Communication while watching your babies

[partyof9]

So I'm curious if I'm being over the top, but honestly don't feel I am..
I have help from my MIL one day a week with my baby. She was coming to our home but just started watching her at her home recently and last week I had a little issue. So, I always check in with my babies. If my husband is with them, my own mom, or any paid caregiver or family member. I was reaching out to her checking on how it was going and didn't hear from her for a couple hours. I also had another situation where I needed to call her and talk to her and myself norr my husband were able to connect with her. At some point l had a lot of anxiety and just went to go get my daughter but when we were on the way she called and said she has been sleeping with my baby. I felt so frustrated because 1- my baby doesn't sleep for hours in the day like that and 2- you shouldn't be sleeping for hours when you are supposed to be caring for my baby. I feel like if you’re too tired that's understandable and just let me know.
I sent a long message explaining how it made me feel and asking if she wants to continue to help with her that we just need consistent communication - also mentioning that I'm grateful for her etc.. But she replied saying it's better she doesn't help this week.
Am I overreacting?

***i just want to clarify that the issue isn’t her sleeping - it’s about communicating.. some additional factors that I didn’t include trying to make the post shorter..

1. I had a covid exposure issue in our family I was trying to contact her about, and already went to pickup my other child from his daycare becasue of it. Couldn’t get through to her.
2. It was already the time she said she was going to bring her back.

If it wasn’t for those additional details I’m not sure we would even have a issue. ***

 

[chriscomplex]

@partyof9 LOL it sounds like your MIL was successful in putting down your baby for a long nap, which you haven’t managed to do. Maybe because you’re always hovering around the baby and the baby senses you during a light part of the sleep cycle.

If you want the type of babysitter who will answer every call immediately and do things exactly the way you ask, you gotta pay for it. If the help is free, imposing extra conditions that go beyond basic safety may result in the help being withdrawn.

Your new mom anxiety is getting the better of you. Sleep when the baby sleeps is super common advice.

 

[partyof9]

@chriscomplex But it’s not about sleep it’s simply about communicating..

 

[chriscomplex]

@partyof9 You know not everyone carries their phone with them all over their house, right? Especially if they have no pockets and are occupied taking care of a baby.

 

[partyof9]

@chriscomplex Ok but if I don’t hear from someone that’s watching my baby for hours and even passed the time she was supposed to bring her back, that’s not ok.

 

[chriscomplex]

@partyof9 This is the first time you mentioned her being late in returning your baby though.

 

[partyof9]

@chriscomplex There’s a few additional I didn’t include becssue it was already long winded .. or long texted. Lol

1. I had a covid exposure issue in our family I was trying to contact her about, and already went to pickup my other child from his daycare becasue of it. Couldn’t get through to her.
2. It was already the time she said she was going to bring her back.

If it wasn’t for those additional details I’m not sure we would even have a issue.

 

[chriscomplex]

@partyof9 If you put your kid in a daycare center, you wouldn’t expect to be able to call at any time and get to talk to the teacher in charge of your kid right away either. She’ll call you back when she has a spare moment.

 

[partyof9]

@chriscomplex Of course - my other kids are in daycare and I always go e grace but I always also hear back. but I didn’t hear from her for hours.

 

[sakke]

@chriscomplex Yes I absolutely am able to call the daycare and check on my child, and the grandmother should respect the mothers parenting style. Just because she’s grandma doesn’t mean she can be a lazy babysitter

 

[katrina2017]

@partyof9 Are you awake all the time when your baby sleeps at your house? I fail to see why your MIL taking a nap while your baby sleeps, is any different to you sleeping at night while your baby sleeps. I assume the baby has somewhere safe to sleep, and that she can hear the baby when they wake up? Maybe the baby tires her out? Kids can be hard work.

Perhaps you can just ask her to drop a text before she goes to sleep, so you'll know and won't worry about a response?

 

[partyof9]

@katrina2017 Yeah it's not can't about sleeping - it’s about her not communicating for hours..

 

[sakke]

@partyof9 I don’t think you are over reacting at all, it’s your baby she should respect how you want them watched and that you want to be able to check in. Especially since it’s only once a week, it’s not asking a lot to be awake and on stand by incase you call. I’d freak out if i didn’t hear back for hours. I had a similar issue with my mother not respecting how I prefer my daughter to be watched. Now she just doesn’t watch her.

 

[partyof9]

@sakke I appreciate this perspective.. I really have been wondering if I’m just a bad person lol becsuse nothing changes my mind about it tbh.. I don’t take things lightly when it comes to my babies.