Fair division of labor?

[yobdas]

We have three kids together.

They do:

All baby feedings (1.5 year old)

Homework supervision (7 year old)

Clothes Acquisition/decisions

Interface with school

Clean floors

Clean litterboxes

Their own laundry

Summer 9-5 Watch kids (they are a college professor, I work year round)

Christmas cheer

Watch kids from 3:30 to 5 or 6 most weekdays while I work

I do:

All dishes

Yard work

Kids laundry and mine (including washing and replacing sheets, they have a hard time putting on the bottom sheet)

All baths

Finances

Trash

Buy most target type stuff

Make coffee and tea

Get kids up/breakfast/brush teeth/out door

Make most dinners while they Watch kids

We split:

Making lunches

Loving them

Scheduling and bringing them to activities

Scheduling and supervising play dates

Food shopping

Dropping four year old at pre-k (they used to do this exclusively)

Putting two bigger kids asleep v. Stay up until 11pm with 1.5 year old

Small piece of context: they work more hours than me during the year, and less in the summer.

 

[davis83]

@yobdas Does each person have the same amount of leisure time? Does your partner think it’s fair?

As an aside, I think one person handling all of Christmas is an extremely heavy lift and very draining. Holiday magic should be a team effort.

 

[yobdas]

@davis83 Hmm, yes, with Christmas, I do the lights, they do most of the decorations, we get the tree together. I don't think it feels heavy to either of us? I threw that in more as a joke.

We both get an hour every other night to do what we will. I suppose that's leisure time? I also rock climb with my seven year old for fun, and walk the baby around the neighborhood in a stroller. I have fun taking the older kids to the playground. Sometimes I mess around instead of working. Sometimes we get a babysitter. Thats about it.

I think they think the division is fair, or maybe a bit in their favor. What do you think?

 

[davis83]

@yobdas If the other person thinks it’s fair than it’s fair.

Using Christmas as an example though. Who buys kids gifts? Extended family gifts? Do you do a holiday card? Who maintains address list? Organizes photo and outfits? Designs card? Do you travel to family? Who books the travel? Who packs? Do you host at home? Who manages invites? Creates menu? Cooks? Who wraps presents? Who communicates wish lists to extended family who buys kids gifts? Do you have family traditions? Who manages those?

There is a lot of unseen labor beyond just set tasks.

 

[yobdas]

@davis83 They buy no gifts for their family, I handle my family. Her family buys no gifts for our kids, my family does not want input on gifts for our kids. We buy and wrap about the same number of presents. We usually just travel to their family for Christmas day. I maintain the address list and they design the card.

I think you are missing the point of the post - this isn't about my feelings or theirs, I simply want a judgement based on the list!