deuteronomy13
New member
This might be a long one i apologize in advance.. Not sure what this post is about. I guess just to share my crazy story idk. All I can say is I'm living one of the most difficult chapters of my life right now.
Few years back me and my ex BM was staying temporarily at my parents place they had a guest house in the back that was not being used at the time. We was struggling for some reason she refused to return to work once her maturity leave was up. I was the only one working so we headed to the guest house at my folks. The condition was a temporarily situation even though my folks owned the property I still kicked them down some money when I would get paid on top of saving up to get a house that was the plan.
However she refused to return to work 2 and a half years later. At the time I was working over nights repossessing vehicles and my commute to the repo lot to pick up the truck was 45 min to and hour one way. I was running 12+ hour shifts. Since I was the only one working I was running 6 nights a week. My employer didn't care as long as I recovered xamount of cars each week, they didn't care if it was 1 day or 7 as long as I brought in the required number of cars.
It was getting to much I would come home and the place would be more dirty than when I left. I'd make me something to eat clean up the place and wash cloths for work. Most of the time if I was lucky I would get about and hour of sleep IF I WAS LUCKY. She had no license so I had to play her Uber driver during the day when I should of been resting for work.
Eventually it all became too much I told her she needs to start pulling her own weight 30 days get a job and help or you gotta go if you don't wanna go then I'll leave and you can stay and pay my parents while u stay here. Everything was falling apart no matter how hard I tried to keep it together. After a while its like we weren't even a couple anymore. There was no more hugs and kiss when I leave for work or return. We wouldn't conversate nothing she was just there. Day 30 came and I told her she has to go. We got into an argument she started hitting me then got mad cuz i wasnt hitting her back she started to hit herself and the proceeded to call the cops and say I was beating her. The cops seen right through her BS. They took her to community brooks for a 24hr psychological evaluation.
She did not return for 2 weeks. I come home from work one day and the place was trashed a mess she had used her key to come in and supposedly get her stuff. At the time it looked like she was looking for something eventually later on I found out she took the 4,500 I had stashed that was supposed to go towards getting a house. The baby's birth certificate social and immunization records.
I told her she wasn't allowed there she been gone for 2weeks. if she needed her stuff she should of had a police present with her. She started flipping on me going off and crazy on me and started with the hitting again this time I was holding our daughter cause I had just picked her up from my moms who was watching her while I was at work. I walked outside to get away from her and she threw a milk crate at us. That was the final straw and I left to a safe zone to call the cops. They took her for DV. She never returned after that. A week later I get a latter in the mail saying I'm being charged with DV apparently when I was at work she called the cops and said I was abusing her and left b4 the cops got there.
I attempted to be civil with her and tried to do exchanges so I could go to work as well. My mom was starting to get very sick and couldn't watch our daughter as much as she once was. Now she decideds to get a job and move in with a friend from her work that lived 25min away in the opposite direction from my commute to work. I was doing all the drop off and pick ups cuz she still had no license. Then she started playing the oh ima have to cancel card on me. She picked up and extra shift she had plans this n that. Knowing my mom was sick and I had no other arrangements to watch our daughter. Calling off tomany times cause of that I eventually lost my job.
Not long after that my mom passed away, Almost immediately my step dad says we have 30 days to leave he's selling the property. I had no cause for concern I still thought I had all the money I was saving up when I was the only one working. Thats when I found out she took the money. All I had was my last check from my work it was a decent amount but it wasn't enough. So me and my daughter moved to Phoenix where my original job was at. Where we lived at was a small town no opertunity at all. As well as the ex completly stopping all contact with me not even calling or texting for our daughter I didn't see much reason to stay in that town anymore and be miserable.
Not having enough to get an apartment all that money went towards an extended stay. For a month. I spent that whole month calling up every resource I could and I would get turned down again and again I was told the help they provide is for single mothers not single fathers. Hitting brick wall after brick wall. The month was almost gone.
