@illuminatorofevil Yeah I don’t understand if you can’t afford more then it’s time to stop. I understand if you unexpectedly get pregnant but I don’t know why people keep having babies if they can’t afford them.
Everything is so expensive these days too, I’m one of three and my parents did okay financially but they still struggled and I could tell because there was a lot of fights about money between them. A big reason I only want one is because we won’t be stretched thin with multiple kids.
@alexd97 It’s the reason we’re only having one, we would struggle financially to have another and it would mean another barrier to my career. I will never understand having more kids than you have space for, I was the youngest of 5 and me and my two sisters shared a room and my brothers shared a room. I wouldn’t put my son through that now.
@alexd97 I seriously don't get it either. Like, do they not enjoy sleep or having a life outside of being a parent? It's already hard enough with one, especially when they're little, so it must be nearly impossible with more. My son was a pretty good baby, but when the toddler stage hit... holy crap. We always knew we'd be OAD after he was born, but that really validated every reason we would never have another. I would rather walk across a field of Legos than do that again, lol.
@andras My husband is getting a vasectomy because I honestly am scared I’ll change my mind when it gets better and I know right now I don’t ever want to do this again! But everyone is different!
@alexd97 I think about this constantly… I’m so very happy and excited for my mom friends expecting #2, but it baffles me how people can make that work.
@anthonyinalabama Yes I’ll be excited to meet their babies and hangout but if I were to get pregnant I’d be upset! All my mom friends are so sure they want more too lol I’m like we are done haha
We were pretty sure we would be OAD before we had our son then we had him and I was like yeah this had been an amazing and hard experience that I don’t want to repeat lol
@alexd97 Honestly, they have help. I had mine in covid, alone, with semi present but not happy grandparents and a husband who worked night shifts. I developed psychosis, there were no baby groups, no support, no one to see. Just me and my colicky baby alone every second of the day either in the house or lapping the local park.
My friend has her second a year ago and her husband was at all the scans, she has visitors in hospital, her parents have her eldest every weekend for a sleepover just because and will often ask to go and get her from preschool. It baffles me, it really does. I honestly think if I had that level of help I'd have had another but my only is autistic and nobody wants to know
@robertgreen92301 See I feel bad because my daughter has nearly weekly sleepovers at my mom’s and I’m still struggling. It never seems like enough to get anything substantial done or go anywhere really. Sleeping in is nice though.
@alexd97 Same its now summer so its my husbands busy season at work hes been working 60 hours a week . And when he is home hes an active dad. But lately he gets home at bedtime so ive been needing a brake even just for a minute cause i we have zero help outside of eachother. My family lives close by they just all work full time including both sets of grandparents. I love being a mom to one but how the hell do people manage two? Im lucky if i get to pee by myself
@alexd97 We ended up OAD for lots of reasons, but chief among them was my mental health taking a serious turn into the gutter because my husband also worked away a lot and it was basically me. Losing my autonomy was extremely difficult for me. Having a second would have put me over the edge.
@reporter94 That’s how I feel. I’m terrified a second would give me extreme PPD if I also had to take care of a toddler and was on my own most of the time so we are making it permanent (vasectomy) and I just feel so relieved that I don’t have to do the hard parts again. It gets me through the hard days knowing I won’t be doing this again. There are amazing moments for sure but I just mostly am feeling burnt out a lot.
@alexd97 I know my limits and patience tolerance. I knew I could only handle one child. Even though part of me wanted a girl too. I knew deep down I wouldn't be able to handle raising another child. 1 is stressful enough as a single mom. The dad (my ex) was abusive, left him yrs ago and now coparenting. I couldn't imagine doing that with more than 1 child. I thankfully have family and support but even so I didn't want responsibility of raising another child. Plus financially wouldn't have been able to. I may not have best income, but I am able to give my son a good decent life and pay bills etc. If I had 2 plus kids no way I could. My son is 9 yrs old, he'll be 10 later this year. I couldn't imagine having to start all over with being pregnant, baby and toddler phases etc. No Thank You. Going through it once was more than enough. My son and I have a very close bond and relationship. In March 2024, I got a Bilateral Salp and no regrets. No more worrying about ever getting pregnant again should I ever meet someone new. Sure I'll have to be honest with that guy about what I did. I'll worry about that if that guy ever comes into my life. I did this surgery for me. When I was with my ex I feared getting pregnant again even on birth control. I could never truly relax and enjoy sex because of those fears. Now I never have to worry. I'm not on birth control. It messed with my body and hormones.
I see so many friends and people with 2 plus kids and they're struggling financially, mentally etc. some are honest about their struggles. Most of them put on a facade show on social media acting like their lives are so glamorous and perfect. When deep down it isn't. So don't fall into the trap of thinking having 2 or more kids life will be amazing and wonderful. For some parents it may be. For most part it is a lie. Society and people make you feel like you have to have 2 or more kids. When honestly having 1 or no kids is perfectly okay too.
I love being one and done. Being single mom to one is stressful as is. I can't imagine raising 2 plus kids. I would be struggling financially and mentally. I have things I want to enjoy in life. Not be tied down to raising 2 plus kids all my life.
@robbyrob65 Yes I feel like one kid is easier in so many ways! I’m really happy I decided to have one but it’s definitely way harder than I thought it would be! Lol
@alexd97 Although it gets much easier at around 4 or 5, I still never had any desire to have another one. Those first few years were quite rough. I'm glad I have enough money/love/energy for my teenager, but I would not have any more left for another child.
@alexd97 Everyone is different and it depends on one’s circumstances. Child temperament, familial support, how involved your partner is, living space, one’s job and finances, an area’s cost of living, personal goals, current age, how easy or hard pregnancy was, etc. all factor into whether someone wants more kids and how feasible it is to have more. If we had more money and I was starting younger, and I had family that could provide daycare or lived somewhere with affordable daycare, I’d want two kids, but would want to give some space between the two. Since I don’t have those things, one it is.
@alexd97 I think a lot of them are just aiming to have the number in their head from pre-children and don't think about it too rationally. One of my friends said they never thought that deeply about having their 1st so why would they for the 2nd. They have a 'it will all work out' mentality and 'get the hard years out the way it will be worth it' thoughts... my mum had 4 and she said she had us to enjoy once we got older. So they are certainly all in it for the long game not the baby and toddler years.
Oh and there's people who are obsessed with babies... crazy I know.
@alexd97 I have an 18 month old and I am on the fence. I flip every day. On one hand, I want two kids. On the other hands, I have no idea how you'd manage it. I remember when my kid was a newborn and the first months I could barely leave the house because it was so much work. And doing it with a toddler.... my son wants to go to the park and play every second of every day lol, regardless of the weather. (Especially on the swings. Today he almost fell asleep on the swings, where I had been pushing him for like 45 minutes, and still threw a big tantrum when I said it was time to go home, i had to carry him home while he was kicking and screaming) So it is also hard to get chores done so i have to do them when he is asleep. I can't imagine having the energy for that with a newborn
