Hi all — really happy to have found this sub! Just starting to explore the idea of OAD, not sure what I’m looking for with this post, I guess just sharing my story and seeing what people’s thoughts and comments are, and maybe some similar experiences?
My husband and I have a wonderful, happy and healthy 5 week old. We have been fortunate that she is a good eater, a good sleeper (giving us 6-7 hour stretches at night and napping well during the day), is gaining weight like a champ, and is overall chill and easy. Don’t get me wrong, she takes a lot of attention and energy, but compared to some of our friend’s babies we feel as though we hit the baby jackpot — at least for now, haha.
I was very lucky my pregnancy was uncomplicated, however getting pregnant we had to go through fertility (I have a very low egg count, at 29 I had the count of a 40 year old, and I am 31 in a few months) and post partum was hell. I had a bleed from an emergency c section that resulted in a week long hospital stay, I developed post partum pre eclampsia (that was somehow missed in the hospital, so I had to return to urgent care/ER several times my first week home), and I also got a uterine infection which required more ER visits. The thought of having to go through fertility treatments again (all those early mornings, medications, scans, blood tests) and then to potentially have complications post partum (or during pregnancy) that would take away time from not only a newborn but also our current daughter, I’m not sure I would be able to handle that. Also, I likely would do an elective c section based on my labour/delivery this time round, and I believe the recommended wait time is at least 18 months between babies with c sections, which isn’t ideal given my low egg count.
My husband in particular is leaning towards OAD heavily on the fact that I had such a hard and traumatic labour, birth, and post partum. Especially with the missed pre eclampsia having been life threatening by the time I got diagnosed. He says he doesn’t want me to have to go through that ever again, and that our daughter needs a mother more than she needs a sibling.
I also look at my friends who have multiples, and how hectic and chaotic it is for them, and how one child is always getting “forgotten about” depending on which child needs attention more urgently. I also have seen many of my friends have children who require extra support due to reflux issues, colic, or other newborn complications, and that takes further attention and time away from their older children.
I guess I just feel lucky we didn’t have those issues with our daughter, and maybe this makes me a pessimist, but we don’t want to risk being unlucky with our second? Or maybe it’s just me trying to help myself accept we may be a OAD family because of the post pregnancy complications.
I should add my husband and I have always wanted 2 as we each had a sibling growing up, but with everything that’s happened it seems like this may be our future. The thing is, I can absolutely see myself doing the newborn phase again (if it’s like how it is with our current daughter) and that’s not the reason at all for potentially being OAD. It’s all mostly about the “what ifs” like what if our fertility journey for the second is longer and harder (or is impossible given my eggs?) or what if our second baby is difficult, requires extra support or attention, or what if I have bad pregnancy or post partum complications, etc.
We have been looking at the positives of being OAD (financial, being able to focus all attention on her, not having to get a bigger house, etc) but these have all come up after my husband and I started discussing OAD (basically during all of my post partum complications is when OAD was brought up by my husband)
Would love to hear thoughts, words of wisdom, advice, similar stories, anything at all! I know I don’t need to make a decision right now, but I hate fencesitting on anything and I would have a much better time mentally if we knew the direction our family was going.
My husband and I have a wonderful, happy and healthy 5 week old. We have been fortunate that she is a good eater, a good sleeper (giving us 6-7 hour stretches at night and napping well during the day), is gaining weight like a champ, and is overall chill and easy. Don’t get me wrong, she takes a lot of attention and energy, but compared to some of our friend’s babies we feel as though we hit the baby jackpot — at least for now, haha.
I was very lucky my pregnancy was uncomplicated, however getting pregnant we had to go through fertility (I have a very low egg count, at 29 I had the count of a 40 year old, and I am 31 in a few months) and post partum was hell. I had a bleed from an emergency c section that resulted in a week long hospital stay, I developed post partum pre eclampsia (that was somehow missed in the hospital, so I had to return to urgent care/ER several times my first week home), and I also got a uterine infection which required more ER visits. The thought of having to go through fertility treatments again (all those early mornings, medications, scans, blood tests) and then to potentially have complications post partum (or during pregnancy) that would take away time from not only a newborn but also our current daughter, I’m not sure I would be able to handle that. Also, I likely would do an elective c section based on my labour/delivery this time round, and I believe the recommended wait time is at least 18 months between babies with c sections, which isn’t ideal given my low egg count.
My husband in particular is leaning towards OAD heavily on the fact that I had such a hard and traumatic labour, birth, and post partum. Especially with the missed pre eclampsia having been life threatening by the time I got diagnosed. He says he doesn’t want me to have to go through that ever again, and that our daughter needs a mother more than she needs a sibling.
I also look at my friends who have multiples, and how hectic and chaotic it is for them, and how one child is always getting “forgotten about” depending on which child needs attention more urgently. I also have seen many of my friends have children who require extra support due to reflux issues, colic, or other newborn complications, and that takes further attention and time away from their older children.
I guess I just feel lucky we didn’t have those issues with our daughter, and maybe this makes me a pessimist, but we don’t want to risk being unlucky with our second? Or maybe it’s just me trying to help myself accept we may be a OAD family because of the post pregnancy complications.
I should add my husband and I have always wanted 2 as we each had a sibling growing up, but with everything that’s happened it seems like this may be our future. The thing is, I can absolutely see myself doing the newborn phase again (if it’s like how it is with our current daughter) and that’s not the reason at all for potentially being OAD. It’s all mostly about the “what ifs” like what if our fertility journey for the second is longer and harder (or is impossible given my eggs?) or what if our second baby is difficult, requires extra support or attention, or what if I have bad pregnancy or post partum complications, etc.
We have been looking at the positives of being OAD (financial, being able to focus all attention on her, not having to get a bigger house, etc) but these have all come up after my husband and I started discussing OAD (basically during all of my post partum complications is when OAD was brought up by my husband)
Would love to hear thoughts, words of wisdom, advice, similar stories, anything at all! I know I don’t need to make a decision right now, but I hate fencesitting on anything and I would have a much better time mentally if we knew the direction our family was going.
Enjoy your baby snuggles!!