How do I build a Faraday cage around the bathroom?

@criley No advice on the Faraday cage, but if you are able, hire someone to clean your house. You can also get pre-made toddler meals that can lessen that load for you.
 
@criley Sounds like a divorce would seriously improve your overall quality of life. Men like that don't change unless they want to change. He knows what he's doing is wrong, he knows he's hurting you, and he knows he's neglecting your kid. He just doesn't care.
 
@emilyd I’ve thought about it tbh. He used to be a great partner but in the last year or so he’s just so different. And no, he’s not cheating—he truly does not have the energy. We also both WFH and he never fucking leaves the house by himself, except for play dates with his bestie when he’s in town. Thats why I’m pretty sure it’s depression related but idk how to expedite the healing process to keep me from strangling him. We’re in couples counseling and have been for a while bc it seemed wise given the whole “partnered to bipolar” thing.

And what’s weird is that some days, he’s fantastic. He’s amazing at playing with our kid for hours and hours, he takes care of all the house/contractor/phone-call requiring things, he used to work out every day for his mental health, he goes to therapy and the doctor when I tell him to if it’s clear that something is amiss, takes the kiddo to his weekend activities since otherwise they become “Mom Plays Soccer.” He was an amazing newborn dad. Took pride in handling all the poopy diapers and blowouts, did a deep dive into cloth diaper laundering, he took a few classes on infant care when I was pregnant. He used to get up every day with our kid when he was little, back when I was breastfeeding all night.

So like what the actual fuck. And the GUILT. Jesus Christ the guilt that pours off of him is palpable and yet any changes take foooorrrreeeevvvveeerrrr
 
@criley I hear your frustration, I really do. The thing you've got to remember is that your partner is entirely in charge of managing their own mental illness and treatment. You're there to be a support for them, but you shouldn't be lighting yourself on fire to keep them warm.

I've got some nasty mental health issues, and so does my wife. We both take our meds and do what it takes to ensure that- at least most of the time- we're both fully functioning adult humans.

I've been there before- I'm the default household manager and it got to a point a few years ago where the inequitable division of labor between the two of us was so bad, I had to have a come to Jesus meeting with my wife. Like, I don't care how long we've been together or what we've been through, I am fully prepared to leave you over this if you don't get your shit together. She decided to get her shit together.
 
@criley I would be the ultra passive-aggressive spouse and either shut off the internet or change the WiFi password. Definitely do-able all through your phone. I had roommates like this and I could not STAND the insanity. Your partner needs to reprioritize himself ASAP.
 
@nataliemcdonnell I’m not passive aggressive, rather the opposite, I just knock on the door/holler at him to GTFO and if he’s gonna take 20 minutes to shit he can do it at work where he’s not holding my toothbrush hostage. Directness works in my marriage haha.
 
@nataliemcdonnell You can even do this more subtly if you have a router that you can get into the administrative settings on. Each device is identified in the connection to the router, and phones show either as their brand or the phone name. You can set connection rules for the device, including time based rules. Not standard on all routers, but you can also buy a firewall service to moderate the content available on each device.

None of which is easier than him growing up and being a reasonable adult partner, but you might get some satisfaction out of the issue.
 
@criley I have a folder of poop related memes. When things take too long, ding ding! Tis I again! Every 30-60 seconds. Put a dish away, send a meme. Can’t watch a show with notifications showing over the screen every 20 seconds. This doesn’t solve the problem, but it is fun.

(Note: my husband only does this rarely, so it’s a comedic “move it along” thing.)
 
@hopeseven77 Oooh that’s brilliant! I can absolutely spam his phone. We have a slack channel so I can even setup scheduled messages every 2 minutes. Ty for the idea!!!
 
@criley Following.

I also need that faraday cage. He came down yesterday evening going “how did I lose an hour?!”

You went up stairs the second I started making dinner, that’s how. Now clean the table so we can eat.
 
@criley If he can’t control himself with the phone in the bathroom then maybe he needs to start handing it to you before he goes in there and you can trade him for a magazine so he won’t be bored but it also won’t be as interesting as the phone.

I have ADHD and so does my husband. We both have horrific time blindness. We also both have IBS so we be poopin all the time. Somehow we just don’t linger in the bathroom for hours on end. We get in, we poop, and then we rejoin the land of the living.
 
@criley I hate to burst the bubble but… he’s not looking at TikTok videos for an hour in the bathroom. He’s not staying up until 3am looking at puppies frolic on instagram. It’s porn. It also sounds like a porn addiction could be behind the seemingly sudden changes in his behavior this year… Would also explain the heavy guilt he’s giving off.
 
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