@amayasasaki We made a visual checklist and let him pick times of how long it’ll take each step of the process. It gave him a lot of control over how he wanted his routine to be! There was a reward at the end of the week if there wasn’t any trouble with his routine. This helped us TREMENDOUSLY!! Good luck!
Help me please, before I lose my ever loving mind. Read full post!
- Thread starter amayasasaki
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mallibhaskararao
New member
@amayasasaki Bedtime/nighttime has been rough for us the entire life of my 3 yr old. Not wanting to go to bed and up multiple times a night. For Christmas we got him a Yoto Player. GAME CHANGER! We do the nighttime routine now, then leave him with his player and he listens to stories and music until he falls asleep. Sometimes he’ll call us up there but not usually.
@amayasasaki we tried everything with our 3 year old and finally resorted to melatonin to reset his sleep habits. Worked like a charm
@amayasasaki I read/sing/pat my daughter for an hour every night almost too I thought that was normal 
gosh I can get some time back
gosh I can get some time back@amayasasaki This is very normal and we went through this at age 3 as well. It was hell and lasted about 6 months. There were many nights where our daughter wasn’t going to sleep until 10 or sometimes 11. And this was after years of a solid sleep and bedtime routine and it was baffling to us.
Honestly the only thing that worked for us was finally allowing her to sleep in our bed. She moved around a lot at first but after a few weeks we all slept great and the bedtime struggles were no more. I tried to let go of the weird/toxic shame around bed sharing that exists in American culture and frankly I really enjoyed this time. When she was about 3.5 we started talking with her about the importance of sleeping in her own bed (mainly that she needed the best possible sleep to help her brain and body grow) and she was eventually able to go back to her own bed (but she had to be ready for it). She’s now 4+ and sleeping in her own bed and the nighttime struggles are (mostly) a thing of the past.
It sucks but it will eventually end and you are not alone!
Honestly the only thing that worked for us was finally allowing her to sleep in our bed. She moved around a lot at first but after a few weeks we all slept great and the bedtime struggles were no more. I tried to let go of the weird/toxic shame around bed sharing that exists in American culture and frankly I really enjoyed this time. When she was about 3.5 we started talking with her about the importance of sleeping in her own bed (mainly that she needed the best possible sleep to help her brain and body grow) and she was eventually able to go back to her own bed (but she had to be ready for it). She’s now 4+ and sleeping in her own bed and the nighttime struggles are (mostly) a thing of the past.
It sucks but it will eventually end and you are not alone!
brotherenoch
New member
@amayasasaki I have the secret for you. The problem is you are catering in some way shape or form. Your child is seeking your attention typically, that is part of what makes us love them so much - they just love us that much. So anything he can do to prolong bedtime is rewarded with more attention.
I know this well, I willingly fall for at least an hour of it every night. I work all day, I get so little time with them and it’s full of cuddles.
My wife has a different method, she is more no nonsense. She sees them all day long and she wants to be in bed asap - she’s spent.
My wife can do one story, a kiss, and she’s out. I cannot, if I do she will cry and find every excuse in the book to talk to me. And come out of her room, ask me to get books, anything. Frankly her guise is transparent.
The difference is my wife set the expectation, and stuck to it. Now my wife (and I) paid a price in dealing with short term my daughter went through- lots of crying and screaming. But only for a short while.
My wife was able to maintain the routine just short and sweet. I was not, I caved so early because I also wanted her attention in a 1:1 every day, I love it.
That the secret, set the rule, suffer for a short period, and be consistent.
I would recommend finding a balance between the max 2 stories, one song, and some snugging and light chit chat that I do, and the straight to bed that she does. that way you can both maintain it.
I know this well, I willingly fall for at least an hour of it every night. I work all day, I get so little time with them and it’s full of cuddles.
My wife has a different method, she is more no nonsense. She sees them all day long and she wants to be in bed asap - she’s spent.
My wife can do one story, a kiss, and she’s out. I cannot, if I do she will cry and find every excuse in the book to talk to me. And come out of her room, ask me to get books, anything. Frankly her guise is transparent.
The difference is my wife set the expectation, and stuck to it. Now my wife (and I) paid a price in dealing with short term my daughter went through- lots of crying and screaming. But only for a short while.
