Do people with kids work *harder*?

[whitm11]

This week I had something of an epiphany. We are in the thick of a very involved and critical project at work, with multiple workstreams and plenty of stress. I am a WFHM with middle-school-age kids. My realization is that the folks with kids on the project are all working crazy hours, turning in their deliverables. We have some young moms on the project who are giving it their all.

The folks with no kids (who all tend to be younger, from what I can tell) are all clocking in at 9:30 or 10 am, clocking off at 5PM, missing deadlines, and just shrugging it off. You never see them online after hours.

Seems upside down to me. Do others see this pattern? Is it that people who decided not to have kids also decided to say f**k it I will just look after myself and that carries over to work?

 

[rach84]

@whitm11 I went above and beyond more often before I had my kids because I had the energy and motivation to do so. Now I’m just trying to survive working FT, having small children, and simultaneously being sick every other week.

 

[jcox64]

@rach84 Same

 

[inspiredxd]

@rach84 Yea this post is the opposite.

I'm way too tired to give work 100% everyday. Some days I think "you're lucky I'm even here today."

 

[dboruff11]

@rach84 Seriously. Total survival mode right now!

 

[revbillw]

@rach84 Same!

 

[singingmichelle74]

@rach84 Same but I’m also so much more terrified of losing my job. We can get by on just my husband’s income but it would be just barely getting by. We’d probably have to go into our savings.

 

[sandrat]

@rach84 Yes, this is me. The mental load of parent has also carved out a big chunk of my mental energy that I had previously dedicated exclusively to my job. These days I feel like I’m just getting by where before I really tried to excel at everything that came my way.

 

[grace4nan]

@whitm11 I work for a company that tends to employ people for decades. Many people have never worked elsewhere. I have noticed a trend so far, you work really hard when your young, do the bare minimum to stay employed when you have young kids and slowly ramp back up as time goes on and then lose steam and are miserable for the last ten years till retirement.

So the young people where I work are motivated and work really hard. For what it's worth, I see absolutely nothing wrong with people the hours they are being paid to work. It is totally reasonable to say fuck it, I will just look after myself. Cuz at work, who else is going to put you first?

 

[jrprice]

@grace4nan I definitely worked harder in my 20s than I do now in my 30s. I dont think its necessarily because of kids because I had mine in my early 20s and I still worked really hard. I think I'm just established in my career now, I'm comfortable knowing id be hard to replace so they wouldn't fire me unless I do something egregious, and I'm burnt out from years of working hard. Plus why should I work so hard?! There is literally no benefit from doing so, which i learned the hard way.

 

[bearingfruitfortis]

@grace4nan As someone who’s been at the same company since graduating college 20 years ago. I was just lazy, well maybe not lazy but not aware of the responsibilities of office work and wasn’t really clear on performance reviews. We’ve always had a wfh type schedule due to field work so I would hear people saying they’re doing nothing on a Friday or leaving early to pick up kids. So even on days I was busy I would slack off. So that and not knowing how to do the job because I was new was a recipe for disaster. I’m lucky I wasn’t fired.

It took about 5 years to get the hang of the job and get some discipline.

 

[whitm11]

@grace4nan Interesting - I am curious about what industry you are in. I am in healthcare tech, but it's mostly virtual (WFH) so people can hide out - and it's a young company and certainly no guarantee of job-for-life!

I don't like the sound of ten miserable years before retiring!

 

[grace4nan]

@whitm11 It's a large national (Canadian) company and it offers a pension. The pension becomes really valuable as you get within 10yrs of retirement and near impossible to walk away from. The company knows this and doesn't treat it's close to retiring employees well. So they really are "sticking it out". It's rough, I'm just hoping if and when I get there, I won't be bothered by the poor treatment.

 

[sebaaaa]

@grace4nan If you're willing, would you be able to DM me the name of the company? I'm Canadian and desperate for a career change.

 

[olagato]

@sebaaaa Sounds like it must be a bank, a telecom company or Air Canada. To offer a pension that people can actually depend on I would think it has to be one of the monopolies.

 

[porcelainchild]

@whitm11 Are you sure this isn't just a seniority thing? I definitely work more post-kids but that's because I'm a senior manager now, not a junior engineer. There's also the fact that people with kids may be more motivated to not be fired/laid off since they're providing for someone else.

 

[cins]

@porcelainchild Agreed. I don’t think kids have much to do with it.

Now, I do think Gen Z has a different (and actually refreshing viewpoint) on work than millennials and Gen X. In my experience, they are far less likely to buy into the corporate America “work hard” BS. Now, when you’re in a field that is client-facing and truly can have quick deadlines and long hours (with salaries to compensate for it) like mine, it can become an issue for others on the team. However, I generally love that the younger workers in my firm take all of their vacations, try their best to keep their hours in check, say no to work when they’re full, etc. Took me too long to get to that point.

 

[porcelainchild]

@cins Ehh I work in a job where kids make $150 - $200k straight out of undergrad. While I don’t expect my gen Z reports to be working 60hr wks, I do have very low tolerance for people bitching about having to work hard in a job that puts you in the 1% at 23.

I’ve even had conversations with some Gen Z where they’re surprised they get marked for low performance because they’re regularly late to team meetings, or they aren’t getting a promotion simply for being here a certain amount of time. I genuinely do not get this attitude where they think they’ll be rewarded for doing nothing.

 

[cins]

@porcelainchild Yeah, people make the same amounts straight out of school in my field. I’m not at all suggesting that failure to get work done or to show your face is ok. I work in a field where some in-person interaction is required, and late nights are typically dictated by the work, not crappy supervisors. I get it. I just appreciate the mentality of “I’m not going to kill myself for a firm that will get rid of me or dock my pay if the market crashes without a second thought.” Now, some in Gen Z balance that very well. They get their work done, but don’t agree to take on more and more work when they’re at capacity. I think that’s good. They may not make partner, but many of them don’t even want to. Others absolutely don’t balance it well, and they turn in half-assed work that more senior ppl (like me) have to fix before it goes to a client. Those people won’t (and shouldn’t) last.

 

[porcelainchild]

@cins I can definitely appreciate the attitude of not being loyal to a company or sacrificing your mental health for one. I'd say even people my age (younger millenials) generally don't subscribe to company loyalty, or care all that much about getting to the top.