First pregnancy : Am I the only one that has periods of doubt and fear that I'll miss my pre-child life?

[theflypsyde]

@lumpyspaceprincess You're not alone. When we were deciding to try (I'm also 35) I felt like I was staring down a fork in the road. I chose the baby fork and am 9w into it and already wonder what the non baby fork would be like.

I third it's totally normal in a period of transition to both want to hold on to what would have or could have been / grieve something that is no longer a possibility and also be excited for the future.

Totally normal.

 

[nad]

@lumpyspaceprincess Definitely, and the closer I’m getting to third trimester, the more dread I feel. But at the same time I can’t wait to meet my girl & get to know her. I know she’s going to have one helluva attitude just like her mama!

 

[omatt]

@lumpyspaceprincess I love my 10 month old. No regrets having her, she’s the light of my life and her smile lights up a room. But sometimes I miss my pre-baby life, being able to snuggle up with a good book for the entire day, go for a walk alone without setting up child care, travel without bringing a metric tone of baby crap…I think it’s normal and healthy and reminds me that I need to maintain a life for myself outside of my child because she not not always need me to this degree and will not always be living with me, eventually she will grow up!

 

[criska4]

@lumpyspaceprincess After multiple rodeos I can determinedly say you will absolutely miss all kinds of things about your pre-baby life. If you decide to have more, you will miss your previous life each time. But you also learn and grow and change every time. No, life is never going to be the same. You and your partner need to lean on each other and don’t hesitate to call on your village literally every week, every day if you need them. One of the ways that you and your partner can support each other is by honoring alone time. And I know, it’s so less than romantic, but schedule your time for yourself and your time to be together. A sane parent who seeks balance in their life will always be a better parent and better example for their kids than an exhausted and drained parent that never prioritizes him or herself. Set aside time to love yourself and to love each other so that you have your full capacity to love your kids.

 

[jlottering]

@lumpyspaceprincess I think every single person with a child would relate to you.

 

[rudolphsclarice]

@lumpyspaceprincess I still have them, and it's frustrating because I want a child, so I keep reminding myself that if I lose parts of my freedom for a blessing, then it's worth it.

 

[paraklettos]

@lumpyspaceprincess I’m also 35 and have been mourning the loss of my independence. But now that I’m 26 weeks and long over the discomfort of the first trimester, I’m getting a lot more excited to meet my son. Give yourself time to accept this big change. And I’m sure we’ll adapt and find ways to still have fun!

 

[jaelhope]

@lumpyspaceprincess I had my first at 21 and struggled a lot with missing pre-child life. I felt that way for a few years actually. Now that she’s more independent I’ve been able to reclaim an identity that feels authentically me. Of course now we are having another lol.

 

[danmat777]

@lumpyspaceprincess Every new parent goes through this, it’s super normal! You’re going to miss parts of your pre-child life while also loving your new parent life. It ebbs and flows. I love being a mom more than not being one!

 

[antibody]

@lumpyspaceprincess I’m (f29) and 35 weeks and feel nervous!! Husband (m29) and I have been together 13 years and it’s going to be such a change to our lives together.

My husband processed all this before we got pregnant, he was more worried initially. I was just so eager to get pregnant i really looked on the positive side of kids while we were trying. I feel like I’m really embracing or preparing for the “cons” now.

I wake up a bit panicked sometimes - realizing I won’t get a good nights sleep for years, that my husband and I will PROBABLY fight more than we have in years (we don’t fight now, things are so so good), realizing our alone time will tank etc

I also feel so much excitement to watch us become parents, to snuggle our little newborn in just a few weeks, to watch my husband become a dad - he’s grown so much since I’ve been pregnant (more sensitive and caring - he’s aged like fine wine lol), to get to watch her grow up in general - get her into hobbies, see what kind of personality she has, see our parents as grandparents. All that will be great and I’m really excited.

I’m really trying to soak up these last few weeks of independence. I’m also noticing how much down time I have, sometimes I even feel bored!

 

[grimkinggrim]

@lumpyspaceprincess I can definitely relate. I’m 30, and my husband and I have been together for almost 11 years. We decided to start trying, thinking we’d have a little time to finally take our honeymoon, prep our home, maybe run one more marathon, etc. We ended up getting pregnant faster than I thought (which I’m super grateful for!) and I immediately had a ton of these fears like “oh no, there’s so much we didn’t do. We’ll never be able to go to Paris/take big hiking trips/go to the movies again!” I ended up being 8 weeks on our honeymoon (which was a ski trip) and it was super fun but less romantic than I imagined on account of all the vomiting hahahha.

I’m 28 weeks now and I’m starting to feel better. As I get more visibly pregnant, I can see him getting more excited to be a dad, and it’s helping me realize that while our life is undoubtedly going to be a lot different, it’s going to be a new type of exciting and fun! I would say in general I still have both feelings you describe: the fear and the excitement, but the excitement is starting to outweigh the fears as I get further along!