My wife was able to maintain the routine just short and sweet. I was not, I caved so early because I also wanted her attention in a 1:1 every day, I love it.
That the secret, set the rule, suffer for a short period, and be consistent.
I would recommend finding a balance between the max 2 stories, one song, and some snugging and light chit chat that I do, and the straight to bed that she does. that way you can both maintain it.
konradpankoff
New member
@amayasasaki My 4 year old will not sleep alone and my two year old will sometimes stay up for HOURS crying, screaming, talking to himself, etc. I haven’t had a full nights sleep in 4.5 years. Pediatrician says it’s normal because some kids just don’t sleep 8 hours straight?! The only thing that sometimes works is making sure the kids have physical exercise about an hour before bed. A long walk, jumping Jacks, dance party. Anything for 15-20 minutes to get they physically tired so they will just sleep.
@amayasasaki My oldest was, and still is, a tough sleeper. When she was younger, we blamed everything we could (mostly ourselves thinking we were doing something wrong). But after having our son, a unicorn sleeper, and as she’s grown, we’ve just realized some people just have a harder time sleeping.
What worked for us was kid’s bedtime meditation stories. They allowed her to slow her mind and body down without feeling the pressure of “going to sleep.” I think she got so worked up on “trying”to sleep that she couldn’t shut down. We sit next to the bed and rub her back while she listens. Most nights she’s asleep in under five minutes. But it’s especially helpful in the tough nights when she might be having a harder time falling asleep.
What worked for us was kid’s bedtime meditation stories. They allowed her to slow her mind and body down without feeling the pressure of “going to sleep.” I think she got so worked up on “trying”to sleep that she couldn’t shut down. We sit next to the bed and rub her back while she listens. Most nights she’s asleep in under five minutes. But it’s especially helpful in the tough nights when she might be having a harder time falling asleep.
i_dont_know
New member
@amayasasaki We had this for months, one day as she was getting drowsy I asked if she minded if I went to the toilet, she said no and I did. I checked the camera two minutes later and she was asleep. Derp, looked like me being there was actually prolonging bedtime and keeping her awake 
now I always give her a 20 minute routine including reading a book and having a snuggle then I tell her I'm going to the toilet but I'll check in on her in 5 minutes and she seems to just settle herself!
now I always give her a 20 minute routine including reading a book and having a snuggle then I tell her I'm going to the toilet but I'll check in on her in 5 minutes and she seems to just settle herself!@amayasasaki Have you also tried giving her a few minutes of undivided attention just to talk? Sometimes my toddler doesn’t want to go to sleep because she wants to “talk to mommy”. Sometimes they don’t want to go to sleep because they need their fill of mom or dad before they sleep
I assume your toddler doesn’t nap anymore so their sleep pressure should in theory be high enough
I assume your toddler doesn’t nap anymore so their sleep pressure should in theory be high enough
@amayasasaki Might not help for your situation, because your daughter no longer naps, but we had to be realistic and recognize that our daughter isn’t ready to shut off until about 9pm. She was consistently falling asleep at 9pm even after an hour of sitting in the dark.
We also started pushed back and shortened the bedtime routine. We’d be spending close to 2 hrs with her starting the routine before she went to bed. Now she just has about 45 mins.
We also introduced the Hatch Rest. We’ve been using timers with her a lot to help with transitions and limit activities. The clock sets the pace and really helped us.
We also started pushed back and shortened the bedtime routine. We’d be spending close to 2 hrs with her starting the routine before she went to bed. Now she just has about 45 mins.
We also introduced the Hatch Rest. We’ve been using timers with her a lot to help with transitions and limit activities. The clock sets the pace and really helped us.
@amayasasaki
Those are all disingenuous delaying tactics. Just say "Bedtime, no more potty" and nothing else. She wants your attention, don't give it.
When my son was at the same stage we put a baby gate just outside his door. He could open the door but get no further. When he opened the door I'd go in, not say a word, gently put him in the bed, and walk out. After a while he gave up and fell asleep, and it got less every night until it was just once and he fell asleep in 15 minutes.
