Feeling a sense of doom about this pregnancy

N

nice19

New member
I’m 5w today. I’ve had normal betas and my progress lines on hpt’s look fine. Due to recurrent losses, I’m also on 200mg of progesterone daily. I am beyond nervous and anxious about this pregnancy because of my lack of symptoms, and my continuing rise of hcg. I’ve googled “blighted ovum” and “molar pregnancy” and that definitely didn’t help. I’m worried about not only miscarrying, but now the added fear of cancer from a molar pregnancy. I don’t have my ultrasound until April 2. Another added anxiety is the fact that progesterone can mask the symptoms of a miscarriage, so I’m scared I’m missing early symptoms of a MC and that by prolonging it, I’m putting myself at risk for even more complications. Like, maybe if it was a molar, I’d have started bleeding by now and could alert my OB. I don’t know what I’m looking for here, I just wanted to vent my fears out so they aren’t consuming me. 😔

Update: 4/3/24 - I had my first US yesterday. I’m around 7+3, but baby measured at 7+0. FHR was 151. There was an embryo, fetal pole, and yolk sac. I know this should provide comfort, but I can’t help drawing parallels between this one and my first MC. My first MC stopped growing at 7 weeks, so the fact this one hasn’t made it past 7+0 yet has me freaked out. The heart rate was good though, at 151. I’m thankful for an update and that it isn’t molar, but I still can’t relax. Next US is 4/23. I’ll update as I find out more info for those kind of in the same boat. ❤️
 
@nice19 This is normal, I remember feeling the exact same way as you, I’m 10 weeks today so still not a success story but it’s the furthest I have made it and I remember nott feeling any symptoms and also taking progesterone and terrified that I would be having a miscarriage and not bleeding because of progesterone, well I read a lot of stories of people on progesterone and a good chunk of people had bleeding while on progesterone, I also didn’t develop any nauseas until 6+ weeks and I didn’t start vomiting until 7+ weeks
 
@periosehperi Thanks for your comment. It’s sort of reassuring to know even people on progesterone will show signs if something is off. I’m going in for another round of betas this week, so hopefully the numbers look good.
 
@nice19 I’ve never not felt a sense of doom while pregnant. I’m not through the woods yet but I am 18w and feel as doomy as I did at 5w, just about different things. I have come to accept and recognize the anxiety. Just because it is there doesn’t mean I need to let it control my life. There will always be something to worry about next, honestly until I die, hopefully long before my child.
 
@nice19 I suffer from health anxiety in regular life, and it heightened a lot when I became a mum to my now toddler in 2021. I had an early loss in December and am now 7+5. Like you, I’ve been having moments of rumination about a maybe molar pregnancy causing rare cancer. No indication that it could be a molar pregnancy, it’s just a worry.

A good rule of thumb is: if the thought is emotionless, like an information dump from your brain, it’s potentially intuition. If it comes with panic, it’s anxiety.

Very rambling story about it in action coming up:

An example is - when my son first started childcare at 14 months he had the worst winter - back to back illness. He had one particular illness that worried me. We’d been to the GP two days in a row who treated him for atypical croup. I work with kids, and knew it wasn’t croup, but hey I’m not a doctor. On the third night his temperature spiked and he was so ill. I was freaking out, convinced it was leukaemia (childhood leukaemia has the same symptoms as like every virus - it’s an anxious catastrophic brain’s dream illness).

On our way to A&E, I carried out an exercise I’d been taught in CBT to distinguish between anxiety and initiation. I took 10 deep breaths, cleared my head and asked myself ‘does he have leukaemia?’ And my brain answered ‘no, it’s strep tonsillitis’. It was the weirdest fucking thing, and whilst I was jumping to the worst case scenario, my brain’s logical side was actually assessing information. And I was right, a 10 day course of antibiotics later and he was fine.

Anyway, sorry for the ramble! Very long way to say, anxiety is not initiation, and the 10 breaths then question is a really good way to help you work out what is tangible worry, and what is pure anxiety. It’s so hard though, and just know you’re not alone!
 
@his_word_is_truth Thank you for sharing that. I am the exact same way. I always find something to focus on and it takes over my life. I’m trying to stay calm and think about the fact that for the moment, I am pregnant. I am having more betas drawn this week, so hopefully that will help ease my mind (or at least it will point me in the right direction of that to think)
 
@nice19 This is exactly how I feel at 4w5d. And I had a blighted ovum last pregnancy so I’m praying I don’t have one again (from what I understand back to back ones are pretty rare). I’ve had two losses and have been trying for 19 months so it’s hard to believe that it will actually happen😞
 
Also on progesterone too, and I’ve had that thought. Something that helped me was seeing that progesterone won’t keep pregnancy tests from progressing/ HCG from rising. So if it’s an unhealthy pregnancy there will still be signs even if you’re not bleeding yet. And it sounds like you have all the good signs ❤️
 
@nze05 Thanks for all your responses, it helps that others are feeling the same way. Pregnancy after loss is so hard and nerve wracking. I hope your pregnancy continues to go well. ❤️ I’ve not seen the miscarriage odds reassurer website.
 
@nice19 If you just google it and put in how many weeks you are it tells you the chances of not miscarrying and somehow it helps ease your mind just seeing it written down.

It’s always nice to have someone that’s going through it with you, I don’t know anyone this early along so it’s hard and almost feels like you have no one to talk to
 
@nze05 It is nice to feel supported by women experiencing the same thing. Can I ask with your blighted ovum, did your HCG continue to rise normally?
 
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