Anyone in a more parallel parenting situation, what do you do for holidays if you have split custody? Right now we alternate yearly Thanksgiving and Christmas Day from 8:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m. I get my kids every father's day and she gets them every mother's day. I'm going back to court to add the kids birthdays to be alternated, Halloween and Easter. Is this too much? Also, thinking about mentioning to change Christmas hours to where it's Christmas Eve through Christmas Day? Just wondering what's everyone's thoughts and what they have in their parenting plan? Thank you and happy holidays!
Holidays
- Thread starter megz088
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tinabugs77
New member
@megz088 I think it depends more what ages the kids are. For our holidays we have everything picked/written in our custody agreement to fall back on but whoever has “holiday” custody gets 9-5 that day. So my ex had him 9-5 on thanksgiving, and will have him 9-5 on Christmas. Because we have a toddler, his bedtime is so early that not much happens after 5pm anyways. However, I got lucky by having Christmas Eve as I get him technically into Christmas AM as well to open presents with me and then after at his dads.
I would definitely recommend covering all holidays and birthdays in your custody agreement. Not sure how amicable you two are, but for us, it’s a good safety net to have on paper.
I would definitely recommend covering all holidays and birthdays in your custody agreement. Not sure how amicable you two are, but for us, it’s a good safety net to have on paper.
@tinabugs77 Sorry, my kids are almost 3 and almost 4.5.
@megz088 We are parallel parenting and in our parenting plan we have included Christmas, Halloween & New Years Eve. I have primary custody and my ex celebrates their birthdays and his own when he has them and vice versa. For Christmas we do 9am Christmas Eve until noon on Christmas Day. That way one of us gets to do Christmas morning.
whereismysalvation
New member
@megz088 Add for your own birthday too if you want your kids. For me we were able to always split the holiday. Like thanksgiving one would have until 2ish and the other would have from 2 on until the next day. Christmas was usually with me Christmas Eve until 11am Christmas and other parent had our child until 7pm or overnight. Halloween we all went together even though we didn’t care to. Birthdays were split as well if possible depending on school. Ultimately you have to go for what works between you and the other parent.
@whereismysalvation I thought about our birthdays but that wouldn't truly be for the kids. If they want to celebrate my birthday we could do it the weekend before or after if it doesn't align when I have my kids.
@megz088 2 changeovers in one day sounds stressful, we alternate like this:
Parent 1 Christmas eve night until 12pm Christmas day,
Parent 2 Christmas day 12pm until boxing day.
Same goes for step kiddos birthday, whoever has Xmas eve has Night into morning of birthday and vice versa
It's alternated each year, so this year we got the afternoon for Christmas and birthday
1 changeover on the big days so as to not make the kid feel like a parcel passed about as much
Parent 1 Christmas eve night until 12pm Christmas day,
Parent 2 Christmas day 12pm until boxing day.
Same goes for step kiddos birthday, whoever has Xmas eve has Night into morning of birthday and vice versa
It's alternated each year, so this year we got the afternoon for Christmas and birthday
1 changeover on the big days so as to not make the kid feel like a parcel passed about as much morningfireeater
New member
@megz088 This is our first holiday season separated. My kids are 14 and 18, so the agreement only pertains to the 14 year old. I had him for Thanksgiving day, so he is getting Christmas Day. I asked for Christmas Eve, since our normal visitation schedule would have him with his dad from Friday to Tuesday. He is letting him spend the night Christmas Eve, but I would have been happy to deliver him that night once our festivities ended. Santa doesn’t play into it since our kids are older. Flexibility is key for keeping the peace.
nightfire61
New member
@megz088 I don't think it's too much, it makes sense if you have a selfish co-parent that wants to take all holidays.
Birthday is always a point of contention with us because kiddo and I share a birthday and ex demands to see kiddo every year and complains that I want more time BECAUSE WE SHARE A FKN BIRTHDAY! I literally pushed gave birth on my own damn birthday so I'm sorry it's not fair to someone who did nothing.
Birthday is always a point of contention with us because kiddo and I share a birthday and ex demands to see kiddo every year and complains that I want more time BECAUSE WE SHARE A FKN BIRTHDAY! I literally pushed gave birth on my own damn birthday so I'm sorry it's not fair to someone who did nothing.
hope4family
New member
@megz088 Personally i would just do one gets them Christmas Eve and the other Christmas Day then just alternate every year. That way no one has to feel like they’re missing out on the holidays. Idk imo Christmas Eve and Christmas Day wouldn’t be fair. And as for the others that really don’t have breaks it just depends how far yall are. If you live near them enough to come during the middle of the week when it’s Halloween then yeah ofc but if you lived couple hours or whatever i think it would be pointless to alternate a “holiday” that’s in the middle of the week. Unless ofc there’s some type of school break around that time like thanksgiving or Christmas.
@hope4family Thanks, we live in a smallish town, about 10 min apart, so distance isn't an issue fortunately.
hope4family
New member
@megz088 My parents were divorced when i was younger and i personally liked it way better to get to see both my parents. Santa would “come early” Christmas Eve bc he knew i would be at so and so house. Even with thanksgiving they would split it for the day. I understand everyone’s relationship with their coparent is different but i liked this schedule way better. Couple friends parents were divorced as well and they had it strictly out that this was for this parent and this for the other and they honestly hated it. Constantly guilted. I hope you figure out things. But from someone from a divorced home i hope this helps some. Good luck.
hope4family
New member
@megz088 For winter break, one parent gets kids from school dismissal for winter break until Christmas day at 6 pm. The other parent gets Christmas day at 6 pm until the day before school resumes. Parents alternate 1st and 2nd parts of break each year. Thanksgiving is from school dismissal until Friday at 6 pm, alternating each year. Easter is Friday at 6 pm until Sunday at 6 pm, alternating each year. Kids' birthday is 6 pm the evening before until 6 pm the day after, alternating every year. Each parent has their respective birthdays and Mothers/fathers day, following a similar schedule as kids' birthdays and Easter weekend schedules. We also have written where non custodial parents will have any Monday and/or Friday school free days with the attached weekends (due to the distance between the parents' homes) unless otherwise listed holiday above.