Has anyone been a SAHM during the day while husband is at work and then gone to work in the evenings? How did it work out for you?

[jamesmason10]

@unclemack It's the main reason I didn't have a second child. My first has always been hard to get to bed and I couldn't imagine managing her as toddler plus newborn, as I have no family help.

 

[robnox]

@jd34 Those pesky useless nipples man……

 

[jsj123]

@lesbian5eva Doable, yes, but I honestly don’t think it sounds very sustainable. You’ll likely be very drained at the end of the day and then you’ll have to be “on” for your patients. That would be very difficult especially if you’re already not the kind of person who is most productive in the evenings.

You’ll also not get a lot of time with your husband which could be hard.

 

[afterhours]

@jsj123 Yes! I can't believe all the comments acting like this is a good idea long-term! This schedule leaves absolutely no down time. OP would literally be working from the time the baby wakes up in the morning to 9 pm minimum, and that's not even taking into account night wake ups. It sounds like a terrible idea unless it was only like 1-2 nights a week, not 4-5

 

[annie9824]

@afterhours Yeah I agree. The sleep deprivation itself is so hard, let alone working two jobs! Being at home with baby all day is definitely a job.

 

[renewingmymind]

@afterhours Yes totally agree

 

[aliasaad697]

@jsj123 I was searching for more of this!

I did something similar for about 4 months while we waited for a daycare spot and it was so draining for me. I’d work after bedtime 7-9 4 days a week (I work from home & my job was flexible and understanding for my childcare needs that they accommodated me). It was so draining. I had no time to myself and no alone time with my husband. My mental health suffered and I was exhausted because my life revolves around working and other people. That’s a rough adjustment when you’re a new mom.

OP, would you be able to do 3 nights a week or something?

 

[marrish]

@jsj123 I also did something similar working part time after having a baby during COVID. Worked during nap and for a couple of hours after bedtime, for about 4 days a week, since we weren't comfortable with daycare yet. It lasted longer than I thought and after about a year and a half I was completely burned out. It was really hard and I felt like I had zero time to myself, and also felt guilty for not working on days when I just couldn't bring myself to log in. Very thankful I had an amazing boss who was flexible and supportive and understanding of what we were going through.

 

[tidal9334]

@lesbian5eva Is there a reason your husband couldn’t take the baby in the mornings if that’s when you prefer to work and then do his PhD work starting around noon to evening? You mention that you have total autonomy of your schedule but often (not always) PhD students also have autonomy unless they’re in a lab running experiments or TA.

 

[lesbian5eva]

@tidal9334 That is a good point! He usually gets in around 10am already, I’m sure noon wouldn’t be a problem.

 

[thedavedave]

@lesbian5eva I’m a therapist, too, and see about 10 clients a week and highly recommend mornings instead. I’m SPENT by the end of the day and think it would be so difficult to then have to see clients.

ETA: I think it’s especially hard to pay attention to other people all day going from “moming” to “therapying”

 

[unforgiven1]

@thedavedave YES YES YES I work 9-3 now, the evening is a no-brain zone

 

[anonymous1982]

@thedavedave I’m not a therapist but I’m mentally spent after my day at work even though I’m wfh. I used to curse my old commute, but I find myself missing a transition period from employee to mom.

 

[lurch66]

@thedavedave I agree it has to work with your schedule and energy level but one of my thoughts when I saw this post was how great it would be to see a therapist with evening hours.

 

[ewells36]

@lesbian5eva Yeah, I wouldn’t do the evening thing. I’m a therapist too - trust that you know when in the day you’re best. If the evening sessions aren’t you at your best now, it’s only going to get worse with a baby.

 

[barjean]

@lesbian5eva You’ll need to make sure your office space is isolated enough that you can’t hear the baby/your husband at all. Given your work, you need to be able to give your clients your full attention which can be really hard when your baby is home, even if you’re not the parent on call at the time.

 

[jamesmason10]

@barjean Yeah, my job is different and I still find it hard working with my kid at home, especially as she's got older.

 

[justrhi]

@lesbian5eva I do this. I work at a hospital 2-3 evenings a week and am a SAHM by day. I love it. I don’t miss any activities with my son and still get to make money. Sure I’m a bit tired but I feel most fulfilled this way. I don’t feel like home or work life suffers. It’s been the best arrangement for us.

 

[greg231]

@justrhi How did your partner handle nights by themselves while you’re at work. I work nights as well.

 

[darcycat1]

@greg231 My partner has done fine; granted out baby slept through the night starting at 6 weeks unless she was sick. I work exclusively overnights or late swings. I swapped shifts a handful of times when he and the baby were sick to help him. He also did exclusive nights with her (I formula fed) so I could sleep uninterrupted postpartum.

It does depend on the job and the child. He has a flexible start time so could sleep in if she woke him up several times and our little one usually is easy to get to bed.