Factors that helped you decide?

[walid373]

36 y.o. married female with an 18 month old son. Husband is 42. Son was an IVF baby. We have 1 embryo in storage.
I would like to use it. Husband is pretty much OAD.

What factors came into play when making your decision to only have 1 child?
Or is there anyone in this group that actually ended up having another one? Lol

Please help me decide! I know it's a very personal decision but I just have no idea whether we should or shouldn't.

My husband is coming from a place of wanting to travel in the near future but is refusing to travel with 2 little kids.

I guess if I used this embryo and it didn't take for some reason, I would still be content with just our son, but I keep thinking why did IVF give us 2 good embryos to use it we're only meant to have 1 child. Hmmm

 

[isocoma]

@walid373 I think you need a good sit down with your husband. If he doesn't want another, that's your answer.

I know accidents happen and sometimes people get pregnant without meaning to. So in those cases it's different. But in this case, given its IVF, it's a very deliberate choice you have control over.

Letting go of having a third was hard for me. But I knew my husband was leaning toward being done and he had good reasons that I did agree with overall. They were factual. We stopped at 2 and there are days I am a little sad still. But I knew it was right for our family in the long run.

I think first step is really listening to your partner. If he is absolutely done then you have to figure out how to move on from here. If he is open to the discussion then you start there, listing out the factors both practical and emotional. Perhaps even a counselor could help in either situation.

It's a hard spot for sure. But adding a human is a big deal and I think you both need to be on the same page from the jump.

Good luck to you!

 

[freddied]

@walid373 Is the travel issue about resetting the clock back to having a newborn, or about two children being harder to travel with than one child forever (or alternatively the financial aspect of another child vs travel)? There’s definitely going to be a crossover age where two are easier than one because they can play together. We are about to go on our first family trip with 2 kids. It’s a Disney cruise but it’s only because they’re still very little. We fully plan to do regular vacations with two kids in the future.

 

[riot42]

@walid373 I know you're here for advice but just wanted to say in a similar boat and hate the feelings you're feeling! We had our son via donor/IUI so there's no "maybe it'll accidentally happen" for us and my husband is also OAD where I would like to give my son a sibling and be able to go through having a baby a second time. My husband is concerned about the time we will have for each other as it's dwindled with just 1. Sorry I'm not helpful, but hope you guys can come to a decision you both feel good about!

 

[mila]

@walid373 Age. Increased chance of intellectual disability as well as autism (45m and 38f). Also, energy. I struggle to have enough energy to give my almost 3 year old as it is.

Mental health. I know I couldn’t be a great mom to two kids. I couldn’t handle my high needs toddler AND a newborn without losing my cool every single day. I’m not okay with that and the thought of having to juggle the needs of both gives me a lot of anxiety.

My son has had me all to himself since day 1. I have zero desire to change that and share my attention with another child. We go out and he sets the pace and we explore and have so much fun together- I don’t want his needs pushed aside for another baby. I also look forward to attending his sports games, music concerts, etc as a family and not have one parent off with another kid at their event OR, in my situation as a kid, having to attend all my siblings band concerts and absolutely hating it.

My marriage. It was a big struggle for the first 2 years. We’ve been together 18 years this year (married 10) and we were really comfortable with our life- adding a kid during a pandemic was HARD on us. I’m not sure we could survive another one. No desire to test it and find out.

These are all my reasonings, but trust me, I see the Instagram families that look perfect and have moments of doubt and desire another baby. But end of the day- it’s just not a good choice for us.

 

[childofdust]

@walid373 On a different note, I have a friend who ended up having an accidental pregnancy after a successful IVF. Both husband and wife had fertility issues so they hadn’t used birth control for years. It was a wanted child but still accidental. Nature has strange ways.