By contrast, my wife would speak to him and cuddle him every time she went in. He then got more and more clingy with her, and she had to stay there for 1 - 2 hours until he fell asleep.
Same child, two completely different reactions with the different parents
Those are all disingenuous delaying tactics. Just say "Bedtime, no more potty" and nothing else. She wants your attention, don't give it.
When my son was at the same stage we put a baby gate just outside his door. He could open the door but get no further. When he opened the door I'd go in, not say a word, gently put him in the bed, and walk out. After a while he gave up and fell asleep, and it got less every night until it was just once and he fell asleep in 15 minutes.
By contrast, my wife would speak to him and cuddle him every time she went in. He then got more and more clingy with her, and she had to stay there for 1 - 2 hours until he fell asleep.
Same child, two completely different reactions with the different parents
nhacaiuytin123123
New member
@amayasasaki I read an article recently that kids procrastinate at bed time because they are fearful of being lonely during the night. The therapist who wrote the article suggested taking a moment to hug your child and hold her close and say something along the lines of. "That was nice. It's good to be close to you". That physical and verbal reassurance can help kids feel secure. Also, if it's any consolation, my 3 year old is an expert procrastinator. What I did work out though it that with her tactics it takes about an hour from when we get in bed to read to when she'll dose off. So, if I want to get her to sleep earlier I start the dinner and bathing earlier. So I roll with the procrastination so it's not negative but at least I know she'll be asleep in about an hour from when it starts.
@amayasasaki Does she nap? At that age if my daughter napped it would push bedtime to 9:30 or even 10 so we had to cut out naps. She’d fall asleep within 10 min after that.
anneinchina
New member
@amayasasaki After the bath time routine, we go upstairs and I’ll read some stories of course my little one wants more stories but what I always do to distract because I’ve turned the light off and it’s bedtime now is go through what we did that day. I start from the moment he woke up, including everything he played with and what he ate, until the bedtime and it is usually takes a few minutes by which time he’s quiet and then I sit until he’s asleep which is normally a few minutes after
lukelim1988
New member
@amayasasaki Solidarity…. Me and all our extended family members are also sitting/reading/fulfilling requests for a minimum of 30min-1hr each naptime and bedtime….. some days I just feel terrible for getting frustrated and it’s relentless… you are not aloneeee
davismiller001
New member
@amayasasaki I am right with you. We get up early! So I get no toddler free time.
fleabrain13
New member
@amayasasaki I was in the EXACT same boat as you. Either my husband or I would lay with our 3 yr old for 1-2 hours every night while she put up the fight of her life. We were dreading it every night and would argue about who was going to lay with her.
I’ve seen some other comments saying to bring everything up to bed with you and to establish the boundary of not leaving the room once she is in there to go sleep. I definitely recommend that!
About 2 weeks ago I also created a sticker sleep chart (I just put several boxes in a row on a Google doc and added some clip art of her fave cartoon characters). Every night that she goes to sleep like a big girl, she gets to put a sticker on her chart the next morning. Once she fills up her chart, she gets to pick a toy from the store. We have been talking about what bedtime expectations are every single day and reminding her how big girls go to bed without fussing or fighting. She has been going to sleep without a fight almost every night for two weeks straight.
You can set your own stipulations around treats/toys for a completed chart and how many days she needs to complete in order to receive them. But I think it’s worth a shot. It has literally saved our sanity. I stand in solidarity with you! Hang in there!
I’ve seen some other comments saying to bring everything up to bed with you and to establish the boundary of not leaving the room once she is in there to go sleep. I definitely recommend that!
About 2 weeks ago I also created a sticker sleep chart (I just put several boxes in a row on a Google doc and added some clip art of her fave cartoon characters). Every night that she goes to sleep like a big girl, she gets to put a sticker on her chart the next morning. Once she fills up her chart, she gets to pick a toy from the store. We have been talking about what bedtime expectations are every single day and reminding her how big girls go to bed without fussing or fighting. She has been going to sleep without a fight almost every night for two weeks straight.
You can set your own stipulations around treats/toys for a completed chart and how many days she needs to complete in order to receive them. But I think it’s worth a shot. It has literally saved our sanity. I stand in solidarity with you! Hang in there!
@amayasasaki Idk, my kid also does not sleep.