Does anybody else enjoy coparenting?

[sedonarose]

I’m wondering if it’s common to enjoy coparenting. I get 50% time off to clean, plan meals/crafts, and sleep in. It felt like I was much busier when parenting in a single household. It was also anxiety-ridden since my STBXW would micromanage my parenting. And I’d go along with it in order to keep the peace. In many cases, it felt like somebody was incorrectly correcting my grammar for a team essay. But I couldn’t win the fight so resigned to doing it her way.

Coparenting is not without issues. My kids (5 and 3) still co-sleep with adults — and my STBXW and in-laws don’t see a problem with it. My 3 year old daughter sleeps with STBXW and my 5 year old son sleeps with my FIL. My STBXW doesn’t think it’s ethical to let the kids learn to self soothe. Any discomfort needs to be immediately resolved. It feels very co-dependent to me. I can’t really control what happens at STBXW’s house. I’ve politely shared research that shows the benefits of independent sleeping.

 

[halterfr33]

@sedonarose I'm an introvert, and emotion regulation is still a huge challenge for me due to my childhood trauma.

I'm a way better parent as a coparent with down time alone.

 

[cafreeman89]

@halterfr33 My daughter is with her father less than 48 hours every weekend. I am absolutely dependent on my child-free Saturdays to cocoon in bed to mentally and socially recuperate. I can usually fit in some cleaning, but I am desperate for some time to not be in charge or manage someone else. I'd love more time, but my ex and I live 90 minutes apart, so it's not possible with our schedules to extend that.

 

[nnhust]

@sedonarose I think the things you bring up are what a lot of parents try to focus on when having to split custody and I think it’s great to use that time you don’t have them to make sure you can be a better parent when you do have them.

 

[rrico]

@sedonarose I’m new to this but it has been nice to have more time to socialize with other adults while knowing that my little guy is still spending time with someone who loves him lots. It’s also refreshing to feel more comfortable and competent during my own parenting time. It’s lonely and sad but I have to see some benefits to it to stay in the right headspace.

 

[passingthrough1]

@sedonarose I prefer coparenting than being married to my ex but it’s still high conflict, I still do the lions share of the work/errands and we’re still slugging through unrelated divorce procedures. I’d enjoy it a lot more if it was evenly balanced but even not, yes I prefer it to full time parenting with my ex.

If I had a great partner in the first place to parent with, while I can appreciate my time to myself, I’d absolutely never choose to miss whole weeks of my kids lives for convenience.

 

[simonwise]

@sedonarose My joke when we split (I was kind of 60/40, baby was a year old) was I was going to write a book and get on Oprah with my advice book...Break the fuck up, a guide to low stress parenting.

50/50 gives so much more time and ease than 2 going 100%.

 

[kaosthemushroom]

@sedonarose Having my kids 50% of the time (the other half is mostly just time they spend in school or sleeping to be honest) was absolutely worth losing 100% of the time with my Ex, lol (and she'd probably say the same).

I spend my days without kids focusing on myself, getting extra work done (professionally, but also around the house), and planning for the rest of the week when they're here. When the kids want to do extracurriculars I'm the one that is most flexible to accommodate and I end up getting much more than half of the quality time anyways.

After a few years coparenting I think my ex has adjusted and is a better mother now that she has time to relax and work on herself too.

 

[joshuawithmartin]

@sedonarose I love spending time with my son and miss him while he’s gone but also love the time to quietly sit and recharge my battery. It used to make me feel like a huge jerk. (I also know I’m lucky because he has a great dad and I don’t have to worry about him while he’s gone.)

 

[jdcmoral]

@joshuawithmartin You hit the nail on the head when you said:

I also know I’m lucky because he has a great dad, and I don’t have to worry about him while he’s gone.

This is exactly how I feel 50/50 coparenting with my middle child's father. Once we got through the necessary court procedures and started coparenting, it's been a breeze! I know she is taken care of, our families get along, and if we need to adjust pick-up/drop-off times, we both go with the flow. I miss her, but knowing she is happy and I have time to recharge is wonderful

On the other hand, the time spent coparenting with my youngest child's father is unnerving, to say the least. I'm blissfully hopeful that one day, it will be similar to the aforementioned scenario. Fingers crossed.

Best of luck to you!

 

[zainonechia]

@jdcmoral 100%

I really enjoy co-parenting (and I know my ex does too) and a large part of that is due to the fact that we're very aligned as parents. I can't imagine how emotionally fraught co-parenting would be if I had doubts about my daughter's father's parenting.