Fair Distribution of Labor?

[toysernis1]

@carlthedreamer You’re right. When I said absolutely nothing, I meant house hold duties, certainly not childcare. Thank you for pointing that out!

 

[monique77]

@toysernis1 Thank you!

I am okay with getting up over night if I get to catch up on sleep on the weekend. I wasn’t sure if asking him to STILL take full on child care for a few hours “on his day off” was fair. I hadn’t ask but will!

I think we were very overwhelmed with her the first few months, she is NOT HIGH NEEDS but really enjoyed being held and my husband felt like he had no time during the day to get anything done so I was pitching in A LOT while I was at home.

It sounds like overwhelming agreement that with an 8 month old my husband can do more chores throughout the day. And I can spend my mornings just bonding with baby. I cherish this time and would not give it up because I have to work all day day and miss her terribly.

Thank you everyone for advice!

 

[toysernis1]

@monique77 Of course! Here’s the way I see it. You go to work and that’s your job. He stays home so the kiddo and cleaning is his job. When you get home, he should absolutely get a break… say 30-60mins. You should also get some winding down time. This can’t happen, if he’s doing nothing during the day and you’re picking up the slack at night and on weekends. Why does he get to “clock out” but you don’t? That’s kind of how I see it! If he pitched in a smidge more every day, you’d get more quality time AND he’d have more down time.

Example, I can get the entire house spotless before 1pm. Then I can relax the rest of the day and just play with my kids and enjoy them!

 

[melekmikayel]

@monique77 I’m the SAHP and I WISH my husband only worked 8 hours and was up with the baby so I could sleep in til near 9, but that sounds wildly unfair and my morning routine sounds much more like yours than his. I am up with baby but my husband is also up and we switch off getting ready for work, minding the dog/baby, and doing general tidying/household tasks before he leaves and I am home for the day alone for 9-10 hours usually.
He should step up a bit in the AM and/or help with overnights. This really sounds unsustainable to you!

 

[carlthedreamer]

@monique77 Have you spoken to him about this? How does he react?

 

[whydidigetmarried26]

@monique77 Honestly, you’re doing such an amazing job! I feel like you’re doing a lot more than most so your husband is really lucky. I’m the sahp and I’m with my LO 24/7 especially since I breastfeed. I do all the laundry, grocery shopping, bottle cleaning, feeding and most of the cooking. We switch off with cooking but he usually does all the dishes.

My husband probably gets to spend 2-3 hours a night after work with our LO and he’s in charge of the nightly routine esp if baby wakes up in the middle of the night, which doesn’t happen often.

It is pretty exhausting being a SAHP especially if baby won’t nap or is on the move. It’s hard to do anything during the day. I sometimes forget to eat bc I’m so busy running after the kiddo. After a few months we decided to get a nanny that helps out 10 hours a week and that has made things so much better for me!

We also switch off on weekends depending on whether we have plans or not. So he’ll get a Saturday to do whatever and I’ll go do my thing on Sunday while he’s on baby duty.

You guys will find a solution but just know that you’re both doing an amazing job, but more importantly YOU are doing an amazing job supporting him in any way you can! Kudos to you mama!

 

[naly]

@monique77 Do you ever get to sleep in? Our toddler wakes up at 7/7:30 and that’s generally when the parent who got to sleep in gets up during the week. our baby gets up at 6/6:30 and we alternate who gets up with them. They both sleep through the night 95% of the time so we both get about the same amount of sleep. Sleep is super important to both of us but I realize it’s not important to everyone.

Do you get brakes? Yes being a stay at home parent is hard but so is being a solo parent for several hours before going to work and after you get home.

 

[blessedbethyname101]

@monique77 Instead of switching every night, switch every few days. That keeps both people from having too little sleep too often