Choosing NOT to do daycare

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fab01

New member
A part time work opportunity came up so I started to look into daycare. I’m not opposed to home day cares or hiring a nanny BUT from what I’ve been told (and please feel free to offer insight) daycare is a better option both for social interaction as well as upkeep of the facility and it’s workers. I worked in a military cdc so I’m familiar with that a little and also know that things can sneak under the radar but I guess I’ve been convinced a legit day care is still a better option.

At any rate, if you didn’t already know, the cost of daycare with multiples is quite expensive. Even part time care is more than our mortgage. The job will likely not even cover that AND there’s no benefits . So that alone, even though it’d be nice to get some time for me doing something I’d be interested in, doesn’t seem like its worth it.

But then the other side of me is thinking about how I just made a payment towards a recertification that will better my current work situation. It’s half the cost of a monthly day care tuition amount and it’s only one time but still, I can do that without thinking much of it. The socialization aspect of a daycare would obviously be the important piece here but I can’t get over the cost to accept the worth of doing day care. Someone just also told me that it is better for kids and helps them get smarter sooner, achieving milestones quicker.
I’m not sure I believe that but it also just deepens the guilt.

So am I doing a disservice to my 20.5 month old boys by waiting until pre k age to do something ??? Am I holding them back by not doing day care ? Is it “bad” to put the cost of daycare before the benefit of going?

Just kind of stuck here in what I should be doing
 
@fab01 I stayed home with my twins, and it was the best decision for us. They're 9 years old now, and they're both smart and socially aware.

Don't worry about the opinion of others, as much as you can. Do what's best for your family, that is always the right choice.
 
@saul100paul Also have 9yo twins, never went to daycare. Would have zeroed out one of our incomes, so what’s the point?

They’re fine! The world is full of people, they’ll get socialized just fine.
 
@fab01 It seems like I'm in the minority so far based on these posts, but my partner and I are absolutely going to place our twins in daycare once they are a year old. We currently have 3 children under 2, and I was the primary caregiver for our oldest until he turned 1. I'm also the primary caregiver for our twins as well.

Money is a major factor, but when we calculate the cost of keeping the kids entertained, doing activities, loss of income and benefits, and so on. It would have cost us more for me to stay at home and even more to hire someone for our twins. I'm currently hiring someone for 10 hours a week @ 20 dollars an hour, and it has been amazing. Besides needing the mental break, it's pretty hard to do a PhD while teaching and being with the kids full time.

So here are the big benefits of why we love daycare for us. We are very fortunate to find a daycare center near the university and with lots of other kids. My partner and I are an interracial couple, and make it a priority for our kids to see kids of different races and religions. Our kid regularly sees kids and parents representing a multitude of languages, religions, military and civilian backgrounds, and kids with different abilities and even parents in wheel chairs. Since he's connected to the university, he also meets lots of students and experts that can identify early signs of autism or normal behavioral issues.

Now, there are many people with horrible daycare center experiences. Our daycare made huge changes about 5 years ago and went from a must avoid to one of the best available.

They constantly do art, learn sign language, sing, dance, read to each other, practices numbers, colors, now hes starting the letters of the alphabet, how to clean after themselves, and so many other things. My kid just turned 19 months old, and he has friends! He loves showing us around daycare, and he and his teachers adore each other... they actually call him show time, and everyone knows our son, including the Director.

The biggest difference we experience, though, is with naps and food. He demolishes food and takes 2 hour naps at daycare. At home, weekend naps are utter hell. Our kid is a horrible sleeper but at daycare with other kids, instantly out and no tantrums. That alone is worth my sanity.

Summing up this super long post... I could not come close to replicating what my son gets out of daycare. I think waiting until he was a year, though, was absolutely the right call. I absolutely hate being away from my child, but I know that in this case, we are going to find a way to scrape every dollar to make sure he stays exactly where he is.

Our twins will go to the same daycare when they are 1 years old to.
 
@fab01 I send my triplets to daycare (🤮💵) to save my sanity. I end up barely taking any money home, but my work has awesome health insurance so it makes some sense. I get a ton of judgment for choosing ((running)) back to work but I just couldn’t be a SAHM. These are our only kids so it also didn’t make sense to quit my career for 5 years and not have anything to go back to.

Make the best choice for you and your family. Sometimes it isn’t always just a dollars-and-cents decision.
 
@fab01 My twins are almost 20 months old, and I am a SAHM full time- no daycare here mainly for the reason you stated ($$$$$). It’s absolutely ridiculous. My twins are very well behaved, and I am not worried about their social development. I have just started to venture out alone to toddler classes to help my mental sanity, and that’s been a game changer. They are only 1/2hr classes, and even getting out once a week has been helpful mentally. And bonus, they get socialization with other kids and adults.

You do what you feel is best, but I promise (from an early elementary teacher), you will not harm your children’s development by not enrolling them in daycare. They’ll be fine 🙂 I’m doing the exact same!