2days b4 we was to check out someone from city of chandler calls me back says he can help with an extended stay for a few months so I can save up and get a place. So there we were at the 2nd extended stay. Only this time my hole is getting deeper and deeper. The car I originally had the transmission went out I was going to pull it out and rebuild it till my step dad told us to leave. I got a car thru lyft applied to be a driver knowing I wasnt going to be doing much if any driving for them anyways and having repo experience I knew what the time frame was before reposition agents came looking for it and I knew how to hide the cars.
So now me and my daughter are in the new extended stay and I'm now 3 months overdue on the lyft car. Wasnt proud of my self but I was doing what I had to do. I got me another job lined up at another repo company. They had agreeded to hold my spot for me while I did what was nessary to get my daughter in daycare. This was post covid and I needed the birth certificate social and immunization records to get her into day care.. All the government buildings were shut down everything had to be mailed couldn't just go up to the social security office and get her a new card like before.
Eventually I got everything I needed and got her into daycare. I had to enroll her into a state funded scholarship program. My projected amount of income was too much for DES child care. So things were starting to look better. My job knew about the lyft car but looked the other way. Then BOOM it finally caught up to me. I forgot to park nose out and take the plate off when I got home I had the vins covered and a diffrent company spotted the car and picked it up. This was a week before my time with chandler was up and they could no longer pay for the extended stay. It had only been like 2 weeks since I had started working again due to snail mail taking forever to deliver said documents to get my daughter in daycare. So now I was back in the same boat. Not knowing what to do and once again not having enough for an apartment or an extended stay and no car and all our belongings in the extended stay I said screw it. I went and rented a uhaul the location had no pickups and so I had to get the small box truck.
For 2 months me and my daughter stayed in that damn uhaul. I would drop her off at day care go to work and then pick her up from day care we go to a park then once it got dark I would find a safe place to park so we could block the windows and sleep. I made the front comfortable for my daughter stuffed all the pillows blankets what ever I could to fill up the center gap so her her seat and the center gap made a bed for her perfect size too. She used the last blanket to cover up in and id use a jacket as a blanket and that whole 2 months I slept in the seated position seat wouldn't recline back cause it was a box truck.
I contacted my ex BM to ask her for help or if she could take our daughter for a while and explained we was staying in a uhaul she refused and that's when she informed me she too had moved to Phoenix and had been for 3 months prior. I told her when we moved we was moving to Phoenix yet she couldn't give me the same decency. She had been working for those 3 months and refused to help at all what so ever.
Finally I was able to save up and get us a 2 bedroom apartment. The 2 months in the uhaul was a nightmare for me because once again I wasnt making any payments on that uhaul and had only reserved it for 3days. My daughter enjoyed it she felt like we was traveling especially cause we go to the truck stop and buy shower time and stuff like that.
So we get the apartment I empty out the uhaul and I drop it off at the nearest uhaul location but at night time and left the keys in the night drop box. So we start taking the bus to work and daycare a month later my work gives me a car. One of the perks of repoing cars. I'm feeling good about my self my daughter is happy and healthy she has her own room she's in day care and my job had done me major solids and they said it was only cause I had a good reputation as a repo agent thats why they took the chance on me.
So things are starting to look up with the exception of BM not putting any effort at all. Then on one of my days off me and my daughter go to the car wash we washed the car stop at qt filled up the car with gas grab us some drinks were heading home them BOOM hit by a driver not paying attention that ran the stop sign to make matters worse he was uninsured. FML this was now 8 months ago.
Around the same time I applied for child support thru DCSS. I provided them with all the nessary info they asked. I used the programs at my work that we use when people fall off the map and we have a hard time finding them or the car. So I was able to pull up her address her work the whole 9 yards. 8 months later DCSS gives me 1 update and the update is she is not responding to the address verification letters they will not move forward until she does.
Because of the accident my daughter missed the allowed number of days and was removed from the state funded daycare program. DCS child care is still using the same excuse that my projected income is too high since I still have the same job once again there waiting for me. Past 8 months my rent was paid thru rental assistance and now my income tax. Just like the beginning everywhere I turn for help I'm told the help us geared towards single mothers not fathers or they say they will help yet drag there feet like how DCSS has been doing.
