Help!!

[jonathan98]

My baby girl is 6 months old. She slept 8 hour stretches from 2-4 months and then the 4 month sleep regression hit, hard. For the last 6 weeks or so, she will only fall asleep nursing and if I try to put her down in her crib in her room or the pack n play in my bedroom she immediately wakes up and cries until I nurse her back to sleep. She is getting up 4-6 times per night. We started cosleeping because I couldn’t put her down without her waking up and I was so desperately tired I brought her into my bed and she has been there every night since. I have actually enjoyed the cosleeping and have done research to make sure it’s safe. However, there are a few problems now that we are cosleeping. One problem is her naps; I have to lay down with her for the majority of her naps which doesn’t feel sustainable. The other problem is no one else can get her down. I had to go out this weekend and bedtime was a nightmare for my husband. She screamed and screamed and hardly slept until I got home at 1 am (this was the first time he had to do bedtime without me). The other issue is my husband is not psyched about having her in our bed, and it is creating a lot of tension between us. He thinks it is problematic that the only way she will sleep is if I nurse her. So my questions are:
1: Does anyone have advice on how to get her to sleep without nursing? My husband has tried bottle feeding, rocking, patting, and holding. She will sometimes fall asleep but when he puts her down she immediately wakes up and is hysterical.
2: How do cosleeping families handle naps?
3: My husband is worried it will be hard to get the baby out of our bed in the future. How did transitioning out of cosleeping work for you?
4: All of my friends and family sleep trained their babies and I feel a lot of pressure from them to sleep train even though I have no interest in it. They are very judgmental about the cosleeping and I am hesitant to even tell anyone that we are cosleeping. My pediatrician even suggested sleep training. How do you handle the judgement/pressure to sleep train? It seems like everyone has an opinion on how MY BABY sleeps and constantly ask me how she’s sleeping.
Thank you!

 

[derrickolley]

@jonathan98

1. Why would you make your life harder by not feeding to sleep. It helps you and baby is comforted and feels safe. My husband and nanny can put baby to sleep (assuming she's not hungry) by just walking with her so that's their method but I'm not making my life harder, I've got boobs so will use them
2. I put LO to sleep and then just sneak away. She does sleep longer if i stay but if I can't afford the time then that's fine, she still gets a nap. Her favorite actuality is napping on dad's chest - longest naps ever have been there and he's loved holding her and watching Netflix
3. Lots of posts here about that. We're only 7months in so haven't tried. My impression from everything I've read is I'm expecting to have her in our bed until around 2yrs. In the grand scheme of things that's no time at all, we've adjusted our expectations on the next 2yrs (we had no idea) and now we're content to just enjoy this stage of parenthood.
4. You're the mom, you get to decide. This is only one of a million times to come when you get to stand up and defend what you believe is best for your child. Ignore the people around you. If you're science minded, there's a growing and already strong body of evidence for how being more responsive to your baby, going to them when they cry, not letting them cry it out, builds strong attachments and leads to secure and independent children/adults. Again, lots of posts here about that. If it would help, you could point the people putting pressure on you to those. But you really don't need to. If u just hang out on this subreddit a bit you'll find lots of support and encouragement on reading how others are enjoying cosleeping. Also try searching it for your questions, I bet you'll find all the answers encouraging

 

[derrickolley]

For some easy to access science this podcast episode was great:

https://themidwivescauldron.buzzsprout.com/1178486/12235424

 

[katrina2017]

@jonathan98 I feel like I could have written this myself as we’re in the same boat. Only my LO won’t let me put them down at all even for naps so I’m glued to the rocker (would love to be able to lay next to them and catch up on sleep but they wake up instantly and I can’t save the nap lol)

No advice, but lots of solidarity on all ends - including the judgment and pressure to sleep train!

 

[myosotis]

@jonathan98 The independent naps will take a lot of patience and practice. I cosleep with my 9 Month old at night but he takes independent naps in crib in his room during the day- it’s a slow game- i would start making some super strong sleep associations for baby girl- like a diffuser with lavender every time she falls asleep- the same sound on the sound machine every time she falls asleep - so that when you take her into her room and nurse and then walk her she will smell/hear those and start to learn that that is a safe place/room to sleep in. You can do this very gently with minimal crying if you have the time and patience of a saint. As far as hubby goes- if baby needs momma to sleep and you all are getting the most sleep that way- he may just have to accept that it’s something that needs to happen for the time being- if you can afford it- you can do a king mattress on the floor - you sleep back to back with hubby and c-curl baby. We transitioned my first out of our bed around 18 months- but we just kind of played musical chairs- yes the older child (2y9m) sleeps in his room but dada sleeps overnight with him and I sleep in our bed with baby.

 

[devinl]

@jonathan98 I have no answers, but the same exact problems. Following!

 

[themadhatter]

@jonathan98 Check out @heysleepybaby on IG! She has a lot of resources that I think would help you.

 

[jesusfreak1984]

@jonathan98 I have a 2yo now and what saved us was a floor bed in her room. She went through an awful 4 month regression too, so the only way I could get sleep was by sleeping with her. We had a spare firm queen mattress, so we put that on the floor and she’s still in it! I slept with her basically all night for the first year, but then I started being able to roll away and join my husband in our bed. She now sleeps through about 90% of the nights, but I do still join her in her bed on occasion.

When you’re in the thick of it, it feels like you’re going to be nursing to sleep and struggling with sleep forever….but suddenly you realize that the time passes. Do what you need to do to get adequate rest for both your daughter and yourself! Hang in there

 

[iam13]

@jonathan98 We co slept from 4-7 months because of the same reasons you listed. I didn’t want to do it forever and i was also worried about how the transition would look eventually to crib. Then baby started waking every 45-60 minutes and I was going to lose it, so we did the Ferber method sleep training at 7 months. I was nervous to do it but it went really well. He slept through the night from the get go and cried for about 45 min night one and 20 min night two, then smooth sailing ever since (he’s 9 months now). There’s no guarantees obviously and that’s why I was scared to try it.

I’ve been reflecting recently on putting him to bed now vs then. Even though I enjoyed bed sharing for a while, I still felt chained to the bed or when I would be able to start the night with him in his crib he was like a bomb inevitably going to wake in less than an hour. Now I cherish the time before bed more, nursing him and rocking him. He’s now at the point where it seems he’s rather get comfy in his crib than for me to hold him for too long. They grow up fast