Crazy how a M/C can make you feel so alone & alienated

[linktech]

Sometimes I feel Guilty or not worthy of feeling the hurt ,pain ,confusion,anger,lonely ness that my miscarriage has made me feel ..It’s been seven months since it happen ,seven months how crazy times just flies .......this month would have been my due date .And it’s just so heavy .its hard to explain .Theres days I want to talk and vent about it to anyone willing to listen .But honestly I hold myself back because I catch myself feeling guilty and not worthy of feeling these feelings if that makes sense ..I feel like people constantly Dismiss a miscarriage or at least mine ,as something that wasn’t real or tangible .It was soooo real ,deep and very tangible for me ALL of it ! I know people are going and have gone through much worse and maybe that’s where part of my guilt comes in .and I apologize and I pray for your/their healing .Or maybe the fact that no one ever really stops to ask how I am ,how I really am .It makes me feel like my pain ,anger ,and loneliness are a product of me iver thinking or drowning in what could have been or what was . or maybe the fact that everyone around me is just so used to me being the person they run to with their problems and heartache they forget I have my own .Im not sure if I’m making any sense honestly .Just needed somewhere to write my thoughts and feelings down .so consuming these days .i should have been giving birth this month ,I should have been holding my child ,I should have been experiencing all the sides of motherhood .Not the side no one seems to acknowledge or talk about ..I’m blessed to have such a patient ,kind and compassionate husband .But it’s crazy how I still feel alone in this journey in this pain .Thank you to whom ever comes across this .Thank you for allowing me to vent my emotions and thoughts that at times make me feel guilty and consumed

 

[katrina2017]

@linktech How can people say it's not real? When a loved person dies, people do not miss their bodies and physical appearance. They miss a future that will not happen. Words that will not be spoken, stories that will not be told and events that won't happen. I know women that say they didn't feel connected to their child until they felt it moving. That's okay. But for a mother that is connected from the moment she's expecting, a MC is the same as the death of a loved person. The future you dreamed of is suddenly shattered and can't be brought back. Your feelings are absolutely valid.

 

[linktech]

@katrina2017 It’s crazy how you literally explained exactly how I felt when my loss first happened .My husband and I stayed up so many nights talking about the things we were going to do how we were going to surprise our parents and siblings how we wanted to raise our child and the characteristics we hoped for them to have .So many spoken words and dreams That seem to be ripped from us .its such a yearn it’s such an emptiness ..From the moment I saw those two lines I felt super in tuned and connected to my child .I felt different .Thank you for recognizing those feelings .Thank you so much you are soooo appreciated

 

[truthinapologetics]

@linktech I share your pain and also feel alone and alienated at times. I had a MC in January, if I had given birth in July I would've had a baby around the same time as several of my friends. I wanted to share those baby milestones with my friends, go shopping for baby stuff together, take our babies on play dates together, and now I feel like I've been kicked out of the club. I feel guilty for not being more excited for other people's babies. I'm thankful for social distancing so I can be reclusive and heal.

 

[linktech]

@truthinapologetics I’m So sorry for your loss,and I Im rooting for you and your healing .I completely understand .My best friend is expecting and our kids would have been just mere months apart .What broke me was in the beginning of her pregnancy journey (I had already miscarried) she came to me about abortion advice and I felt my heart sink.I felt like my trauma and experience which she knew all about meant nothing to her or no one really .She eventually ended up choosing to keep (I hope I helped with that ) but that crushed me and made the journey so much harder .But kept it all in ..One day we will have our rainbow baby and have our own milestones at our times .We can shop baby things virtually together lol and make our own club lol .Im rooting for you !!!

 

[katrina2017]

@linktech Consider checking out /r/ttcafterloss they were amazing to my during my loss. My son should be 18 months. I'll always have a part of my parenting journey that feels devastating and isolating, even though I know others have been there, because of how I experienced it in my own life.

If I can offer any hope, it's that you do grow around this pain. I don't think it goes away. The pain itself, when you feel it, doesn't ever get better, but you grow. The pain will look smaller in comparison to the way your life has changed, but still when you focus back in on that vacancy, it hurts like hell.

You aren't alone in this pain.

 

[linktech]

@katrina2017 Your words were so beautiful and touching .I am
So Sorry for your loss .Thank you for speaking so honestly and from the heart .Thank you for reminding me that although there is an empty feeling there that feeling also reminds me my little one will never be forgotten .im rooting for you and your healing ,thank you so much !

 

[fraualt]

@linktech hugs

 

[nadine777]

@linktech It's a very lonely time, no matter how much support you have. The one you lost was part of you, literally. It just doesn't hit others in the same way. Your loss was real and there is no shame in grieving that loss no matter what week it happened. I've found that the pain is still immense (coming up on a year from the date we found out, MMC discovered at what would have been 10 weeks), and I'm often saying to myself I should have a X month old in my arms right now, but it's gotten easier to move forward. Milestones are hard and I think they always will be to an extent. I found a lot of comfort in finding ways to memorialize our little one: naming, lighting a candle on my due date, will probably light one on the one year mark of loss and take the day off work to remember and reflect, and we bought a Christmas ornament for the tree with the name we chose. I hope any of these will help you find some comfort or that you will find your own outlets. Loss is one of the most unimaginable tragedies that we just don't see coming and that no one should have to go through. We're here for you.

 

[linktech]

@nadine777 Im so sorry for your loss .Thank you for your words and also for reminding me it’s okay to be open about remembering my little one .Thank you for those tips ,I also lit up a candle this entire months as a reminder of my little light .Thank you so much !!you are loved you are appreciated .And your little one will never be forgotten Sending all my love ,energy and compassion we are here for you too .Thank you so much