How do you be a badass single parent?

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katzenjammer

New member
My now ex-partner is kicking me out of the house. I have 2 dogs and a child in school. He gave me a month, that ends in 4 days. I have applied for roughly 40+ jobs, with no luck. That's including interviews but my lack of being available at night isn't getting me places. I'm applying for day jobs even if I do not have the experience.

I don't have friends or family I can move in with, have 0 support or connections down here to help.

I was wanting to study next year but I just don't know how I will be able to do that now, work and look after my child, whilst paying higher rent.. She goes to her dad's roughly 3 weekends a month and I have her for the rest of the time. He's unable to change his work roster to as they won't allow him and I feel like it doesn't bothers him as he's got it sweet. Still lives at home with his parents and they do all the cooking and cleaning.

I currently work the two nights she is at her father's, that only equates to 12 hours if I'm lucky.

I'm just feeling really down and lost. I know I can do it eventually by myself but find a place in 4 days whilst I've been looking and doing my best? I'm extremely stressed and my emotions are high. The stress is so high it's giving me physical problems.

Currently seeing a psychologist, on anti-anxiety medication, learning to meditate and doing lots of self-esteem.

I just need some support or advice please. I'm so broken..

EDIT: We were together for 5 years and also sorry I forgot to mention that my now ex-partner is not my daughter's biological dad.
 
@katzenjammer Sending you some good juju and virtual hugs, fellow mamma.

Being a single parent is the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but it does get easier as they get older. Have you applied at Wal-Mart, Target, and Amazon? They need a lot of seasonal help right now, and the pay is decent. I worked at Wal-Mart several years ago and was promoted to a manager within four months, with zero prior supervisor experience. The job sucked, but the pay was great, the benefits were great, and I worked a set daytime schedule.
The IRS also needs seasonal help, and you don't need any experience (I think). As for school, apply for a Pell Grant. I received one and the college I completed was completely paid for, but I had to keep a certain GPA. Some fields, like IT, will pay you to attend and pay you during training. The technology field is booming right now, and a benefit is that it's just about all working from home.

Is your name on the lease with your child's father? If so, he cannot force you to leave. I would suggest reaching out to a local church or call 211, and they can provide you with information on how to receive assistance for things like housing and food.
 
@eyebrowup Thank you so much! I should have stated I'm in Australia but I'll look up the relevant grants for us, thank you for that idea!! It's actually not my daughter's biological dad but hoping he has a heart to not kick out and give me some time

Edit: correct grammar
 
@katzenjammer Can help on Australia! If you haven’t already:
1. Apply for child support through CSA- you can opt to have a private agreement with your ex if things are amicable, but if they’re not and the non residential parent doesn’t pay their share they can’t chase it up if you haven’t gone through CSA initially, and they can only backdate to the date you apply. Very important to have this in place.
2. Apply for the Parenting Payment (Single) through Centerlink. You can do it on your myGov.
3. Apply for Family Tax Benefit A and B through my Gov.
*2&3 It isn’t much compared to if you were working full time- but it’ll be enough to get by on and cover rent and basic food while you find a job.
4. When it comes to school expenses The Smith Family offers help with making sure kids can still receive education in tough circumstances- if you are worried about school fees they may be able to help out in some way.
5. If you need legal advice I don’t know what state you are in but community legal centres and Legal Aid are very useful resources.

Take this one step at a time, and feel free to PM me if you need. I scraped by on next to nothing while pulling my life together and finding a home for myself and my daughter - it’s been just over a year and everything has turned around. We are happy, comfortable, and thriving. You can do it I promise you mama.
 
Oh and to add on - when you find a rental you can also apply for rental assistance through Centerlink. This can help mitigate the cost of living a little too.
 
@katzenjammer You just wake up and take it day by day. Sometimes minute by minute.