This has been one of the most difficult chapters of my life the past 3 1/2 almost 4years has challenged me in ways I never thought possible. I learned a lot about my self my daughter learned a lot about being a parent but most importantly my daughter is happy and has been happy the whole time not once has she complained. When we were in the uhaul before I asked my 3xifbshe could take our daughter I asked our daughter if she would wanna go stay with mommy for a little while while daddy looked for us a place to live and got in a more stable situation. No hesitation she said no daddy I'm not leaving you okay if daddy can't go with me to mommy's house then I don't wanna go daddy your my best friend and I will not leave my best friend behind. That shit hit me in the heart to hear her say that. My daughter is a diffrent breed she not like ur average child her age. I love her to death and everything I do I do in an effort for her just like I got a 2 bedroom so she can have her own room.
Well thats my story and believe it or not I left a lot of little stuff out. Honestly if you have managed to make it this far and read my story to the end my hats off to you. I honestly don't expect a Yonex to read this to the end. I have no family out here and it's just me and my daughter social life is next to none because of my situation and that's okay. I just felt the need to feel like I at least had someone to talk to...
What ever brought you guys to the situation your in with being single parents just know its not your fault. Don't blame ur self. I have done that many times. Even though I did all I could but there was times in the beginning where my daughter would ask me why doesn't mommy love her anymore her heart hurts she wants to be part of a family I've held her while she cried and I won't lie I've cried with her a few times as well. Just knowing I could give her everything she ever wants in life there will always be 1 thing she will always want that I can't give her and that's the other parent. It hits you hard when you realize your child is hurting because of the other parent and there's nothing you can do about it.
No matter how tuff shit gets don't give up. Don't hide your feelings neither. If you have to cry its ok cry don't hide it from your children let them know its ok to be sad sometimes its ok to hurt sometimes. I don't hide my emotions from my daughter I want her to see that its ok to be sad its ok it your hurting sometimes.
Few years back me and my ex BM was staying temporarily at my parents place they had a guest house in the back that was not being used at the time. We was struggling for some reason she refused to return to work once her maturity leave was up. I was the only one working so we headed to the guest house at my folks. The condition was a temporarily situation even though my folks owned the property I still kicked them down some money when I would get paid on top of saving up to get a house that was the plan.
However she refused to return to work 2 and a half years later. At the time I was working over nights repossessing vehicles and my commute to the repo lot to pick up the truck was 45 min to and hour one way. I was running 12+ hour shifts. Since I was the only one working I was running 6 nights a week. My employer didn't care as long as I recovered xamount of cars each week, they didn't care if it was 1 day or 7 as long as I brought in the required number of cars.
It was getting to much I would come home and the place would be more dirty than when I left. I'd make me something to eat clean up the place and wash cloths for work. Most of the time if I was lucky I would get about and hour of sleep IF I WAS LUCKY. She had no license so I had to play her Uber driver during the day when I should of been resting for work.
Eventually it all became too much I told her she needs to start pulling her own weight 30 days get a job and help or you gotta go if you don't wanna go then I'll leave and you can stay and pay my parents while u stay here. Everything was falling apart no matter how hard I tried to keep it together. After a while its like we weren't even a couple anymore. There was no more hugs and kiss when I leave for work or return. We wouldn't conversate nothing she was just there. Day 30 came and I told her she has to go. We got into an argument she started hitting me then got mad cuz i wasnt hitting her back she started to hit herself and the proceeded to call the cops and say I was beating her. The cops seen right through her BS. They took her to community brooks for a 24hr psychological evaluation.
She did not return for 2 weeks. I come home from work one day and the place was trashed a mess she had used her key to come in and supposedly get her stuff. At the time it looked like she was looking for something eventually later on I found out she took the 4,500 I had stashed that was supposed to go towards getting a house. The baby's birth certificate social and immunization records.
