and I split up in May. I was finishing school so we are still living in the same house. I just started a new job and I need to move my daughter and I to an apartment soon. We live in a HCOL city and although I am making decent money, I’m just so terrified of the cost of living. ON TOP OF THAT, how are you able to still go to the gym and find time for yourself? And what to do with the kids when you do go to the gym? I have a bit of a commute to work and I have no idea how I’d drop her off at school, get to work on time, get back to pick her up, find time for the gym, etc.

Right now her dad takes her to school and I’m going to the gym at 5am. But I can’t do that if there’s no one else in the house because (obviously) I won’t be able to leave her alone to go to the gym so early in the morning.

I’m panicking a little bit. Please tell me how you all do it.
 
@lisa79 I’ll be honest with you. You probably won’t have time to go to the gym or find time to yourself. Instead, embrace what I call the “moments in between.” When you take her to the park, do some lunges and push-ups. On your commute to work, listen to an audiobook you’ve been wanting to read. You have to find the time and squeeze it in.
 
@godislove1993 This makes me think of a newly single mom friend. She and her husband were divorcing and she had three younger-ish kids all under 10. My daughters were about the same age.

Her head came up one day and she blurted, "What do you do if you have a headache and need to lay down? Who watches the kids?"

I shrugged and said, "You take Tylenol and power through. There is no laying down."

She sputtered, "What do you do when you're sick?"

I said, "Again. You take some medication and power through."

She kept asking the same questions and I kept telling her, "You have to get through it."

Same thing, OP. You make due. Find some quick workout routines at home. Go running with your kid. Enact a 15 minute wind down time when you get home from work. And understand that life as you knew it is now different. Not worse. Just different.
 
@naveenjiram Yeah unfortunately I’ve done mostly everything even when I was with her dad. Sick, not sick, didn’t matter so I’m already used to that part. It’s just going to be different in the sense that there won’t be another adult body in the house (and the financial thing). But you’re right, I’ve powered through a lot in my life so this is no different! Thank you for taking the time to respond and give advice
 
@godislove1993 Yeah, it definitely gets frustrating/exhausting to do everything while there’s someone else literally sitting in front of you that’s not only unwilling to help but actually adding to the workload.
 
@lisa79 1) work out from home.
2) redo your budget and live within your means
3) Wake up earlier to accommodate the commute

The truth is that you wont get to keep the lifestyle you have as a dual parent (getting to go to the gym, getting little treats for yourself as often, etc) because you're responsibilities to your child just increased. The same is true for Dad on the days he has them. You're blessed in the way you will still be able to co-parent and thus get "days off" from being a single parent. Not everyone is so blessed. Do your best and your little one will be okay and so will you 💖 You got this.
 
@royalblue27 Thank you so much for this answer. You gave great advice. The problem is that the earliest I can drop her off at school is 7:40, and then I have to commute to work which can take 30 minutes to over an hour, depending on traffic. So I guess I’ll just have to talk to my employer about the situation. I just didn’t want to do that because I just started this job.

I’ve always put my daughter first, but I have also always believed that it’s important to find time to do the things that keep me happy and healthy too, so that I can be the best version of myself for her.

I just wondered how other people do it. I never imagined myself in this situation (I don’t think anyone would) and I’m just feeling a little overwhelmed.
 
@lisa79 See if you can move closer to work and enroll
In school there. I know that’s not ideal for everyone but makes your life 10X easier if that is possible.
 
@chunk24 Yeah, unfortunately the city I work in is like 3x more expensive than where I’m living now so idk about that but in theory it’s a great idea 😂
 
@lisa79 Check your daughter's school some not all have an earlier drop off/ daycare.if not check local daycares and see if they just have a morning drop off and will take her to school which might be cheaper. It's not easy but you have to rearrange your budget and might have to cut the cost somewhere else. As far as the gym, I'm not sure where you're at but in my area most apartments have gyms. And you can bring your daughter with you depending if it's super busy when you go and set her up with your phone/ tablet or have her join in a fun little work out like jumping jacks something like that. It's a great way to make memories fun she will remember.
 
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