How do you deal with your s/o parenting your child?

[monni]

I’ve been dating someone for about 7 months. I’ve finally introduced him to my son about a month ago. Sometimes he tries to help me by stepping in and parenting my 9 year old son. This makes me absolutely furious. I feel like he’s stepping on my toes, and I’ve mentioned several times I’m not looking for him to do that. Am I the arse here?

 

[katrina2017]

@monni He’s known your child for a month and he’s disrespecting you after just 7 months and not listening to your boundaries with your child = hugely problematic behavior.

 

[viprochems]

@katrina2017 Yup!

 

[ilovejesus23]

@monni Show him to the door. The end.

 

[cal79]

@monni Having known your son for a month and overstepping a boundary that you set is not cool at all.

 

[melvinjay]

@monni I don't think you are, especially if you've already told him not to.

 

[david3234]

@monni No, you can have whatever boundaries you want with him and your child. He is being seriously disrespectful if you've told him this and he continues to ignore you.

I would also be uncomfortable as him acting like this after barely meeting him. It could lead to resentment on your son's part when he should be worried about making your son comfortable / forming a bond.

 

[lw97nils]

@monni No way after a month. He's way off base. I have a zero tolerance policy on that type of thing. My kid has two parents for discipline, 4 for love/praise and encouragement.

My GF and my ex's BF don't say anything disciplinary to our daughter after 5 years and 7 years respectively.

I'd personally be rethinking things because he has a comprehensive problem and that doesn't bode well for the future.

 

[clueless23]

@monni We had a very clear conversation about expectations and boundaries when things got serious and he met my kids.

I made myself very clear that he is not their father and will not ever be their father or parent. I am the parent, and they have an active and involved dad. I need support and help, but I will do the heavy lifting. We live together now and he’s allowed and encouraged to help enforce house rules (such as no bowls of cereal with milk on the couch or no coloring on the walls) because he also lives there. However, I do the actual parenting.

I let him know that kids always benefit by having more adults in their corner and he was free to support and encourage them and have their best interests in mind. It’s worked well for us.

If this man is trying to force his way into a leadership role with your child, I think it’s time you’ve had a conversation. And if he doesn’t respect your boundaries, then it’s time for him to go.

 

[marktina9767]

@monni There should be zero discipline by your s/o... There shouldn't even be any corrective speaking... They should literally only be bonding if you think it will be a long term relationship. If he can't respect your boundaries with your child, then there needs to not be any relationship between he and the child.

 

[monicac]

@monni You haven’t been in a relationship long enough with this person for them to be disciplining your child and breaking your own boundaries with your own child.

 

[katrina2017]

@monni Nope. You’re the parent. Discipline is your job. Not his. He is overstepping for sure.

 

[phill876]

@monni To me that's a red flag. I would not let someone tell my child what to do after a month, unless he was in danger or something serious. The fact that you've already mentioned it and he's disregarding it is an even bigger red flag.

 

[atwhatcost]

@monni Nope nope nope! A month and he's trying to parent your kid?? He either needs to back off immediately or you need to show him the door.

 

[dekori]

@monni You guys got an s/o?

Edit - /s.

Happily single and too emotionally unavailable to start a relationship, i see a lot of posts here talking about being single.

 

[veronique]

@monni A month is very early in. But at the same time, if you want a true family situation, you’re going to have to be ok with him stepping in sometime. Is it because you’re used to doing things on your own or you disagree with his methods/interaction?

 

[katrina2017]

@monni I disagree with these responses as someone going through this.

Its dependant on what you meant by him parenting your kid. Everyone here seems to be under the impression he's flogging your child and he could simply be trying to be a father figure.
Let's not crucify him yet.

His disrespect (in this situation) in my opinion ONLY comes from his ignorance to your wants. That being you don't want him to parent your child.
Albeit, one month in is too soon to start parenting someone else's kid.

But You gotta talk to him and ask if his ears are real or not. Cos he's gotta respect your wants

 

[katrina2017]

I don’t think theirs a way to justify this situation with an alternative perspective.

She voices please don’t do what you are doing (parenting her son)

He continues to do it regardless of what she’s said

This isn’t please don’t get my burger with cheese and then you show up with cheese on the burger. This is, that is my son and I’m asking you not to be involved in that way.

Us in the community (rightfully so) understand major red flags because he is CHOOSING to go the direction he wants and not the directions she (as the mother) ultimately has 110% say over regarding her son and his parenting/familial situation.

 

[katrina2017]

You're absolutely right. He should move onto someone else

 

[katrina2017]

@monni You say you're not looking for him to help you out with parenting your child.

What exactly have you told him? Did you say "I'm not looking for you to help me out" or "I don't want you to get involved with parenting him right now". There's a big difference, and is the decider between whether he's just being helpful or overstepping boundaries.