I told her she wasn't allowed there she been gone for 2weeks. if she needed her stuff she should of had a police present with her. She started flipping on me going off and crazy on me and started with the hitting again this time I was holding our daughter cause I had just picked her up from my moms who was watching her while I was at work. I walked outside to get away from her and she threw a milk crate at us. That was the final straw and I left to a safe zone to call the cops. They took her for DV. She never returned after that. A week later I get a latter in the mail saying I'm being charged with DV apparently when I was at work she called the cops and said I was abusing her and left b4 the cops got there.
I attempted to be civil with her and tried to do exchanges so I could go to work as well. My mom was starting to get very sick and couldn't watch our daughter as much as she once was. Now she decideds to get a job and move in with a friend from her work that lived 25min away in the opposite direction from my commute to work. I was doing all the drop off and pick ups cuz she still had no license. Then she started playing the oh ima have to cancel card on me. She picked up and extra shift she had plans this n that. Knowing my mom was sick and I had no other arrangements to watch our daughter. Calling off tomany times cause of that I eventually lost my job.
Not long after that my mom passed away, Almost immediately my step dad says we have 30 days to leave he's selling the property. I had no cause for concern I still thought I had all the money I was saving up when I was the only one working. Thats when I found out she took the money. All I had was my last check from my work it was a decent amount but it wasn't enough. So me and my daughter moved to Phoenix where my original job was at. Where we lived at was a small town no opertunity at all. As well as the ex completly stopping all contact with me not even calling or texting for our daughter I didn't see much reason to stay in that town anymore and be miserable.
Not having enough to get an apartment all that money went towards an extended stay. For a month. I spent that whole month calling up every resource I could and I would get turned down again and again I was told the help they provide is for single mothers not single fathers. Hitting brick wall after brick wall. The month was almost gone.
2days b4 we was to check out someone from city of chandler calls me back says he can help with an extended stay for a few months so I can save up and get a place. So there we were at the 2nd extended stay. Only this time my hole is getting deeper and deeper. The car I originally had the transmission went out I was going to pull it out and rebuild it till my step dad told us to leave. I got a car thru lyft applied to be a driver knowing I wasnt going to be doing much if any driving for them anyways and having repo experience I knew what the time frame was before reposition agents came looking for it and I knew how to hide the cars.
So now me and my daughter are in the new extended stay and I'm now 3 months overdue on the lyft car. Wasnt proud of my self but I was doing what I had to do. I got me another job lined up at another repo company. They had agreeded to hold my spot for me while I did what was nessary to get my daughter in daycare. This was post covid and I needed the birth certificate social and immunization records to get her into day care.. All the government buildings were shut down everything had to be mailed couldn't just go up to the social security office and get her a new card like before.
Eventually I got everything I needed and got her into daycare. I had to enroll her into a state funded scholarship program. My projected amount of income was too much for DES child care. So things were starting to look better. My job knew about the lyft car but looked the other way. Then BOOM it finally caught up to me. I forgot to park nose out and take the plate off when I got home I had the vins covered and a diffrent company spotted the car and picked it up. This was a week before my time with chandler was up and they could no longer pay for the extended stay. It had only been like 2 weeks since I had started working again due to snail mail taking forever to deliver said documents to get my daughter in daycare. So now I was back in the same boat. Not knowing what to do and once again not having enough for an apartment or an extended stay and no car and all our belongings in the extended stay I said screw it. I went and rented a uhaul the location had no pickups and so I had to get the small box truck.
For 2 months me and my daughter stayed in that damn uhaul. I would drop her off at day care go to work and then pick her up from day care we go to a park then once it got dark I would find a safe place to park so we could block the windows and sleep. I made the front comfortable for my daughter stuffed all the pillows blankets what ever I could to fill up the center gap so her her seat and the center gap made a bed for her perfect size too. She used the last blanket to cover up in and id use a jacket as a blanket and that whole 2 months I slept in the seated position seat wouldn't recline back cause it was a box truck.
