I have 2 boys 9 and 13. The 9 year old is curious, thoughtful, creative, makes bucket lists has passion and interests. My 13 year year old is sweet and kind, gets straight A’s. But he has no interests or passions. He is not a thinker if that makes sense. No real sense of curiosity. How do I help him? He likes sports but won’t watch a game; he likes movies but can’t really tell you much about them; he likes travel but doesn’t really read up on new things or process new experiences. He sort of floats about and says : cool. We took them to Paris and my younger one was a keen observer. My older was just like: this is cool. Anyone been there/done that?
How do I help my boy find a sense of purpose?
- Thread starter scubaoo
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@buddha93 I guess… I mean, he’s really not into anything. Cars, girls, math, computers, baking, painting, hockey, dance, music, like nothing. I would be ok with anything. If he came home and said I want to learn more about underwater basket weaving, I’d be like: awesome let’s go. I’m wondering how you find your passion?
@scubaoo Same way you find your love. You stop looking. Just go about doing you and enjoy life. One day you touch onto something and you just don't wanna let it go. Boom. Just like that .
He's 13. Let him not have a passion for something. It's okay. I'm 39, just discovering a passion for candy making.
He's 13. Let him not have a passion for something. It's okay. I'm 39, just discovering a passion for candy making.
@scubaoo I have your same attitude. Still, some of your questions might answer themselves if you pause and ask why you value goal-setting and the passionate side of the human experience, instead of valuing acceptance of what is and the quiet side of things. No right or wrong, but a good exercise for intense American parents like us.
One caveat: I’m a believer that you must produce in this world, not just consume. So if he is consuming a lot of media and not producing anything, I’d probably limit the media and make space for him to create. That’s vague and maybe unhelpful, but I might start thinking along those lines.
Good luck and keep being an awesome parent!
One caveat: I’m a believer that you must produce in this world, not just consume. So if he is consuming a lot of media and not producing anything, I’d probably limit the media and make space for him to create. That’s vague and maybe unhelpful, but I might start thinking along those lines.
Good luck and keep being an awesome parent!
katrina2017
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@scubaoo Ah, 13 is when they become too cool and nothing phases them.
They’re still curious, they’re still absorbing everything around them, but god forbid they show it, especially in front of parents. That would be… cringe.
This article is hilarious.
They’re still curious, they’re still absorbing everything around them, but god forbid they show it, especially in front of parents. That would be… cringe.
This article is hilarious.
@katrina2017 Lol this is awesome
@scubaoo This is a great age for a volunteer job. Look around at nonprofits nearby and sign up to volunteer with your kid. This will expose him to new ideas and places and help begin to create a sense of purpose. My children volunteer with an animal shelter. At first they weren’t very interested, but now they feel quite proud of their contributions. They would never have done this on their own; it’s been both rewarding and educational and has given them purpose!
tabithakgz
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@tabithakgz I don’t think people in this sub are qualified to give medical advice based on a snippet of someone saying their teen is acting unfazed
tabithakgz
New member
@tabithakgz Might wanna make that clear lol cuz I don’t think people are understanding that
@scubaoo Happened to my kid! He eventually found a passion for sports in high school but in middle school, he was very chill. Unless you’re worried about a sudden change in behavior or something, I’d let him explore the world on his own terms. Some people are outwardly super expressive, others aren’t. That doesn’t mean anything needs to be “fixed”
@scubaoo You are a very sensitive parent and observing of the needs of your sons. Is it possible that he may have interests and thoughts but would either not able to or not want to express?
You may also be right that he may just lack a purpose. What is your purpose in life and how did you find it? It is best to model this for him. As a reference, the best selling book "The Purpose Driven Life" would be a very good read for him.
You may also be right that he may just lack a purpose. What is your purpose in life and how did you find it? It is best to model this for him. As a reference, the best selling book "The Purpose Driven Life" would be a very good read for him.
@scubaoo I have a 15 yr old like this. I don’t understand because I always had drive and purpose. I was reading, writing and dreaming of college. My son has zero interest in college and no idea or direction. I’ve tried karate, soccer, football, Harry Potter, etc. Nope. He’s into PC gaming and sounds like a confident, if cocky, teenager. In life, major social anxiety. We are in therapy. To be clear and prevent some of the preaching. I’m a single mom, zero support (financial and emotional), this teenager stuff is hell. I think we will both come out stronger and better, provided I keep doing what’s right not what’s easy.