Also- I was never a daycare kid. I only have one brother and we were home with my mom. We both were fine going off to preschool when we were 4 and then Kindergarten. 😊
 
@fab01 Many, many kids don't have any outside care until prek or even kinder. My oldest went into preK 4 as a kid who had been locked down because of COVID for 2 years and is doing perfectly fine socially. It won't make them any more smart to be in care, just make sure they have enriching activities at home.
 
@fab01 My twin boys are 2.5 years old now and we haven't done daycare. I would absolutely LOVE to be able to send them even just one day a week, but it's impossible cost-wise currently. I have a masters degree but I'm not established enough in my field yet to be getting enough income from it to make up for the cost of daycare. So that's on hold until all my kids are in school.

But I'll admit that as much as I need a break, I'm also glad I'm able to be a SAHM for them. I don't think there's any objectively wrong answer here. Just do what feels right for you and your family. My boys socialize with family, with my friends' kids, and with the other kids at the playground. It'd be nice if they could socialize at daycare too, but I don't think I'm robbing them of anything particularly important by not sending them there. They have enough.
 
@fab01 We have twins and we’re not doing daycare. I never went to daycare. Neither did my husband. We both ended up totally fine lol - both socialized, well educated, etc. I went to college for ECE and saw the inside of daycares from an employees perspective. I’m now a teacher as I couldn’t see myself doing ECE for the rest of my life. I’ve seen so many daycare staff who take their bad days out on the kids, who are rough/rude, don’t follow parents requests, and don’t care about the kids because they’re so frustrated or tired or stressed, etc. I could never put my kids in an environment like that after seeing/hearing the employees firsthand. I’m sure there are some wonderful daycares, but the numerous ones I worked at were all the same - a few caring staff but more hateful ones. ECE salaries are also a joke - like 35k a year. They aren’t paid nearly enough for watching peoples precious little ones! It’s a tough job and a lot of people burnout and don’t leave even though it’s not good for them or the kids.

There’s so many programs you can put your boys in on your time off. Find some toddler group classes or a play cafe and go there. Even something like toddler swim, dance, gymnastics, soccer etc.

Yes these aren’t full day programs or childcare, but your kids get out of the house, get to meet other kids their age, and try new activities. Also way cheaper, and they can possibly find an activity they love to continue on with in their older years!
 
@fab01 Daycare was the best decision we ever made, but we didn't put ours in till 3(wish we had done it sooner). My husband and I are both very career oriented and WFH was not working at all.

Honestly though, as long as you do a pre-k program I don't feel daycare is necessary. Yes, daycare kids will probably adjust in kindergarten easier than non-daycare kids, but if they did pre-k they probably have the hang of it for the most part. My kids learn SO much in daycare they would never learn with me at home, but most kids catch up in kindergarten.

Daycare is amazing for making friends(we got to bday parties monthly and its amazing seeing the kids bonds) but you can do that in meet up groups, library groups, and other places. Kids also learn a ton, but they can learn a ton at home too.

With WFH my kids were getting too much TV, not enough attention, and not very much learning structure. In daycare my kids get all of that in abundance and just so much more. It really just depends on the work you're willing to put in and opportunities your willing to give them(like with socialization) on if SAH or daycare is better.

Also don't exclude what you need either. Some people thrive as SAH parents, some people love working. If YOU want to work, its worth it imo. I love working, climbing the ladder, building my career, so was a no brainer for me. I'm a better mom and wife and I feel like when I'm around my kids I can pour everything into it bc I'm not completely burnt out and over stimulated by them. We're all way happier.
 
@fab01 If you're worried about them missing out on the learning opportunities daycare provides, it's mostly structure, stimulation and socializing outside of the home. If you can fit that into your routine at home, you'll have the best of both worlds!
 
@torraine I am just now getting comfortable getting out and the weather is starting to get nicer. The piece I’m missing is what I should be “teaching “them . Obviously I’d still be missing the work piece but I think if I had an idea of what I should be doing with them it would probably be helpful too 😅
 
@fab01 Daycare teaches structure more than anything. Like, at 10am we all put on our boots and play outside for an hour. Then we have snack, then quiet time, then lunch, then read books etc etc. Basically they learn to follow adult instructions and not just do what THEY want to do all day. They also learn to regulate their emotions and share etc.
 
@torraine Oh boy the emotions. My baby A is full of them and then the sharing thing hits hard so many times. I’ve got the rest of the stuff down though
 
@fab01 Our twins didn’t do daycare, we have a nanny. We did do preschool at 3 years old (our district has free Pre-K for 4 year olds and limited spots for 3 year olds for tuition cost), and they were meeting milestones for the 4 year olds at the end of the year at 3 years old.

The beauty of twins is having someone their own age, they get experience in sharing and social interaction from the start. It’s good for them to have time with other kids, but in our experience there was no negative impact for ours.
 
@fab01 Our boys are 4 now. My mother in law watched them in our house the first year until COVID. Since that they’ve been home with me/a part time sitter while I work from home.

I enrolled them in a few things that would expose them to other kids (soccer, swim, gymnastics - one activity at a time, not all together) and they interact with other kids at the park and library.

They started part time pre-k last fall and have adjusted just fine! I think as long as you’re engaging with them they will be fine. Learning how to listen and interact with other people is partially the point of pre-k right?
 
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