I contacted my ex BM to ask her for help or if she could take our daughter for a while and explained we was staying in a uhaul she refused and that's when she informed me she too had moved to Phoenix and had been for 3 months prior. I told her when we moved we was moving to Phoenix yet she couldn't give me the same decency. She had been working for those 3 months and refused to help at all what so ever.
Finally I was able to save up and get us a 2 bedroom apartment. The 2 months in the uhaul was a nightmare for me because once again I wasnt making any payments on that uhaul and had only reserved it for 3days. My daughter enjoyed it she felt like we was traveling especially cause we go to the truck stop and buy shower time and stuff like that.
So we get the apartment I empty out the uhaul and I drop it off at the nearest uhaul location but at night time and left the keys in the night drop box. So we start taking the bus to work and daycare a month later my work gives me a car. One of the perks of repoing cars. I'm feeling good about my self my daughter is happy and healthy she has her own room she's in day care and my job had done me major solids and they said it was only cause I had a good reputation as a repo agent thats why they took the chance on me.
So things are starting to look up with the exception of BM not putting any effort at all. Then on one of my days off me and my daughter go to the car wash we washed the car stop at qt filled up the car with gas grab us some drinks were heading home them BOOM hit by a driver not paying attention that ran the stop sign to make matters worse he was uninsured. FML this was now 8 months ago.
Around the same time I applied for child support thru DCSS. I provided them with all the nessary info they asked. I used the programs at my work that we use when people fall off the map and we have a hard time finding them or the car. So I was able to pull up her address her work the whole 9 yards. 8 months later DCSS gives me 1 update and the update is she is not responding to the address verification letters they will not move forward until she does.
Because of the accident my daughter missed the allowed number of days and was removed from the state funded daycare program. DCS child care is still using the same excuse that my projected income is too high since I still have the same job once again there waiting for me. Past 8 months my rent was paid thru rental assistance and now my income tax. Just like the beginning everywhere I turn for help I'm told the help us geared towards single mothers not fathers or they say they will help yet drag there feet like how DCSS has been doing.
This has been one of the most difficult chapters of my life the past 3 1/2 almost 4years has challenged me in ways I never thought possible. I learned a lot about my self my daughter learned a lot about being a parent but most importantly my daughter is happy and has been happy the whole time not once has she complained. When we were in the uhaul before I asked my 3xifbshe could take our daughter I asked our daughter if she would wanna go stay with mommy for a little while while daddy looked for us a place to live and got in a more stable situation. No hesitation she said no daddy I'm not leaving you okay if daddy can't go with me to mommy's house then I don't wanna go daddy your my best friend and I will not leave my best friend behind. That shit hit me in the heart to hear her say that. My daughter is a diffrent breed she not like ur average child her age. I love her to death and everything I do I do in an effort for her just like I got a 2 bedroom so she can have her own room.
Well thats my story and believe it or not I left a lot of little stuff out. Honestly if you have managed to make it this far and read my story to the end my hats off to you. I honestly don't expect a Yonex to read this to the end. I have no family out here and it's just me and my daughter social life is next to none because of my situation and that's okay. I just felt the need to feel like I at least had someone to talk to...
What ever brought you guys to the situation your in with being single parents just know its not your fault. Don't blame ur self. I have done that many times. Even though I did all I could but there was times in the beginning where my daughter would ask me why doesn't mommy love her anymore her heart hurts she wants to be part of a family I've held her while she cried and I won't lie I've cried with her a few times as well. Just knowing I could give her everything she ever wants in life there will always be 1 thing she will always want that I can't give her and that's the other parent. It hits you hard when you realize your child is hurting because of the other parent and there's nothing you can do about it.
No matter how tuff shit gets don't give up. Don't hide your feelings neither. If you have to cry its ok cry don't hide it from your children let them know its ok to be sad sometimes its ok to hurt sometimes. I don't hide my emotions from my daughter I want her to see that its ok to be sad its ok it your hurting sometimes.
