F**k em all the way up

C

cruse

New member
So a little while back my wife and I took the kids to go see their grandparents who live about 5.5 hours away. About halfway there the 2 year old gets himself unbuckled and so my wife turns around to get him buckled back up but of course he isn’t cooperating. Now at this moment I’m only half paying attention as I’m listening to the music and watching the road and I hear “sit still! I’m gonna f*ck you all the way up!”
I glared at her and asked what she had dared to say to our son and she gives a confused look wondering why I’m acting so fiercely towards nothing. When I explain she starts laughing and tells me “I said sit still; I’m gonna buckle you all the way up.”
Still makes me laugh and it’s a running joke every time she buckles him up.
 
@cruse omg thank you. I needed this laugh. I'll share with you this one. our 7yr old son saw our cat on the kitchen table. he said to my husband, "Don't you piss him off!". and we just looked at each other. my husband says, "what did you say?" a bit stern. my son looked confused and said don't do that thing where you go Pssst. psssst . and made the noise my husband makes to get the cat down.
 
@cruse My mom had a good one on Easter. My kid was sending Hot Wheels cars down a track two at a time. My mom and step dad each picked a car, and my mom's choice won a few times in a row.

"I am always racist" very confidently came out of her mouth, even if she really meant, "I win all the races."

Too dang funny.
 
@cruse Am I the only one that got to “I’m gonna f*ck you all the way up” and though, man, the parents of Reddit are going to shred this mom apart. 😂😂😂
 
@glmlost Yes I almost stopped reading at that point because I thought “oh it’s going to be one of THOSE threads.” Glad I kept reading. 😂
 
@cruse Oh gosh I had one of those. I was a very boring child, never got in trouble, so when my sister came home from high school and I was in my room for time out she was confused. I told her I had called my new teacher a witch.

She went to talk to my mom and apparently she had heard “bitch” lol. And that friends is how I learned the word Bitch.

Side note - that teacher was, in fact, a bitch. She got fired a few months later for locking a student in a closet as a punishment.
 
@cruse The other day, me andy 4 year old were discussing if we should walk or drive to a friend who lives close by since it was raining.

She said "We should walk so you don't have to strangle us in the car."

I was shocked and confused but eventually I figured out she meant 'wrangle' which I say jokingly when they are wiggling in their car seats.
 
@cruse I babysat a friend’s kid that I didn’t have a lot of time with. All night long, the only 18-mo words I could assemble from incessant babble was, “Damnit the Fuck!,” louder and louder for well over an hour. He finally got so frustrated with me while saying, “Damnit, the Fuuuuuuuck!,” that he grabbed my hand, pulled me down the hall with his tiny feet and stopped at a bookshelf where, just out of reach, was Kermit the Frog.
 
@cruse When my son was 3 he couldn't say a fair amount of words correctly. We were talking about a Mario video game and I was recording him talking about it. My wife and I stopped as we swear I heard him say 'I'm gonna fuck that guy!' Wife and I were floored but when we played guess what the hell he just said, he was trying to say I'm gonna smack that guy! It's one of the funniest videos we have. He kept trying to say I'm gonna smack his butt or smack his face (in reference to the bad guys) but it comes out as I'm gonna fuck his butt, and I'm gonna fuck his face!
 
@cruse This is exactly the laugh that I needed today! Also, that is now my new favorite phrase it's golden 😁 I often say I'm going to f*** you up kitties (dual spray bottles in hand) because they usually like to get loud and rowdy as soon as the kids go to sleep 🤦🏻‍♀️

On the other note, the day we started initiating the child locks on the cars was the day that my oldest managed to open the door with his foot while we were on the f****** highway going 60 😳😬 I have never squeezed between the seat and the doors so well or so fast! And of course, I felt like an idiot for not having them in place to begin with, but I often sat in the back seat with him, but of course not this day 🤷🏻‍♀️
 
@cruse Dude! My 2 year old has been doing this as well! It’s like no matter how much I tighten the straps he finds a way to get his arms out. It’s annoying.
 
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