Going 0-to-1 vs Going 1-to-2

[tobyw]

I'm trying to decide if I want to have a second child or not. My husband definitely wants as many as I'm willing have.

Going from no kids to having one was a huge change for us. Annual trips we used to take, we can't do any more. I have no down time to myself in the evenings. Division of labor isn't very even, so I do the majority of the work.

For parents of multiple children, has the switch from 1 to 2 been different than going from 0 to 1? is it easier? More difficult? What surprised you? (please include age gaps for reference)

 

[qbanmom7070]

@tobyw What I heard once and it's very true in my experience: the first is an existential crisis, the second is just logistics. Going one to two was so much easier than zero to one for me. Mine are 3 1/2 years apart.

My second is soooo much easier but I attribute some of that to him being a naturally easy going baby. My first kid is high strung AF and it took me three years to decide to have another. We got lucky with this one. My 4yr old (almost 5 now) still cries more than the 1yr old

It is hard at first. You have to develop a new routine for handling two kids but once you do it's easy.

The most amazing thing is that they occupy each other. Especially now that the younger one is mobile. Hands down worth the effort for that alone as I don't like playing kids games much They are also easier to corral because the baby wants to do everything his brother does-eat, bath, get shoes on, etc. Their larger age gap also means my oldest is more helpful with tasks and largely independent, to a point ofc. I have no experience with two very young kids at once and never want to. This way is much better.

I also think it's good for my oldest to see that he's not the center of the world.

 

[hammertime33]

@qbanmom7070 What if my first is a unicorn and I'm scared the second will put us through the wringer?

 

[qbanmom7070]

@hammertime33 All I can say is it DOES get better lol but you will have the experience of being a parent the second time around so maybe that will help you.