 

[heathorheather]

@lumpyspaceprincess Girl same! Already know I'm one and done. Would not be up for going through this again. I think I'll be much better with the motherhood than pregnancy as not being physically able to do most things I enjoy in life is making me fairly miserable

 

[kirutu3]

@lumpyspaceprincess I hated being pregnant. Physically and emotionally the worst. Everyone’s story is different, but I was back to my normal self once the post partum hormones calmed down. It’s normal to feel all the changes and question everything.

But on the flip side- you can start to enjoy the mom side of life which you are just embarking into

 

[smta276603]

@lumpyspaceprincess I always wanted kids, 3 actually. I’m a late bloomer in general but from ages 16-30 I worked with children in some capacity: babysitter, nanny, assistant teacher. I have actually help raise 3 amazing boys, as their nanny, one from newborn till 12yo. Now that I am 39 yo and 10weeks along I question even having more than one kid and all the changes. Ive never done it 24/7. I have an amazing fiancé so that is super helpful but my body feels so weird. The only thing ive wanted forever is to be a Mom and now that it’s happening I feel unprepared for the changes.

We will all get through this, especially knowing we aren’t alone in feeling like this.

 

[katrina2017]

@lumpyspaceprincess I was completely thrilled to find out I was pregnant but also cried myself to sleep once or twice worrying about the future, worrying about missing my old life and my life when it was just me and my husband. Now baby is here and honestly I don’t think about “missing my old life” bc I’m still the same person, my husband is the same person and baby is the biggest bonus I could imagine. You don’t have to surrender everything.

 

[dellaa]

@lumpyspaceprincess I’m a soon-to-be mid-40s dad and am feeling this so much. Basically in mourning over the loss of my current lifestyle. Trying to keep an open heart and mind and stay focused on the beauty of what’s to come. But yeah, it’s f’ing hard.

 

[pageturner]

@lumpyspaceprincess Yes, mama! Relate so hard!!! I struggled so much in the 1st trimester and then felt guilty for hating the experience. Honestly still in 2nd trimester I don’t really enjoy being pregnant. It’s totally amazing to think I’m capable of creating this life inside me, but I also think it’s okay to admit that some of us just aren’t going to be the people the crave or miss pregnancy. It doesn’t mean we won’t be good moms or love our babies any less.

Pregnancy is hard, we give up so much as human beings and have to constantly adjust to the ever-present changes in our body and life. It’s got to be normal to resent that a little bit! One of the best pieces of advice my mom friends have given me is to try not to feel like you have to change your life for baby, but to make baby a part of your life instead, and I thought that perspective was super helpful. Yes, things will be harder and take longer but I think we should all continue to do the things we like to do with our new additions to the extent it’s possible. But at the same time, once that baby is born a mother is born, too, and you’ll forever be a mother going forward. I struggle accepting the old me will simple be no more once babe gets here, and I’m sure I’ll mourn her heavily, but I also know I’ll grow into someone I never imagined could be possible and honestly wouldn’t be possible without her, and that’s super rad, too. Give yourself some grace and some hugs!!

 

[ceno101]

@lumpyspaceprincess I know I will miss my child-free life, and that’s okay. That life will fade into the past. Just like how I miss first grade, and summer camp, and college, and living alone just after landing my first big-girl job…they were wonderful stepping stones that will always have a certain feeling attached to them, but they’re in the past. I’ve built a new life after them. I will adore being a momma and in not too much time, I’ll miss having a toddler, and then I’ll miss the cute pre-teen stage, and then I’ll miss when they needed me…but it doesn’t mean I don’t look forward to the future.

 

[koala420]

@lumpyspaceprincess Sure, sometimes I think, oh, there is no going back now, but honestly, I'm done with my carefree life, it was getting abit boring. I am 34y/o.

 

[roni2014]

@lumpyspaceprincess i’m 23, will be 24 when I give birth. up until the day I found out I was pregnant I was a HUGE partier and i was ALWAYS doing some kind of crazy event or spontaneous adventure. I of course stopped drinking/doing drugs the day I found out which cancels like 90% of the things my friends and I would do together. i’m mourning my previous life already. I was having so much fun and I didn’t feel done yet. I don’t have any “wholesome” hobbies lmao now I just watch tv all day. I’ve tried still going to the club with my friends but I get tired by 10pm and I just don’t have fun watching everyone around me get drunk while i’m drinking water. So I know that era of my life is over and I know it’s dumb but i’m so upset about it. I loved being young and crazy and carefree :/

but so far i’m having a beautiful perfect pregnancy and i’m so excited every day to meet my baby and i’m so happy to be a mom. I just didn’t think it would happen this early in my life.