I left my husband two years ago with a barely 1 year old child, no money, no job, I couldn't even take any of my belongings just essential baby stuff. At the time I was embarrassed at the mess I had got myself in and was willing to live in my car and did for a while but ultimately ended up moving in with my parents. That was such a blow to my ego as I had left so many years before and had been so independent before my marriage. It was not easy and to be honest two years later I'm still recovering from the trauma of that relationship.I think the first year I cried every single day if not multiple times a day..just for the overwhelming loss I felt. Knowing I would never have help,that I was alone, and that my son would never have a complete family. It is easy to get lost in the pain but at the end of the day there's someone relying on you for their every need..
Ex doesn't pay CS and chooses not to be in my sons life unless I get back together with him. That isn't an option so it's a huge struggle doing everything alone. Covid brought more grey skies and I lost my job but I'm working really hard to get back up again..this time it isn't so difficult.

I don't know about badass but I'm doing the best that I can and you will too.
I had to be an example to my son and HE is what drives me. I couldn't mope around all day. I did it in private. I'm sure he sensed something even as a child but I had to live for him.. Truly Live..even if at first I was pretending to. You will find strength you didn't know you had because you have no other choice..

As far as my son
I am beyond proud of the little person that he's become.
He knows 3 languages, is learning to write, has an enormous heart and personality. He is spectacular and the struggles fade away when I see his huge smile or he gives me a kiss.
I'm making a big move to Washington at the start of the new year and it's terrifying but I am doing it for our future.
I can't wait for him to start preschool and for me to finish up a certification I've been studying for.

There is nothing promised especially with this pandemic so if your biggest move of the day is getting out of bed and taking care of your child then that's enough. That's being a badass. You're doing what someone couldn't or chose not to. If you need anyone to talk to even a mom friend who just listens please don't hesitate to message me. It helps having a sense of community even if it's just a text buddy. I hope you see that the fact you're even asking means you are a great parent
 
@katrina2017 Wow, thank you so much. I do feel that exact feeling too, the embarrassment part. I put everything ounce of energy into it. Thank you so much. I definitely gotta be easier on myself. Just your reply made me have a happy tear 🖤
 
@katzenjammer I read that you want to go to school and just wanted to give you some hope there. I work 40 hours a week and go to school full-time. My child is in elementary school, so if your child is younger than that definitely don't go full-time. But school is still possible if you stay attuned to your mental health and have a solid understanding of what you're able and not able to do. It's hard being a single parent, but it's completely doable, especially if you have a good kid and friends or family who support you. Get that child support, too. That's very important for keeping you and your kid afloat. And don't be too proud to apply for welfare - like child support, it's not for you, it's for your kid and you can't deny them that.
 
@katzenjammer I get asked that a lot and it's hard to answer! I'm very organized, very driven, and I took care of my mental health issues before I started. I also have a really good kid. I don't think I could do it if she weren't so kind, helpful, well-behaved, and independent.
 
@katzenjammer I didn't for the first year of my daughter's life. Which was hellll. I was either working or taking care of a baby 24/7/365. Work was my respite which was just depressing.

Now my daughter is 8 and fairly self-sufficient. She does homework with me when I have something I can involve her in. My parents watch her one day a week now that her school is doing online learning. The rest of the week I'm organizing her online learning, doing my own work, and then doing my schoolwork in the evenings. She's fairly self-sufficient with school, but the amount of work teachers are expecting me to put in is enraging. Just sent them an email about it, actually! They keep assigning her activities to do with me and I have a job and can't be stopping work to do it with her in addition to everything else I do for her schooling.
 
@katzenjammer I’m so sorry but I have found so much of it is mental. When I stop to think about is this fair or why isn’t my life like I wanted it to be (happily married) then I get in an emotional rut that can last for weeks. Just keep busy and remember that you are the one the kids will really value in the end as you are doing it all.
 
@jimz I completely agree, I think I'm now more scared he is going to kick me and my daughter (not his) out and I just have no place at the moment to go.

Thank you for your kind words
 
@katzenjammer See if your child’s grandparents can keep your child while you work. I mean the father’s parents. If your ex still lives at home maybe they would be willing to step up and help more.

Don’t bring a string of men (or women) in and out of your child’s life. So many single parents do it. It is so wrong and fucked up for the children.

Figure out daycare. Your ex may need to pay for this. Do you receive child support?
 
@katrina2017 I edited the post to add he isn't the bio-dad. Bio-dad does pay child support. He lives 40mins away with his parents, I've asked him before to have her even after school just for dinner when it's his b'day. It's a nope.

I will definitely get back onto the daycare though, thank you
 
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